Make myself over? Help and advice? (8)

1 Name: Makeover : 2009-02-20 09:18 ID:wfqtpmNi

Hmm....how do I start?

I'm 18 this year. I've never been a fan of beauty magazines, makeup, or pretty clothes (erm, I'm female, by the way). I still don't use makeup, my everyday combination is a fixed wardrobe of a plain T-shirt (honestly one T-shirt) and a pair of jeans I change every two days. I don't do anything fancy to my hair - it's just middling-long, black, and combed when I get a chance. I'm not overweight, but I'm more frumpy instead of slim/pretty/stick-thin. I'm pretty short too - a mere 154 cm. Short and rather round.

I used to be slightly awkward around the other sex (and even around females - generally, I'm awkward around the public) but ever since moving to a totally foreign country 3 years ago without the chance to say goodbye to my friends properly, I found out that I became a sort of an anti-social person. I don't mix well with anyone and even after 3 years here I only have one friend (although we're no bosom buddies, she's pretty nice to me :3). I've told myself to speak up more (I have a ridiculously soft and whiny sort of voice) and be more confident, but every time I speak up in class, everyone looks at me, and I instantly wilt. I keep thinking that they're all thinking negative thoughts about me (like I'm terrible at speaking, or my ideas are wank) although I know that's probably not the case.

I don't want to be 'popular'. I just want to bolster myself so that I can interact more - so that going out and talking to strangers isn't something impossible for me. I don't know what people do to bolster their confidence - I've read some self-help books, but I didn't find them very helpful. Any little thing I can try to do to 'change' myself? How do you deal with daunting situations?

2 Name: Makeover : 2009-02-20 09:24 ID:wfqtpmNi

I forgot to mention something...I think the online persona is more me - I enjoy hugs and having friends, but I think it's because the internet's anonymity hides me and I feel like people don't judge as badly online...only by how rude you are...

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-20 10:13 ID:T4qlfGQ7

I don't think you need to make a physical makeover (unless that helps you psychologically), that won't affect other people too much. A embarrassed, shy person remains an embarrassed, shy person, even if she's nicely dressed.

What you really need to do is to think on how to socialize more, and even more in which setting do you want to socialize. Have you considered joining a theater class, or something where group activity is a rule rather than exception? For instance, in the case of sports you should favor team sports (volleyball, etc) rather than single sports (swimming, jogging). On another level, why don't you invite your friend to join a fitness or yoga course? If you both like it your friend could also invite other friends from her, etc.

Basically try to find group activities that interest you. Also, be aware that most people don't give a shit about you, either positive or negative. Everybody is much more busy thinking about themselves to waste too much time thinking badly about you. They will only form opinions on you when you interact directly with them, and then it's up to you to make a good impression. So don't try to be transparent in the classroom just for fear of standing out in a bad way.

4 Name: 777 : 2009-02-20 10:16 ID:EAKOLYlv

Well hello there Makeover.

Here are some advices:
1) Asking a board predominantly of the male gender may seem smart at first glance but it is in fact the contrary. I am assuming that you're trying to become more sociable to guys, because of posting this in the love and romance section, and what better to ask a guy himself? However, (here is the advice) I believe asking your female friend might be a better idea. If you were to ask here, there will be many guys with different opinions on your makeover. I believe that with such diverse opinions given to you, it may actually throw you off track. So the best thing to do is to seek a homogeneous makeover from a female friend which would generally change your looks overall, and by this I mean wearing makeup and changing what you regularly wear.

2) In spite of my first advice, the continuation into my second advice undermines my first advice of not taking opinions from males on this board. Anyways, I personally believe that you shouldn't force your self to change. You should "bolster" your interests and by doing so, you will find that bolstering yourself will be accomplished in the process. In finding a common interest with anyone, such interest can easily be the groundwork for a developing friendship with both sexes.

Have a nice evening.

5 Name: Makeover : 2009-02-20 10:22 ID:wfqtpmNi

Whoops, sorry, I had no idea this board was predominantly guys. D: I'm pretty new around this area - came by after people dropped links to this place. I'm really sorry if I've overstepped any invisible boundaries - I'm aware that most forums have a sort of unspoken line people don't cross. XD

And no, I'm not trying to become more sociable to guys only - I'm just trying to get myself to open up more instead of clamming up in the corner. The idea about trying to find group activities that I enjoy seem like a reasonable idea - I'll try look around the college tomorrow.

Erm. If I made any social mistakes please don't roast me? >_<

6 Name: 777 : 2009-02-20 10:37 ID:EAKOLYlv

Well hello again Makeover.

To my lack of knowledge, this invisible line is the one that determines what belongs in love and romance, sexuality, and personal issues.

Anyhow, enjoy your activity hunting.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-20 22:52 ID:SogHcf1L

>>5 do not think only guys post here. Girls do it too, so you're not overstepping any possible line. The only issue is that you should have probably posted on /personal/ instead of /love/. But since you started here I suggest you continue on this thread

8 Name: Aretsu : 2009-02-21 00:25 ID:dnDHKlxv

Hey Makeover!

As a 20-about-to-be-21-year-old woman (eek...just using that word made me shudder) who also is not fond of make-up, dressing up, and all that jazz, I can understand why this might be a social concern. I remember feeling the same as you when I went to the other side of my country to go to college - "Would I be able to find some buddies?", "Will I be able to transition?", and if it had to be..."Will I be okay with being alone?". Luckily I made some friends but it did take a while. I like what Secret (or poster #3) said and it's good advice, but remember that you also shouldn't feel pressured into being more sociable. Don't go to the deep end of the pool when you only know how to doggy paddle! ^_^ Take your time and open up gradually at the pace you feel is right. It's even more awkward when people sense that you're exuding a "forced social-ness" vibe than when you're just naturally shy. Good luck!

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.