halp (6)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-24 02:41 ID:0y7d9xpE

Okay...I'm a slight commitmentphobic but I think I'm in a seriously unreasonable situation here.

I recently met this really nice guy, but I'm like the first girl he's gone out with. we've known each other a couple months and have been only going out for a few weeks. And by going out I meant just a few 'dates'.

First of all, every single day I'm not in class he wants me to go somewhere with him or to come to my house. Once I told him no because I was sick and he came over any way because his mom told him to bring me stuff even though I told him a few times no and that I needed rest. His mother also already insisted on meeting me and offered me a place to stay at their house..I meant that's sweet but it's a little sudden.

When he does come over or we go somewhere, I have trouble getting him to leave or to take me home. Also, on V-Day he bought me this necklace and I'm not sure how much it's worth or anything but it made me feel a little 'obligated'. He's very shy, he only recently tried to kiss me and he's also really quiet so when we hang out it's pretty awkward and quiet.

With all that his family's putting into this, the expensive gift (maybe?), and the fact he's told me he'd be really depressed if I broke it off, I have no clue what to do. I want out but I don't know how I can do this gracefully.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-24 04:13 ID:mO4kJXai

Be honest to him.

But really you need to get out of this. Especially after the fact he told you he'd be depressed if you broke up with him. This is often true for people who are strongly attached, but saying it, especially if he really worded it like this, is very nefarious.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-24 10:01 ID:Nez0KhC9

like >>2 says, you must be very clear to him that affective blackmail is totally unacceptable (I can already imagine him later threatening to commit suicide if you break up with him).

What I don't get is what you want at the moment: to break up with him, or to cool off things? If you want to break up, just do it and return the necklace, if that bothers you. If you want to cool off then you really need to explain him that he must lower his pressure and stop any form of blackmail. Be very educational about it (i.e. say exactly and clearly what you want from him and how, otherwise he won't understand it). Explain to him that you like him, and you appreciate that he cares for you, but you don't like the way he shows his affection. And explain him how he should express his affection in a way that is not offensive to you.

Basically he seems very inexperienced, insecure, and a tad egocentric. so you must invest heavily in communication with him to correct this.

4 Name: Demo-man : 2009-02-24 23:48 ID:U9Jnvpke

crap. yer' dude is like me. almost similar. Heck, I have never date any girl before. So it's understandable that he would say he's going to be depressed if you break your relationship off. I would be too if that happens to me.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-25 00:31 ID:mO4kJXai

I would too, and most people would if they were in love. The thing is, it shouldn't be something you tell to your loved one in order to sorta blackmail him/her.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-28 01:59 ID:Nznr9LXP

Uh, I'm probably wrong, but it sounds like he's just a bit overzealous, and doesn't know how to act properly. Perhaps you just need to be patient with him? I mean, it would be pretty mean to break up with him merely because he couldn't contain his love.
I dunno, there could be more to this than what you've said. But you love him, don't you?

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