Hopeless (18)

1 Name: empty : 2009-03-07 04:34 ID:wT77pQQt

Hay, Romance. To be honest I don’t think that you can help me but I really need to let all this out. My story is rather average. I’m a 20 year old college student and I have been single for my entire life. When I say single I mean VERY single. I have liked several girls to greater or lesser degrees. Unfortunately nothing has ever come from this. To my knowledge no girl has ever been interested in me. Every single time I either end up in the friend zone or I am completely discounted. It doesn’t help that all of this rejection has exacerbated my all ready introverted nature. I talk to a small number of people, most of whom don’t interact with each other. Of these people I only consider one of them to be a real friend. I have tried very hard to be optimistic but it gets harder every day. It seems like these days any girl I might be interested in is already in a relationship. All around I see people holding hands and standing close and enjoying each other’s company, and I feel so jealous it hurts. It is starting to seem like I don’t even show up on women’s radar, their eyes just seem to skate right over me like I’m not even worth considering. My social life is nonexistent, and sense I live an hour away from campus, participating in campus life is almost impossible. Like I said, I don’t think that you can help but it is nice to know that people will listen and can probably understand. I hope that you can all have more luck than I am having.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-07 04:49 ID:Jwm9gVuj

>>1 Hey dude, I know how that feels. I'm one year behind you and I've yet to have a relationship either. I've liked girls in the past but it seems that no one's ever liked me. It sucks. It sucks more when you see people that are in a relationship and you wonder what the fuck you're doing wrong and why you just don't have any luck. It really hurts like hell sometimes, not that I mean to complain but, hey, there it is.

It isn't at all fair, I know.

All I can say is to keep up hope. If you do loose hope, you'll never find love because you'll be too consumed with misery to appreciate the people around you. Try to stay positive as difficult as that might be sometimes.

Are you intending to go to a grad school? If you are this might not be so bad. Even if you're not, you're still not screwed. It seems that college girls are not easy to get with. They have yet to really grow up and become women. Wait until they mature a little and I bet they will finally start noticing you.

As far as your social life, try yo get into a club or something that interests you. You need to make a big effort to do that. You greatly increase your chances of finding someone you'll be happy and comfortable with since you'll already have something in common with this person.

I wish you lots of luck and you're definitely not alone in feeling alone. :)

3 Name: OTL : 2009-03-07 06:42 ID:KV8hMcYM

If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way you do, and I'm only in high school.

I may be female, but that doesn't mean I don't have my fair share of crap going on in my life.

I've had guys ask me out before, but those were the reject guys of society that were mostly loners and stalked random girls simply because they did. I know I'm a pretty decent girl, but I'm still miffed and sad at the fact that these are the only types of guys that I can "attract", if that's what you can call it.

And #2, most girls ARE mature, but it's the stereotypical guys that think not with their brains but what they have down there that mostly turn girls off. #1, I'm not saying that you're one of those guys, but in high school, you tend to meet a lot of bastards. Follow #2's advice and go join some clubs and meet up with some females that you can talk to and develop friendships with.

Who knows? Those female friends could be the ones that are willing to accept you in a position past the friendzone.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-07 09:41 ID:iTTAYAQL

ITS NOT HOPELESS

I too am a 20 year old in college who has been single her entire life. People tell me I'm pretty so I must not be completely hideous. But I've yet to be in a relationship at all....

If it's hopeless for you, then it's hopeless for me....

and i don't want to think it's hopeless for me........>__<

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-07 15:03 ID:IDQRSTVX

>>4

>>ITS NOT HOPELESS

If only.

I'm 25, getting ready to head off to grad school, and I'm even farther behind than #1 -- not only have I never had a girlfriend, I haven't even had a regular friend for eight years now.

So believe it when I say that time doesn't necessarily improve things. In fact, as the years fly past I realize that they're only hurting my chances even more; women my age want guys who are experienced, not guys for whom relationships remain as alien as they were in middle school. Any woman who dated me would essentially step back in time to the days when she dated clueless, fumbling teenagers.

At 20, that's fine; you're still young. At my age, that's lethal.

So, keep trying. Make use of the opportunities available to you, while they still exist. If you don't, you just might find that your train has left the station for the last time, and will never return. After that, you're just killing time until the end.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-07 20:15 ID:brAqFkkX

>>5
oh god stop depressing me

7 Name: H-town Stomper : 2009-03-07 22:51 ID:1AcORW2b

>>1 dont be a pansy, you got to be the best to get the best.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-07 23:27 ID:Jwm9gVuj

>>3 , >>2 here. I didn't mean that girls are immature and guys are supposed to be super mature, paragons of the human race. I agree with you, many many males are absolute trash. All they want is sex and they don't care about the feelings of the girl. All I meant to say is that from what I've seen is that many girls it seems, even at that age, are still immature enough to go for the "bad boy," instead of the quiet nice guys like us who really would care about them. I guess I'm just frustrated that I've spent my life trying to be a gentleman and all the girls seem to want the bad boy. It's bullshit and not fair. Besides, you seem to be assuming that because you're mature, you represent the rest of female kind; you don't. Just like I don't represent all males in trying to be a nice guy. It seems that for the most part, both sexes are comprised mostly of idiots: either immature males who only want to use women for sex and the girls who aren't mature enough to say fuck off to those kinds of guys. Then the rest of us are spread so thin that it's hard for nice people to meet each other. At least this is my experience; hence, why I'm so depressed about my love life.

Hate to say it, but >>7 has a point that applies to all of us with self-esteem problems. Don't short change yourself. Confidence helps a lot so believe in yourself. You're capable of finding someone so believe in yourself!

And >>5, this isn't lethal. Sometimes someone who isn't jaded to the so called "love game" can be a point of attraction. Besides, grad school is a great place to meet people. In fact, I'd say your chances of finding someone in gradschool are ten fold better than in undergrad. People are starting to really consider the big open world and realizing they don't want to have to face it alone so this makes them look at their options and want to find a steady, dependable person. I'd be surprised if a person like you doesn't find someone before your half-way point in grad school so be patient and keep your eyes open. You'll be fine I bet.

9 Name: empty : 2009-03-08 03:16 ID:wT77pQQt

I definitely have noticed what you mean. The majority of men and women seem to be idiots. The hard part for me isn’t finding the nice girls, I see nice girls or at least girls who seem nice all the time. There are only two problems.
1) These girls often already have boyfriends, most of whom are far better looking and more socially exiting than I am.
2) When I finally do meet a single nice girl who is willing to talk with me I get friend-zoned.
2 is a large part my fault I think. To tell the truth the only thing I really have going for me is that I am extremely loyal. While this does tend to make girls trust me it also hurts my chances. Rather than making girls think “Oh wow, he seems really trustworthy and caring, he would make a stable boyfriend.” They seem think “Oh wow, he seems really trustworthy and caring, He would make a great friend, someone to talk to without the emotional attachment or drama”. Still I don’t intend to give up. If we give up we are guaranteed to lose.

10 Name: H-town Stomper : 2009-03-08 03:24 ID:1AcORW2b

>>9 You have to feel like you are the most important person in the room.

For inspiration, check out Lil Wayne in Pop Bottles, or 50 Cent in I get money. These are both good examples of how to get your swag on.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-08 09:27 ID:iTTAYAQL

to poster #5
i'm a twenty something female and since i've never been with a guy before i hope he is inexperienced as me. if he was really experienced i think i'd feel anxious and pressured all the time.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-09 11:54 ID:2wZYlCBH

there is hope, but it involves some effort and sweat on your side. You just need to reach out more for people you are interested in. If you shut yourself and hide on a corner, there's no chance someone will take an interest in you, considering there are plenty of other people around who don't make things so difficult for themselves.

Take more initiative. There are lots of advantages to that, you get more freedom in choosing your pick. And even if you get to weather rejections, you only really need one hit to win this game.

13 Name: Shades : 2009-03-09 12:32 ID:JFHnrRof

ugh... dont u guys think this will be a major world-wide problem in the future?

14 Name: empty : 2009-03-10 03:16 ID:wT77pQQt

I’m not sure that putting myself out there is the best idea. While girls do tend to like me when they get to know me, I’m not the kind of guy a girl gets excited about when he just approaches out of the blue. I usually come off as awkward, socially inept, and a little pathetic.

I’ve been analyzing my life and interactions with women lately and I have just come to another sad conclusion. I think one of the reasons girls are friendly to me is that I have a kind of “kicked dog” appeal. I’m that guy who tries to raise a plant, not because I have a green thumb, but because it can’t reject me, only to have the plant wilt the next day.

Well, even if I am a kicked dog every dog has his day so I’ll keep getting up and trying, maybe I will meet a dog lover :).

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-10 05:00 ID:hjOmZg3T

>>12

You need to define what is "hiding in a corner" and what is "taking advantage".

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-10 07:51 ID:QOrhHdni

>>15 If at a party you sit in a corner, and don't speak with other people unless directly addressed to, you're hiding in a corner. You must actively initiate communication with others, without being a bother (that's a social skill you need to develop by training).

As for taking advantage: there are many people that are passive, and wait for someone to pick them up. If you are the one doing the picking, you can afford to choose the best. If you are the passive one, you have to deal with whatever comes to you. The one doing the picking has much more chances of ending up with a nice pick ^_^

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-12 13:40 ID:IDQRSTVX

>>13

>>ugh... dont u guys think this will be a major world-wide problem in the future?

Only for the tiniest fraction of a fraction of the population.

I mean, look around you. Even here, most people manage to find relationships. Those of us who cannot, and who have never had any dating experience even though we're in our twenties and thirties, are a statistically insignificant minority.

Personally, I'm inclined to believe this is just natural selection taking its course. If you manage to finish grade school, high school, and college without ever getting even a single date, like I did, it's a safe bet that you lost the genetic lottery. A life of perpetual solitude, then, is only natural -- why would any woman want to help propagate the genes of a failure like me?

There are plenty of folks who succeed at love. The world has no reason to bother with or care about us failures.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-13 00:47 ID:SUy2biLB

>>17

jesus christ, you should give pep talks to teenage girls, nothing more inspiring than telling people they're failures from birth.

listen, it's hard for all of us, but if you want a relationship, you're gonna have to pursue it. don't wait for something to happen, go out there and make it happen.
as they say, half of success is showing the fuck up.

  ...or at least that's what courage wolf tells me.

it's really quite hard to put your heart on your sleeve, especially when you and I have been so emotionally damaged up to this point. but, rarely does anyone actually get any relationships without actually pursuing it themselves. You're gonna have to make your own story on this one.

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