Hi, im 22 and my girlfriend is 18, me and my girlfriend were together for 3 years! Thats a lot of time, i had dreams, she had dreams, we were a happy couple.
She started saying things like "lets live the present, lets not make future plans" a couple of months ago. 1 month ago she said she wanted to break up.
I was in shock, sad, i cried. In shock because of her wanting to break with me, destroying everything we had build together, and in shock because i couldnt imagine living without her, she is unique.
I talked to her on the phone for several days, she went to a cousin house for 5 days, she met a guy from a band, they spent the 5 days together (she said they only kissed). She said she was going to spend the weekend with im again and things could get sexual. (He lives very far)
I got worse, i saw everything crumbling. I told her that was the line, i would be dead inside, but i could never look at her again if she went with him.
It's been almost two weeks, she didnt go, but i dont know about the future. We met for a coffee, she asked me for a hug, she said she doesnt love, she doesnt know why that happened. I told her i can forget everything, can forgive everything, that i just want to be happy with her again.
She said "i think i cant do that, at least now". She said "i think", she looks confused and im sad everyday. Her mother is very ill, i told her that maybe she was confused because of that.
What should i do? Believe me, i love her, i could die for her, but i trusted her too, and she did this after 3 years, out of the blue.
Should i try to get her back? How can she love me again? What should i do?
Thank you.
tonight is the night, i'll tell her that i love her but i cant be in this situation anymore. I wont call her again, i wont be with her from now on.
THis will make me understand reality.
If she just forgets about me and moves on i can say she was the biggest error of my life, i will have a lot of problems of self-esteem and trust.
If she misses me (i doubt it) and calls me asking me to forgive her i may or may not go back to her. If she calls me one year from now i dont think i will be able to go back to her.
I cried on the phone, she seems concerned but doesnt show any signs of wanting to come back to me.
I feel so much hate towards averything and everyone.
Wish me luck for tonight. But i already know what will happen.....
Oh god....my belly hurts a lot.
I will be meeting her in a couple of hours, im so depressed.
I will buy flowers for her mother with a card saying "get well!", i really liked her family, now they are lost too.
im fucked, my life is a mess, my head is a mess, i dont like doing martial arts anymore, i dont like classes anymore, everything reminds me of her.
What hurts me too is the fact that in my birthday in january, days before she broke up with me, she said: "You know, i love you, im proud of you. I fell proud when i talk about you to my friends".
Then she met the other guy, she talked a lot about his band, she was always listening to his cd's....then she breaks up with me and goes to him.
I know it is rough. But stand strong. You are the one in control. Not her. Don't give her flowers, don't give her a card. What did she do to deserve those gifts? She broke your heart, you don't owe anything to her. I would also recommend not meeting her. But if you do meet her this will be the last time. You need to cut off contact. It will help to just cut her out of your life.
I know it is rough but stay active, do activities that will help you keep distracted from her. Pick up a hobby. I recommend learning an instrument. It is fun but also requires concentration that will help you not think about her.
Don't drink, because it can be dangerous if you do it in excess.
It is always darkest before the dawn. I will not lie it will get worse before it will get better. Hang tough. We are all here for you.
Just came back....
Told her everything and learned that she went to bed with him, she said she went to bed and said "no" before doing anything. She told me she isnt seeing him anymore.
She cried and asked me if after hearing all of this i could go back to her. I said i would.
I said many many things, i tried everything, she cried too. Asked me for a hug several times.
i told her this wouldnt be my last time with her because i need to give her her mother's flowers.
She said she doesnt know what to do, what to think.
She told me to try not contacting her, and when i have the flowers to meet her.
I didnt saw anger on this last words, i didnt understand them as "leave me alone". They were almost a "let me think, let me see if i miss you, let me see if i still love you". She said she wont try to find a guy soon.
As always i still have hope, hope that she comes back to me.
I know, i'm an idiot, a fool, a fool who is in love, a fool who misses her lips, her smile, her hair, her smell.
Let's see what the future will bring... i will try to pray maybe, between beer's...
You should probably stop being so hurt. Emotions are good but you have to be stronger. If you chase they will flee, if you dont care then they will. (But if you flee, then your gay. Nothing wrong with that, but your going after the wrong type.)
So she cheats on you, breaks up with you and you bring her flowers?
My friend you had the power, but you just gave up to her. You could have controlled the situation but you didn't.
Congratulations! You have no balls. When you had the opportunity to pull out on your own terms, you didn't. Now she has you by the balls and she controls your every action.
Now while you wait for her to get together with you, she has the opportunity to meet other guys while not worrying about cheating on you. Women can rationalize anything, so if you are not together then she can do what she wants. I know she said she was not looking for other guys, but she did cheat on you so how can you be sure you can trust her.
Everything I told you to do she did it first and now she has all of the power. Stop being a push over. The relationship is over but all you can fight for now is your dignity and self respect.
>>7
I didnt gave her flowers, read again. Her mother is very ill, i will give her flowers for her mother. They have nothing to do with me and her.
So, wanna rephrase that comment?
No.
The flowers weren't for her. But the hugs were for her and you said you would go back to her despite the fact she wronged you.
I see i did not explain everything properly.
I did no gave her flowers, she asked me several times for a hug, i said no.
I just talked, said i could not understand how that happened.
She asked me after some tears if i would go back to her, i said i would but it would not be easy.
In the end she needed to go home, her father was calling so she said that, "dont call me in the next days, when you have the flowers for my mother we meet again".
Im not going to call her, and when we meet im just going to give her the flowers, i wont say anything to her, i wont ask anything more, i will wait.
I hope she sees me again as someone important, i hope she realises she was wrong and asks for forgiveness.
Thats in the situation i am right now!
Well, talked to her on the internet and then on the phone.
She says we cant be a couple again.
She wants to be my friend, she says im a wonderfull person.
A friendship?? Seeing her with other guys?
Forget it.
I really dont know what to do.
forget it man. all is lost. like stated posts before mine. you have to fight for your self respect now and regain your confidence.
i recommend getting a way hotter girl. "accidentally" bumping into her with this much hotter girl and make her feel as bad as she made you feel. one way or another. she must find out she wronged the wrong guy and make her realize she lost something way too good for her. forget her man.
slowly forget about her and move on, to find that someone who actually loves you as much as you do her!
good luck op
From perfect girl to a painfull memory in a week...
She used to be all alone in school, i got to know her, i made her happy, i made her smile again. We made friends together.
Even if she doesnt see it, i made what she is now. She says "love cant be charged" but i dont believe in that.
She used me and now out of the blue she goes away....
also, how can i ever find someone like her? someone who knows me well, someone who likes the same things as i do?
If it ever happens it will take time, a lot of it.
yes, it does take time. Just like me, I thought I found the right girl too. I thought she was very compatible with me. But too bad, she chose another dude over me. Oh well....I bid her farewell.
just read your posts over again OP and you will see how pathetic you sound. just move on. stop shoving your face into shit by thinking about her. shes nothing.
Bro, I've been in your situation... and then I did exactly what >>29 suggested. It was hilarious how much my ex flipped her shit, especially when she realized I was no longer pining over her (which hurt her ego badly)! Ha ha!
I'll try to go out with some friends, even ask to go out with them, be friends again.
For the time being im not going to say anything to her.
I've been thinking.
She says she "thinks" she doesnt love me.
She says that maybe she is making the biggest mistake of her life.
She says she still has all my photos on her bedroom wall.
So why the hell did she destroy everything?
I think she wanted you to be the one who breaks the relationship. This way, she won't get the blame and she won't feel guilty about it.
>>39
Maybe she just wants you to feel bad or jealous or something? Regardless, if she really thought she was making a mistake, she wouldn't have done it. For your own sake, OP, you need to stay away from her.
stop thinking about what she said. because it doesnt matter man., the bottom line is she said she wanted to break up. thats it. stop thinking about it. just move on OP
Sorry to say this OP, but i have the urge to say ...."What a bitch!"
Yes, my problem is, how can a girl go from a perfect person to a bitch in a matter of days?
I don't think she's being a bitch. On the contrary, I think she has honestly tried not to hurt you too much. But seems like you are not ready to let her politely go, and won't release her until things get ugly.
I agree with everything, except for your taste in music.
I'd have to say Ooh La La by the Faces is a better song for the situation.
> For the time being i'm not going to say anything to her.
I'm proud of you for taking the high road.
If she 'thinks' she doesn't love you and 'maybe' she's making the biggest mistake of her life... couldn't only one be true? Let the second one be the reality. If she comes back to you, then you get to make the choice of whether to take her back or let her heart break in turn.
She tell's me she wants to break up. We break up.
I ask why, i ask if she still loves me, she says she "thinks" she doesnt. Then she tells me that i was a perfect boyfriend, that maybe letting me go is going to be the biggest mistake of her life. She tells me my photos are still on her wall.
I ask her if we are going to be together again, she tells me "i dont know, maybe in one week or one month im going to regret what i am doing".
What the hell? If she wanted to let me go why say all these things?
Isnt it strange and confusing?
Thanks. I prefer gangsta rap because it is stupid and senseless. But it is all preference really.
Of course it doesn't make any sense. Girls never know what they want. They are masters of indecisiveness. She is keeping you at arms length right now. She broke up with you and the proper reaction is to move on and put her behind you. But by saying all of that stuff she is keeping you close enough where if she changes her mind you are not too far gone where you are a complete lost. Right now she is looking for something better because she as >>40 said, a bitch.
When I say the ball is in your court, here is the evidence. You are free to do what you want you have nothing to lose because you already lost it. She is basically taking a gamble right now seeing if anything is better than you. The guy in the band she saw as a window of opporunity and something better than you. She figured she can find that something and if she doesn't find anything she can go back to you. Little does she know, she really cannot do any better than you.
But honestly from what you described, you are too good for her. You can do better than her. If you just spend some time back on the market you will realize how many girls out there are better than her.
You want to be in the position where, when she is ready to go back to you, and I do mean when not if, you can look at and say no.
This sounds exactly like my old girlfriend. We went out for 1.5 years, she worked as a counselor for a camp one summer, hooked up with a guy there (funny thing I was the one in the band :-/). Week she comes back we break up. I go from sick, to sad, numb, angry, bitter, spiteful, to finally happy. At the end of the summer, she tried to get together with me. But I thought to myself I did nothing wrong I am better than her so I should find someone as good as me. No revenge was sweeter than saying "I moved on" in her face. She got so mad and it was hilarious.
I feel like you are making progress. Just remember never look back. She is the past and your future is bright. Who knows, one day you will bump into someone and turns out she is the love of your life. Keep your chin up, the worst is now over, now comes the boring part.
>>46 it may be strange and confusing, but it's nothing new, I have already seen it happening several times.
The issue is that she has outgrown your relationship, which did not satisfy her anymore, but has not found yet what she needs for herself, hence her hesitations.
But don't worry, when/if she finds someone appropriate for her, she'll close the chapter on you much more decisively. Granted, she should be more forceful in closing off with you, but it's not like you're helping with your clingyness. And sticking to her won't help you, you'll just hate her more and more, I don't see the point in it. Don't blame her for your own incapacity to move on, the blame rests squarely on you for that.
Sad_One,
Do something to keep you occupied. I think I've told you how I moved on, if not, I'll say it again. I eat, sleep, play games, watch movies, go out with cousins and friends and watch porn.
Right now, I have totally moved on from liking her even though at some point, I'm curious on how she's doing. But I chose not to check her blog at all. I got myself a job. I kept occupying myself by working 6 days a week even though it's not a full time job. I'm totally focused on making money now rather than looking for relationship.
So my suggestion to you is, do something to keep you occupied. Even better if you can improve your image and be proud for what you've done to yourself. Self-happiness is no.1 in life.
sad_one
Your story shakes my soul with memories of yesterday... it is not at all dissimilar from yours.
Had I been able to sacrifice the world for her, I gladly would've, without blinking; though it would mean nothing to her. Playing music to the deaf, an exercise in futility.
She hasn't really lost you; she still reaps the benefit of your attention. Still gets to talk to you when she wants. All benefit, no responsibility, why should she come back?
Try getting ghost for a bit. Give her a real taste of not having you. Silence can be maddening... Cosign 49's last suggestion. >>>Live now>>>
Didn't really bother reading most of this comments here.
Here's the advice I give anyone who wants to get back together after a breakup. And this advice is almost, always ignored.
You have to cut off contact. Don't be a little tool and call her at weird times or send her flowers. She expects you to drool all over her for awhile and if you don't you might have a chance of luring her back.
Today i gave her flower for her mother that is very ill.
She said it was a very noble gesture.
I told her i still love her but i cant wait for her, she said she is confused, she isnt sure if she loves me or not.
I gave her all of our love letter, hopefully she will see them and think about what she lost.
I wont talk to her again, i wont call her again, i will try to not think about her.
Lets see where this leads me, to loneliness or to her comeback.
For now i will disappear from her life.
>Lets see where this leads me, to loneliness or to her comeback.
Neither. In a short time you will be happy again. Just take it one day at a time.
>>53
I agree!
>>52
You'll feel sad for few days. But you'll be happy soon. Trust me. It's not all that bad being single and not being in love with anyone. Me free to do whatever me want.
Look at me, I work 6 days a week. If I have a g/f right now, I will have no time to give her attention anyway. That's because I need that 1 day break to recover. Otherwise I'm going to break.
my life has been shit...
Okay, dude, are you going to take our advice or not? Because if you're not, shut up and don't complain to us as you wallow in your own misery.
Sorry to sound like a dick, but seriously, this thread has gone on longer than it should.
The best thing you can do is move on. Distract yourself. Keep in mind you're 4 years older than her, start acting like it. When she's around you treat her like an inferior, not harshly mind you but in a teasing way. DISTRACT DISTRACT DISTRACT DISTRACT. Key words, and you'll be over her in no time.
The one thing I can tell you from personal experience is not to be hopeful. Everything she does should mean nothing to you, don't read into anything.
I asked her if she would be able to never hear from me again, never see me again, never hear my voice again, see my smile...
She said no...
On the other hand she doesnt want to have anything with me besides a friendship.
I wont say anything to her again..i will wait for her to talk again with me.
Still in shock at how in one day she said she loved me and the other she said she wanted to break up, im still waiting for her to wake up from a bad dream that she is having...
ok guys, talked to a LOT of people about my problem.
I wont call her back, i wont contact her in any way.
I'll try to live my life...
If she realizes im forgetting her, and that she made a mistake and comes back.. then i will think about it.
Fuck Just Fucking STOP!!! Your acting lick a bitch. When I first read your thread I felt bad for you because I know heart break. But this is too much. SHE DOESNT WANT YOU. Stop letting her dominate your life. I really hope you’re a troll because if this is how you actually are I don’t see how you can get anywhere in life. GOD. Grow some balls and find someone else. Even if she did come back why would you want her? Just forget her and move on!!!
Dont be a fucking idiot, what do you know about her?
Do you know what a 3 year relationship is? HOw can i fucking forget so quickly??
Besides, she told me she was confused, she couldnt erase me from her life.
FUck you
You're 22? Really? I find that hard to believe. You're acting more around the 15-ish range.
Either grow the fuck up or get the fuck out. You're obviously not listening to us anyway.
Ditch the bitch.
>>62
Amen.
This thread has gone on too long. If you're gonna keep being miserable, go away until you actually want to listen to our advice.
Jesus Fucking Christ.
The people here have done nothing but try to give OP good advice and all he has done is bitch and continue to through it all back in their face.
As for you OP she is 18 how the hell is she supposed to know what she wants in a partner, she is only just starting to understand herself. No one ever said forgetting would be easy, because the fact of the matter is that it is not. It is the hardest thing you could ever try to do. But if you don’t even try you will wallow in misery for a long time. But that is ok go on and suffer for the next several months or years while she tries to decide if she wants you or not. The rust of us will move on and forget that this little thread ever existed. We will move on, cheer on new romances, console other acing hearts, and help hopeless singles achieve love. You can stay here in your misery or you can join use, your choice.
In short, No my good sir Fuck YOU
My plan is "not talking to her anymore, real life or internet". Of course i will never forget her, its impossible, but im not saying im going to wait for her, ill try to meet other girls, going out with friends, do sports, etc.
It'll be hard, but just cut all ties. No contact, whatsoever. You won't forget her - a relationship that long when you're so young will stay with you for the rest of your life, and you will compare all girls to her standard from now on. There is no way around this, there is no sugarcoating it. It sucks. That's hard, but that's life. You'll learn to live with it - this happens to every guy (except the retards that marry the first girl they fall in love with). It's a tough lesson, but you'll be stronger for it. But that's what being a man is about.
My solution to when I feel that crap is to look at myself in the mirror and say with all my heart "fuck you" to my reflection... A reminder that I'm tougher than this. That I have other shit in my life. Fill your life with content. The chicks will come anyways. There will be others, some better, some worse, but in general, women begin to know shit about life around 25, and up until then, you'll just have to learn to cope with insanity.