How to forget (15)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-14 03:28 ID:TbAMoONV

Most everybody here is trying to get with someone. I'm trying to forget.

She was one of those "almost" kinds of girls, the kind that was very nearly perfect except it didn't work out. I want to get her out of my head, and the only thing I can muster is bury myself in my work or anything else I can find to distract myself, but they're just distractions at best. I tried to get into other girls, but no one else ever caught my attention quite the same way, and I'll even find myself comparing her to the girl. It's been more than a year; I must be sick or something.

I haven't gone clubbing in a while, so with a month break from school, I thought I'd go. At worst, it'll make a good distraction. In any case, I need a real solution. How do I forget?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-14 08:59 ID:ULbfMMNO

There's a phase in a relationship where you idealize your partner, because you still don't know who he is, and you project all your hopes and desires into him. But after a while, this illusion dissipates, and you get to know who your partner really is (with happy or sad consequences).

It seems in your case you never got to the second phase, so you are stuck in the idealization phase. Even worse, now that there is no relationship anymore, your imagination has no bounds left to continue idealizing your memories of the girl. The infatuation you are developing is so involved that no real girl can hope to compete against that. Similar things happen with a deceased lover, with whom the new lover has no chance of competing.

So good and a bad news to you: the bad is that the girl you are fantasying about only exists in your head. The good is that you were able experience attraction to a girl, and there is no reason you can't do it again. But you will have to see your fantasies for what they are, whims of your imagination.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-15 14:02 ID:pjnCUCQ9

Hello OP and >>2

>>2 is so right about the whole thing. Apparently I'm experiencing exactly the same thing that OP does.. and i cant get him out from my head at all! IT'S INSANE! Mainly disturbs my future relationships and how i behave in them.
The good thing is that i try to stay positive about forgetting about him! i know one say i will step over my shadow and it will be all over :)

Good Luck OP!

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-16 01:53 ID:RLARLqXB

OP here. Thanks for the advice. I just have to stay positive myself.

As for the club, I talked up this lovely girl who said she liked my style, but it turned out that she is married. Can't win them all, I guess.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-16 22:38 ID:DYoCCcKB

don't give up Op... you're doing great, distractions and communication (or more) with other girls is the best you can do, she will leave your head sooner or later... I've experienced something similar, 5 years in love with girl whom I've never had chance with but it's been 2 years now and I'm over her, trying to find real relationship

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-17 10:04 ID:pjnCUCQ9

>>5 pitty how we spend so much priceless time on simple oneitis!!! :P

OP, WE CAN DO IT!!! :)

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-27 10:40 ID:KKuHKtUf

i can completely understand you!! i have a girl i like and she's so pretty and kind that she melt my heart!! XD

but i accidentally confess myself throught handphone and she freak out. i have already send a lot of sms saying im sorry but she just wont reply....im so sad!!

and by the way i dont think you have to forget, if you truly like her then you can stay virgin forever right??

8 Name: OP : 2009-03-27 13:45 ID:lG93fpKe

>>7

Virgin? I think you are jumping to conclusions.

And yes, I do have to forget. >>2 set the record straight for me. And there's other girls around; I'm trying not to get hung up over just one girl anymore, and you shouldn't either. Believe me, it's a lot easier this way.

I think I'm doing much better. It's all a matter of keeping busy and keeping in my mind what >>2 said.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-27 15:51 ID:W3jZdFxH

>>7
hanging on one girl that's ignoring you sucks hard... believe me - been there, done that... it's just waste o time and you will be sorry for those wasted years, just like I am now... there's plenty of girls out there who could mean even more for you like the one you're currently in love does but with keeping that girl in your head you're just throwing out other chances

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-28 15:09 ID:julNHa1A

what you say have a point but usally people say that only one person is the real othre half of you

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-28 15:56 ID:RxK9YHEc

>>10
Then given we're around 7 billion people on earth, we're all pretty screwed. (even reducing that number by age)

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-28 18:11 ID:W3jZdFxH

9 here

>>10
well yeah, people believe in this, but what would you do when someone who you think is the true other half of you just fucks you up? what then? do I have to kill myself just because my other half screw me up? (she thought the same about me)... I'm still young, I admit, everything can happen and maybe I will end up with her later and that will be the moment, when I'll start to believe in real other half's... but for now my opinion is that, as 11 said, there's freaking lot of people here and every one of them is different in some kind of way so there are billions of combinations, some of them may fit you, some of them don't... but there's still lot of those that fit you, not mentioning that you can't get to know a person entirely in a week...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-29 15:18 ID:ZCyS8kqG

>>11 >>12
....im speechless
but still it better to choose the right cup of tea rather than having a affair outside

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-03 13:48 ID:uotz19o/

forget her. im forgetting mine already

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-08 11:07 ID:yOHqrHNy

I went through one of those phases last year. It lasted at least 6 months. I couldn't see him anymore, and ever since then I started putting him on a pedestal. Time helps. Meeting new people helps. It also helps when you remember bad stuff about them. You'll get over her.

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