>>why don't you have any now? do you like that fact or not like it?
Not the OP, but I've never been on a date because I'm scared shitless of women. Tried to get over it, but every time it feels like I'm starting to make progress, I just get beaten back even further down.
About 18 months ago, I thought I might have finally been able to ask a female out. She was a couple years younger than me, granted, but we'd been in a few classes together and she didn't seem completely repulsed by me. I started to think she might even possibly say "yes" if I asked if she wanted to get a cup of coffee with me.
Then, on the very day I had chosen to ask her out, I saw her making out with another guy. They were completely wrapped around each other. I sank like I'd been hit with a depth charge.
Within a week, I'd attempted suicide twice, and got myself so blitzed on alcohol that I started getting nightmarish hallucinations.
I've stabilized since then -- no further suicide attempts, though those two weren't the first. But now I can't even look at women as potential partners. All I see is that girl from 18 months ago. Anytime I come across a woman whom I might have been interested in, earlier in my life, all I can think of is how she'd probably cheat on me even if we ever wound up going out.
I wish, I wish I had a girlfriend, but I realize by this point that I'm pretty much fucked up beyond all hope. I know I'm going to die a dateless virgin, and that thought depresses me beyond belief, but there's nothing I can do about it except to wait patiently for the end.