Need help or advice on getting to the next level. (9)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-06 13:21 ID:xniAkBcX

Hallo /love/. I'm writing this with the hope that anon has an answer or at least a piece of advice for me.

I've been going out with this girl. She is of the punk/rebel type, with an artistic aura to her. She is more feminine than you would come to expect just by seeing her, and she is really cute.

Even when I'm not punk/rebel type (I have no association with any kind of urban tribe) we have clicked well because I'm able to discuss whatever theme she brings to the table, and, being an artist myself, we have found to have lots of things in common. We also like cats, and her sister (and even her sister's husband) have grown fond of me.

However, anons of /love/, I'm afraid I'm starting to get dangerously close to being friendzoned. I don't want that to happen. I've been friendzoned plenty of times, but I never cared before because I didn't think the others were worth the effort. But I think she does, and I'm at a loss on when to tell her I love her without it sounding weird, and I think I'm running out of time.

Please help me anons.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-06 15:00 ID:7x1xMiax

>>1 Actually, at which level are you? Do you spend time just both of you? Do you kiss, do you make out?

You need to know your current level, before we can tell you how to go to the next one.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-06 16:26 ID:Heaven

>>2
He's in fear of being friendzoned. I don't think they're making out...

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-06 18:26 ID:xniAkBcX

OP here.

You are both right. No, we are not making out yet, but there is a certain empathy. When we go out, we can spend several hours doing just anything, without getting tired of one another. Our plans usually last like 7 hours, be it talking, walking around or painting.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-06 22:16 ID:A3OBXf+Z

>>4 In that case, I would do the following

  • touch her more often. Touch her with your fingertips, hug her. Make sure you kiss as often as possible (when meeting, when parting)
  • do stuff that couples do (go dance, go eat together), not only stuff that firends do
  • talk about love, relationships, etc

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-07 01:32 ID:xniAkBcX

>>5

Thanks for your advice. I'll try to follow them.

I'm always kinda afraid of touching too much. Here in my country (Colombia) women are slightly paranoid when it comes to that. They tend to feel you want to rape them or something, instead of starting a relationship >.<

But what you say is right. I suck at dancing, but I'm great cooking. Have any other ideas on what to do? All of a sudden I draw blanks here.

Thanks for the help.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-07 08:09 ID:7x1xMiax

>>6 the whole idea is that you touch her more than a friend would. Otherwise there's no point and you'll be friendzoned. If in your culture friends touch each other little, then some touching and hugging will be enough. If like me you live in a culture where touching, hugging and kissing are the norm between friends, then you'll get to step up the level of contact. So in a sense, you are lucky, you have less effort to do to achieve the same effect ^_^

If you are great at cooking, then cook for her, but do put a touch of romanticism into it (a dinner between friends is very different from a dinner between lovers). Also, it's not because you suck at dancing that you should not try. Why don't you take lessons with her? The whole point of the exercise is to get into close physical contact, not to win competitions. And learn to dance will always be useful to you, it's one of the most efficient ways of getting intimate with a woman.

Anyways, the principle is simple: do things with her that lovers do, not friends. If you need ideas, ask around what the lovers around you are doing together (besides sex, of course)

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-07 17:07 ID:3HKgQGvM

>>When we go out, we can spend several hours doing just anything, without getting tired of one another. Our plans usually last like 7 hours, be it talking, walking around or painting.

The bad news is: You're already in the friend zone
The good news is: She might not realize it.

THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE HER: Make sure it's in a romantic setting. A quiet, secluded place in a park, for example. One good tactic is to say or do something that makes her hit you in a playful way. After she does that, say "You like me" in a 'I knew it all along' voice. She'll initially deny it, of course, but keep pressing it on her. Say she's like a little girl who hits boys to get their attention.

Now, a little it later, maybe during a quiet moment, say, "So why haven't we kissed yet?" I know it takes guts to say something like that, but imagine some famous male icon saying it in a movie to his female costar. Say it aloud and imagine it working in you head. Also imagine any possible excuse she could come up with and a counter to it.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-07 23:20 ID:xniAkBcX

>>8

Haha. Nice. You may have a point there, but I know I haven't been friendzoned because there isn't that "trust" from hers towards me. I mean, she still isn't talking about her past boyfriends or how she hates it when guys do things, and usual "friends" talk.

I really like your advice. I'll try to gather all info you've given me and put it to work. I just hope I don't get overboard with it.

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