For a while I was hanging out with this one girl I know. She is older than me by about 3 years, but she was forced to stay in school for a couple of years after her immigration to the states. She graduated after the midterms in my high school. I am a junior.
Anyway, she and I became friends, sort of. We talked on the phone a lot, maybe 3 hours a day for a period. I never had talked for that long on the phone with anyone before her, but I didn't mind with her. Eventually she and I started to see each other in person on a more regular basis, and our phone conversations became shorter.
I told her how I felt about her, and she told me I had to wait before dating her. She told me she was still getting over her Ex. I understood that, I thought. She told me how the guy had been such a bad person. He forced her to have sex with him without protection, and how he got her pregnant. Then, he took her to New York and forced her to get an abortion. I wanted to punch the guy, but of course he was no longer around. He went back to his home country to marry his fiance.
So, I thought to myself, I was in the clear. That guy was a huuuuge douche, and not even around. She knew how I felt. She told me she was starting to have feelings for me too.
The day after my birthday, she and I talked on AIM. It was nice. She told me I made her feel happy.
Her birthday was coming up. We had plans to hang out at her house. I called her about the time, and she said, "Oh, I am with my boyfriend, he is sitting right next to me. Sorry sorry sorry, don't call me anymore." She hung up.
I thought she was joking, testing me. She had tested me before, she said, and I had passed wonderfully. I wasn't sure how to pass the test, so I called her back. She wasn't joking. She really was with him. I thought to myself, "What the fuck? With that asshole?"
So, I went to her house. I thought the least I should do was fucking hit that guy for everything he had done. But, they weren't there. Her brother told me they were gone, in NY.
Now, I have no fucking clue why it all happened. He comes back, and suddenly I am shit? I was used, that's what her friends (they aren't really happy with her, apparently they actually thought I was better than the last guy, in their opinions) said. She had used them too. No one has really heard from her, not even her family.
It has been a couple of months now. I no longer feel good or bad when I think of her. Only confused. I don't understand why she did what she did. More importantly, I don't know why I don't feel more hurt. Am I fickle, or what could explain how I feel?
Well, many women are like that, affectively dependent on an abusive partner. It's hard to understand them, because even after incredibly bad treatment, they'll still go for their guy. But you don't need to understand it to accept that it's a fact of life, and that you can do little about it.
If she was around, you could have directed her to have some psychological counseling, but if she disappeared, that's not even an option anymore.
In any case, don't take it personally. She was not behaving this way because you are shit, but because she is mentally sick. And as for not feeling hurt anymore, it's part of the healing process. Just make sure that you don't become bitter. There is no reason to, as there are plenty of sane and healthy women around with whom you could be happy.
Thanks a lot for your kind words.
I am sure that I won't be bitter, I was a little at first, but now I am not concerned. I was just unsure if my lack of concern, etc., was normal. I take it that it is, now, but please correct me if I am wrong.