3 month limit... dating bad luck. How can I stop it!? (14)

1 Name: Payton : 2009-06-05 00:40 ID:wYEOZWNg

So here's the deal, I was a late bloomer when it came to dating and anything physical with the opposite sex where I grew up at least. I guess you could say I first "dated" someone when I was about 18 and a half. Now that's a long story that lasted, wait for it... 3 months. I knew the guy for a year before and we hated each other. Suddenly things started to change and we actually hung out with mutual friends. The story there is I fell in love, he was my first, and it was all in all, a fairly screwed up situation. He was 9 years older than me and an alcoholic and I still shake my head in disbelief at the situation I had put myself in. I think about how naive i had been. Afterwards, I dated a guy who had a fairly low opinion of women (even though he himself was a wannabe pretty boy who spent most of his time in his parent's basement playing WoW) another one of those
"What was I thinking?!" situations. I was still 18, we dated for- 3 months! He wouldn't even let me sing in the car! Singing at all pissed him off so much he stormed out of my apartment when some friends and I were singing karaoke when I threw a party. Needless to say, I broke up with him before my 19th birthday. After that I drank alot and did alot of things I wasn't proud of. My reputation within some circles was less than admirable. I had dropped out of college after one semester and didn't feel the motivation to go back. After doing this for a few months, I had recently moved into a house with a sibling of mine and their significant other. A very bad situation. I almost took out their significant other with a broom handle one night because they came home drunk and tried to start a fight with me. That's an example to give you an idea of what I was living with. I hated my life alot, but this thread isn't about that since I'm past that now :) however I decided to join the armed forces, and started dating a guy a month before I left for boot camp and was even able to call him once during that time (one of my few valuable phone calls) and then when I got to my job training, we broke up after - ta da! - 3 months. I dated a guy while I was in training at my first base for about 2 months (sorry broke the pattern ha) and when I transferred bases I dated a new guy after awhile. We dated for about 2 months and he left so it was long distance for about 3 months.
But long distance was more like a break than dating to me. We just talked and when I got stationed at the same base as him, we broke up. I was single for awhile, had an off and on thing with a friend, then dated another guy forrrr.... 3 months. We broke up, it's like a broken record, I know. It's annoying to me as well. Mind you, is it because I have high standards? I know I'm afraid of commitment. Alot of the guys seem to put on a good show in the beginning and then just stop trying after about 2 months. Or maybe I just haven't found the right one. I do have a flair for dating the "Nice Guys" who are secretly a**holes. Now I've been dating a new guy for about a month. I've known him ever since I got stationed and he's a real cool guy. He likes to spend money on me (not used to that) and pay for our dates (also not used to it, right?) and we spend time together instead of me sitting there waiting for him to get off his game. He spends time with his friends (so he's not super obsessive about me) but makes time for me. I'm so nervous I'm going to ruin this. Oh yea, here's a little tasty part of this, he leaves this base and goes to another by the end of this year. Within 3 months of course. Sorry this is so long, I just want some input. I know my story sounds pretty pathetic, and I
sounds like I got around alot so I'm willing to take the criticism thrown my way since I'm not the person I used to be anymore.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-05 03:51 ID:Heaven

Please do use some more air in your next post.

tl;dr - No relationship OP has been in lasted longer than three months, OP is afraid the same will happen again with current relationship.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-05 04:37 ID:FuYfY35R

umm.. dear op.. im sorry to hear.. please aware us of what are the main reasons you break up with guise?

4 Name: Payton : 2009-06-05 11:16 ID:wYEOZWNg

Sorry fore the lack of air in the first post haha I tend to be a very busy person so i try to get as much down as possible...

The man reason I break up with guys? Being continuously disappointed I suppose, but that may be because I have high hopes. The last two guys lied alot, about stupid things even, and when I would catch them in it, I was wrong. I know I have commitment issues, I don't like being restricted, and alot (not all) of guys seem to get very possessive and clingy. I'll admit, when they start doing this I tend to unconciously find things I don't like about them and get irritated when I'm around them after a while. I don't open up very well either to people.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-05 13:39 ID:QmGmoLjG

how do you get along with girls?

It might help us establish whether you have a problem with people in general or just dudes.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-05 13:40 ID:QmGmoLjG

oh and how is your relationship with your dad?

Are there any daddy issues?

7 Name: Payton : 2009-06-05 16:14 ID:wYEOZWNg

I get along with guys pretty well, and girls I'm pretty awkward around, with the exception of my two closest friends. But that may be because alot of girls and women I've been around are kind of vicious. My dad and I get along for the most part, I'm very protective of him. He's has a few kids, and we didn't grow up together due to their stepmother and our age difference. I'll admit, I used to be very angry with him, but I was also angry at everyone in my entire family for a good year or so.

8 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-06-05 19:36 ID:muFB08i9

Your story is interesting to me so I don't think it's pathetic.

Hey, let's try dating together? Although, I might be just another guy who you've been dated for at least three months. However, knowing about this I would break your record not by just breaking it but actually date you on my part.

Anywho, I think you are afraid of something. Not because of the commitment but just something else. Maybe because you're just experimenting and not looking for a long term relationship or maybe simply you haven't found the right one.

9 Name: Payton : 2009-06-05 20:31 ID:wYEOZWNg

Ah, I know one thing I'm afraid of is losing my freedom and my pride in my independence. I've accomplish alot on my own and don't really like working with people very often unless I know they are dependable. I want to be spoiled and taken care of secretly but i have a hard time letting someone do that. The guy I'm currently with takes me out to eat and pays for me almost every single time, and it makes me uncomfortable at time because I feel like I'm taking advantage of him. If I pay for him, he gets uncomfortable and tells me the way he was raised, this is very wrong.

I also hate any choice or opportunity to be taken away from me. I hate missing out on things in life. There are so many things I want to accomplish. I guess having a boyfriend makes me feel like I'll possibly give up things I wanted to do that haven't even occurred yet.

10 Name: Ryuuchi : 2009-06-05 20:56 ID:muFB08i9

Getting in a relationship can be hard and if you want to be in a relationship while you want to do the things you want to do, you need to be honest with your boyfriend/girlfriend. To be frankful to someone you are being with can hurt sometimes but it's for the best. Communication is the best when it comes to serious relationships. Talking things out, you know?

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-06 00:56 ID:LHPCMtnd

>>9
do you feel like this throughout the relationship or only towards the end because if you feel this way in the begining it sounds like you aren't really dating for love or anything it's confusing do you love these people or do you just date them out of boredom or for support. If you love them and they love you then you should both respect and allow each other to have thier own freedoms is doing something you like or want to do together with another person so terrible. the only things that are really taken away are the ability to date other people and why would that be a big deal if you really care about the person you are with now? I guess I'm not understanding what you are saying. You shouldn't feel like you are taking advantage of him because he only does it to show you he cares. feeling bad about it is like feeling bad about him liking you. It's also strange you say you have commitment issues while also saying you joined the armed forces which is a huge freedom restricting commitment if I ever heard one.

relationships are hard they aren't easy you shouldn't expect to find a person that you never argue with in fact if you never argue with them it usually falls apart it sounds like you've just had a very long string of bad relationships where breaking up with them was either the right choice or unavoidable due to other factors just don't be so quick about giving up try to fix things if something bothers you say it like 10 said communication is important

12 Name: Payton : 2009-06-06 03:48 ID:wYEOZWNg

When start liking someone, I date them because I like them, not out of boredom. I understand how that can be confusing, since I am also fairly lost myself at time... ^.^; right. When I look back on my past relationships, I don't regret breaking up with them, but it hurts me whenever I had to. I don't like hurting people, it makes me very anxious. So every single time I would wonder why I got my hopes up again, since it feels like whenever I get involved with someone, it starts out good, then gets very complicated and bad stuff starts happening. I honestly feel like my karma is so out of balance, the people around me are affected by it.

And trust me when I say I am all about not keeping things to yourself if something is bothering you, but it's usually when I try to dig deeper into my feelings I get irritated for no reason. Alot of that has to do with not wanting to be dramatic or cliche, or whatever, but I really don't know why else it bothers me. This is honestly a first for me when it comes to this bulletin, but I'm comfortable because no one knows me and I don't know any of you haha so I don't really have to worry if I get judged on this or not. But at least I know I'll get some honest opinions.

Oh, and I have a hard time using the word love unless I'm talking to a very good friend or family. If I'm with a boyfriend I generally avoid it like the plague because I don't want him to misunderstand if I don't even know if I am in love, or just really like that person. And possibly because, the word freaks me out, and I don't want it to freak him out haha

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-06 19:24 ID:Da+AAfM6

It seems to me you are very quick to go into a relationship, and don't really take the time to get to know and evaluate the other party. It's kind of let's try and see how it works.

Looks like for you it does not work. So I suggest you take more of your time to get to know the guys you are interested in, and only make a move after you have cleared some obvious red flags (alcoholic, mysoginist, etc).

Although this seems tedious, I think you end up wasting less time than by continously starting abortive relationships.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-07 09:00 ID:FuYfY35R

what >>13 said

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