Breaking up a long relationship (5)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-13 05:17 ID:8SeJdJCt

Hello, /love/.

I want to break up with my current girlfriend. She has done nothing wrong, I just want to move on to something new. She is my first girlfriend, and we have been dating for almost 2 years. It's long-distance during the school year, but we talk and visit often. Our relationship is healthy and pretty much conflict-free.

However, since I spend all my time with her, my social life outside of her is non-existent. Even when we're apart I spend all my social time texting or calling her. I feel that it's unhealthy to cling to her like this, and I don't think I can branch out unless I end it.

The problem is that I'm a selfish asshole, and I can't bring myself to break up with her because it would make me look bad. I know I would probably be offended if she broke up with me just because she was bored. I know I'm a huge hypocrite, but I don't have the balls to admit it to her. Plus, I will admit that I do have some attachment issues and that it's much easier and more comfortable for me to just keep the status quo.

Finally, I wouldn't even know how to approach the subject. Since we've been dating for so long and as far as she can tell, our relationship is as strong as ever, with "I love you"s all around. I've been trying to amend this by cutting down on the lovey-dovey, but when we're together I always end up being super-affectionate to her out of habit. To suddenly reverse this and suddenly break up with her -- especially for my petty reasons -- would be cruel.

I appreciate any tips on where I should go from this point.

2 Name: knowing : 2009-06-13 05:39 ID:PH8zyWtb

I suggest talking to her about how you feel first. The way it looks, breaking up might not be your only option. You should try to branch out and have your own social life. You say that you are a huge hypocrite, but the way it sounds, it might be that you need to truly notice it to. I'm sorry if these words sound harsh, but even I at one point had to swallow my pride to accept the fact 100% completely.

So final summary, try to find another way around first, I almost guarantee that it will be better for the both of you.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-13 12:38 ID:hYnmf7AF

Easy.

Just say you can't handle the long distance thing anymore. You're at a point in your life where you want something more than the odd visit. Say that you love her, but you don't feel that your relationship has progressed much in the time that you've been together, and it's because of the distance.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-15 20:20 ID:VKhA4Vxg

Like >>2 says, you have other options than simply to break up. Even if you break up, you'll have the same problem during your next relationship (your girlfriend eating up your social life).

So I suggest that you discuss with your girlfriend about the time issue, that you would like more time for meeting people. It's important for your well being, she should accept it.

Now if the real reason is that you are fed up of your relationship, then by all means, break up with her. If you don't find the words to tell, her, write it on a letter to her. After you finish the letter, you may actually know better what to say, and you can phone her, which is the most humane and nice way of going about it. You had a nice relationship, there's no reason not to end it in a nice way. Not all finished relationships must end with angst and drama. And don't worry too much about her, she'll get over you in time, and grow as a person because of it.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-18 22:44 ID:8SeJdJCt

Thank you, everybody, for the advice. I still have not gathered the courage to talk to her about it. It's hard because in the summer we live near each other and thus hang out quite often, so I feel like I can't suddenly spring this upon her.

But then again maybe it would be even worse to wait until she's far away, because then it's like I was just using her for summer sex. :/

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