Met the Most Amazingly Wonderful Woman (56)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-07 22:15 ID:FRgRyY5l

I met the most amazing girl, and I owe it all to my best friend...but this story is unresolved, so far.

It started when E was in a show at school and she met her...who shall be referred to as M. E told me that she met someone I might be interested in, so I asked for pictures. She linked me to one of M's Facebook photo albums, and oh my god! I was completely floored, just by her pictures, but I know pictures can be deceiving, so I put this to the back of my head. I told T that I'd like to meet her. I know, downplaying my reaction. She told me she'd introduce me to E after the show.

I went to see the show and while my friend did point out M, I froze. I don't work well when prompted to do something, especially if it involves approaching a beautiful woman. So M disappeared quickly afterwards and I never got to meet her. I bugged E once in a while about her, but she never got around to telling M about me.

About three months later, I was hanging out with E and I was talking to her about M. I was basically gushing about this girl and how beautiful she was and how I felt about this, and at that moment, I realized I had to do something or I could miss out on someone that could offer a lot of happiness and may never come back into my life, so I decided to message her on Facebook. Nothing too much, just how T was supposed to introduce us, at the show, but since she was so busy, that figured I should do it myself. This way I had a link back to my friend, so she wouldn't freak about getting a message from some Facebook stranger.

She responded and we exchanged about 20 messages between the both us on Facebook over the course of about 2 1/2 months. About halfway through, I asked about meeting up, she said she would like to, but didn't contact me for a little over a week. I thought it was something I said, so I apologized for making her uncomfortable and said we didn't have to meetup yet if she didn't want to but to let me know when she was ready.

A few days later she responded, saying she was busy and then got sick. I was so relieved that it wasn't something I said. She said she just disappears from time to time. This is annoying, but I can deal with it, just wish I got a warning. We also added each other on Facebook after this. Where I learned that she is 8 years my junior (I'm 26). Wow. I probably should've picked up on that. No big deal. I figured long ago that I need someone younger than me, because of my inexperience, and that they might not be as put off by it. The only thing this made me think is that she might be a little bit immature. She had videos of her posted singing. She has a wonderful voice, but again, the camera is a lie, anything I saw or heard had to be dismissed until we met.

There was a time when I didn't hear back from her for about a month, but she's in the performing arts and was working on a show, so I figured she was busy. I shot out a message just to acknowledge I understood that.

We continued messaging each other, and I became really interested in her through our correspondence, but I was beginning to get the impression as we approached the end of this long messaging thread though, that we would never meet. She seemed a bit shy, but she was quite open about some of her idiosyncracies.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-07 22:20 ID:FRgRyY5l

When I first started messaging her, I had absolutely no confidence. I have zero experience with women. I'm 26, a virgin, never been in a relationship, never truly been on a date, never kissed a woman in a romantic fashion...but I've been hurt by women a whole bunch of times. This has ended up with me feeling unattractive and inadequate to all women. Due to all these things I’ve mentioned, I asked E to approve of my messages. She also doesn't have much experience, she's been in one relationship, but she's got more than me and plus, she's a woman. As we continued to exchange messages, I slowly became more comfortable with them not needing to be screened by my friend first, with certain exceptions once in a while, but I did constantly seek feedback after the fact. I needed that positive reinforcement that I wasn't doing anything wrong, that I was doing OK.

E was having a birthday party, and I casually mentioned how nice it would be if she invited M, since she knew her and wanted to get better acquainted with her as well. Well, I found out she had decided to, but she wasn't sure if she could come and that she would need a ride. So I cleaned and washed the car just in case, and when I got up there, I found out M could come to the party, but she needed a ride. E told her she'd arrange for someone to give her a ride. I joked to E that she should have me go pick her up, but she decided this was a good idea, but I had her call her and let her know, so she wouldn't freak out. As an insurance policy, because her comfort and safety was of utmost importance to me, I had E come along with me. We all know how internet meetups can be.

When I pulled up to the corner and saw her, I was absolutely awestruck. Her pictures did not disappoint. The camera wasn't a lie. She was ab-so-lutely gorgeous! In fact, I have never laid eyes on such a beautiful woman. She could be a model if she wanted to.

We got better acquainted at the party. I gave subtle hints. I complimented her dress. She's got a very good sense of style. I was totally digging her. About halfway through the night, she finally got more comfortable with me, and showed signs genuine of interest/flirting. She likes to poke people, so we wound up doing that. We also learned some things about each other that we hadn’t known before throughout the course of the night.

At the end of the night, she needed a ride back, but my other friend who I feel indebted to for life for reasons I’m not going to get into, also needed a ride home, and of course…asked me for a “favor.” I was not happy about this, not one bit. Here I was going to have a chance to be in the car with her alone and because he was present, he killed the mood! I could’ve came back for him, but he doesn’t get along with M’s parents, so I had to remove him from the area in order to prevent E from paying a heavy price for his presence.

So I got to M’s place, and I told her I had a good time and that I was glad we met, and she pretty much said the same thing. We hugged, and I asked her for her number. She gave it to me and asked for mine, so I gave it to her. Then I mentioned that maybe we could hang out after she was done with her show, and she said that would be nice. We then said goodnight and went our separate ways.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-07 22:26 ID:FRgRyY5l

A few days later, I called her because I knew I wouldn’t reach her all week. We didn’t talk for long. I would only call her on weekends while she was working on her show. Of the times we talked, only once did it last longer than 15 minutes. It’s almost like she had our calls set to a timer. There was a time once or twice where I may have said something that could’ve been misinterpreted. For instance, once we were talking about activities we did in high school and she told me she wanted to try out for a traditionally male sport, so I called her a tough girl and when asked about where I fit in, I said something along the lines of I always knew my place or my limits or something along those lines. Which is not what I meant. What she said told me she’s a strong woman, and I like a strong woman. I don’t want one that’s going to put up with any bullshit. I decided not to blow this out of proportion, so I haven’t brought it up, but I’ve been waiting for an opening to casually refute what I had said, just so I don’t look like some male chauvinist, cause I’m really not. I just get tongue-tied with her. She’s rather quiet on the phone. She doesn’t really ask me anything except for like in return. It’s almost like holding an interview instead of a conversation.

The day of the show was approaching, but I had never actually gotten out of her when the date was, so I did some research and found out myself. Because she had talked about it so much, I thought it would be OK if I went and supported her. I called her to let her know I was coming, so she wouldn’t freak out. I got her a flower. She was involved with the crew, so I don’t think she was expecting anything. She had a very positive reaction to this. She said it was very sweet and gave me a big, long hug. She was dressed up. I told her she looked very pretty. She was surprised to see me. Apparently, she didn’t get the message I left her. She says her voicemail’s acting up, so she’s not getting any. When I said maybe I should’ve sent one over Facebook, she said she probably wouldn’t have gotten that either. We didn’t do anything after the show. She was involved with another show coming up soon, that she had mentioned earlier, and I asked her about it and asked her if she wanted me to come, and she said she’d like that. This night was a major boost to my confidence with her.

I went to see the next show, and the night I went, a few of her friends came to see her too. During intermission, one of her friends gave me a grilling about whether I liked M or not. We danced around this question for the entire intermission before I said, “I don’t know,” and she was satisfied with that answer. She claims M didn’t put her up to it, but I don’t know. After the show, I presented her with another flower, and she said I’m too cute. We all went to a diner afterwards. Her birthday was the next day, so I had decided to get her a card, since she had reacted so well to the flowers. I made sure it was a non-threatening kind and just simply wrote “happy birthday” inside and signed it. This did not go so well though. She said I just “appeared” when I gave it to her and that was creepy. Whether she was joking or not, I don’t know, but she can be quite sarcastic and has a bit of sass to her personality. She didn’t have anything to say about the card though and didn’t open the it in front of me, but she seemed fine the rest of the night. She said I was quiet, but that’s because her and her friends were talking about stuff I couldn’t contribute to: their high school experiences, but I got further indication that she’s a strong person.

She had mentioned that night how someone offered her a good job already. I am currently going through the quarter-life crisis. I’m a college graduate and can’t get a job that pays that puts my degree to use. It’s very frustrating and depressing to see someone much younger than me doing better. This kind of soured my mood the rest of the night, but I made sure to not show it, I hope

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-07 22:33 ID:FRgRyY5l

At the end of the night, we all wished her a happy birthday. I found out her friend, the one that questioned me, approves of me, which is good. I also found out M thought I was from the same town as E, which was about 15 – 20 minutes away, pretty close. I corrected this and told her I lived an hour away. She seemed a little put off by this, and at that moment, I think she realized that I like her. We hugged and left. That was about 3 weeks ago.

About two weeks after I last saw her, I decided to fess up to M’s friend that I did indeed like her, because I thought she might’ve said something to her, but I expressed that I’d prefer to tell her myself. Hell, I thought M put her up to asking me, but she denies this, and the response I got from her seems genuine that she wasn’t put up to it by M. She expressed skepticism that I would tell M myself how I feel about her.

I have not seen or spoken to M since. I have developed a very close relationship with her voicemail. She’s not good at picking up the phone in general. I would periodically call and leave a message. After about a week, E advised me to cease contact, so I did, and I went away, approximately two weeks passed. I asked E if it would be OK if I called, and she said it would. When I came back, I called M but she didn’t answer, so I left a message. That was last night. E has now advised me to cease all contact with her “for now,” and by “for now” she means an indefinite period of time, to wait for her to contact me now.

As you can see, we have talked on occasion and seen each other, just not spent any time alone yet, which I really would like to, and I have said to her I’d like to hang out sometime. Only one time has she actually called me. I also received confirmation in a later message from M’s friend that M is indeed terrible at picking up the phone and that I would have difficulty contacting her, so maybe I still have a chance yet? She also asked me not to ask M about her questioning, so it sounds like she asked me about M on her own accord. Did I blow it by calling too much? I never called the following day. I would always give a day or 2 or more in between, so as not to come off needy. I’m thinking about going back to Facebook for correspondence now the next time I do contact her, which won’t be for a long time. The only rational explanation I can think of for her silence is that she’s busy with school. She just started a week ago.

Does anyone have any helpful advice for me? She has an amazing personality and to top it off, she’s beautiful! I don’t want to lose her before I even win her over. It’s very different from all the other times. I can’t put my finger on it, but I can feel it. You’re lucky if you meet someone like this even once in your life.

The flowers I got her each time were not roses. I made sure to stay away from roses, because they make a statement.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-07 22:36 ID:FRgRyY5l

Oh, I also plan on asking her out the next time we see each other, or maybe the next time I talk to her, haven't decided yet, but I know for sure that I have to make my move soon.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 02:18 ID:RCuMbvQw

uh, no one gives a shit. can you give us a 3 sentence version.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 03:23 ID:FRgRyY5l

No, because then people just ask questions asking to be more specific, so I figured I'd do it this way instead. If I give a generic explanation, I'll get generic answers. A more detailed story should receive better and more relevant answers.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 13:43 ID:FRgRyY5l

Alright, here's a shortened version for those of you too lazy to read.

I have absolutely no confidence with women. I have zero experience with women; I'm 26, a virgin, never been in a relationship, never truly been on a date, never kissed a woman in a romantic fashion, but I've been hurt by women a whole bunch of times. This has ended up with me feeling unattractive and inadequate to pretty much all women.

My friend met this girl she thought I'd like. She showed me pics; I was interested. We were supposed to meet, but that never happened.

A few months later, I decided to take matters into my own hands and messaged her on Facebook, she responded, and we exchanged about 20 messages between us. She seems a bit shy, but she's got a wonderful personality from what I can tell. We seem to mesh well together. It seemed like we'd never meet up, and then my friend invited her to a party, so we finally met up and she's beautiful! Everything went well that night. At the end I got her number, and asked if she'd like to do something and she said yes. She is 19, so she might be a little bit immature.

I called a few days later. She is very busy with her interests, so I only called on the weekends. Only once have we talked for more than 15 minutes, only once has she called me, and we've only talked on the phone a handful of times.

I went to see this show she worked on and brought a flower. She liked that a lot. I called her to make sure she knew I was coming, but she never got my message, says her voicemail's screwy. She had told me about another show and I went to that and also brought a flower, which she liked. I also got her a birthday card, cause her birthday was the following day, and she took the flowers so well, but I guess the way I brought it up was kind of creepy, but she's got a sarcastic streak, so I don't know if she was serious or not. I have a tendency to sneak up on people without knowing it. She also thought I was from a nearby town, which I'm not; I drove an hour, so I think she realized then I like her, or that really creeped her out. I also met her friend, who asked me if I liked her, but she said she wasn't put up to it. I avoided the question until I finally said, "I don't know." Her friend approves of me though.

The first week after last seeing her, I called her quite a few times and left a voicemail every time, but never two days in a row. My friend then advised me to lay off, so I did for about two weeks, then I tried again, no answer, left a message.

I thought maybe her friend said something, so I sent a message to the friend, telling her how I felt, but she responded and said she wouldn't tell her and asked I not bring it up to her, so sounds like she was telling the truth.

Now my friend has told me to cut off all communication indefinitely and wait for her to respond.

I'm concerned I might've screwed this up. I know I have to make my move soon, but I can't do that if I can't see her or at the least, get in touch with her. What do I do? I'm worried she wrote me off already. Have I screwed this up? Am I doing OK?

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 14:31 ID:q1Jz8y6p

yeah, you screwed up... sorry for telling it like that, but driving one hour every time to see her with flowers and stuff... from my point of view, you took it all too seriously, lost your head and scared her... it's nothing uncommon I would say, happened to me too when I met awesome girl never having gf before... I don't really have any great solutions, you should do as your friend says and stop messaging/calling her, there's no point, if she's not responding... of course, she can have her own reasons, there are countless possibilities but that changes nothing on a fact that you should stop thinking about her so much and take it easy... if she calls you, good, if not, well, time to move on... I'm sorry for that:(

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 15:03 ID:Rh1sFYz4

you screwed it up.. better luck next time

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 15:07 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>9
I'm not offended don't be afraid to be frank, just back it up with an explanation. Also, please let me know if you're a male or female responding.

Are you basing this on the short version or long version? I only got flowers because of the occasion. They were not meant in a romantic connotation. It was the equivalent of saying "congratulations" or "good job." It's what you do for theatre. Never have I brought a girl flowers in a romantic sense, because I know that's too heavy-handed.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 15:11 ID:FRgRyY5l

It was also a single flower and not a rose.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 16:54 ID:q1Jz8y6p

>>11
9 here, I'm male... my writing was based on short version and I found it explenatory enough... with zero experience with romantic relationships and meeting someone amazing it's hard to keep someone's head calm... and flowers alone might not seem that romantic at that occasion, but combined with travelling for an hour, texting when she didn't respond and the way you wrote about it I would say that you're in love too much, but correct me if I'm wrong... and not sure if it's true, but I think that woman have some kind of sixth sense for that

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-08 17:48 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>13
I was under the impression she knew I didn't live near her. I didn't find that out till the last time I saw her though that she didn't.

I didn't text. I hate texting. I can't stand it. I made phone calls. You know, where you speak into the phone?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-13 15:42 ID:Thq72Lpz

Female here.

Yeah..you screwed up somewhere between the meeting up with her at the show, and her finding out you drove an hour for her.
If she's sarcastic, she's probably a bit cynical, and not really the romantic type. Instead of seeing your one hour trip for her as a charming act, she found it creepy and perhaps a little bit desperate? It certainly didn't help that you left her numerous voicemails despite getting no reply. Finally the fact that the friend actively intervened and told you to back off was the last nail on the coffin.

I think you started off well with the flower (not rose), but quickly came undone. You can't show that much commitment to a girl when you first meet her (driving one hour for her). It would creep any girl out. Even if you feel compelled to, it has to look casual, spontaneous, and effortless to her.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-15 09:25 ID:ucEfrYo0

Your problem was not driving 1 hour, but being inconsistent in your actions. If you like her that much, you have to wow her with large bouquets of flowers, not 1 flower. It's retarded and makes you seem like a dumb man who's not sure of himself.
Sometimes women like to receive attention (always), and being assertive does not make you desperate. Being shy (one flower) and desperate (1hour driving) does make you creepy though.

If you want to pursue this further, go nuts and do something crazy for her. No reserves. A real man is not scared of failure, but scared that his real feelings will not clearly and correctly communicate through.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-18 16:05 ID:FRgRyY5l

I wish I could get something consistent here.

>>15
So you think her friend "intervened" and was telling me to back off? That's not the impression I got. She even added me. Although, I expressed hesitation at first, because that might've be crossing that "stalker" line.

Yes, I agree, the calling was a bit much. I had my friend guiding me through this, and when she wasn't around, I lost it. I could no longer think of a reason why I couldn't get in touch with her, so I just acted like she'd never get those messages.

It was spontaneous. It's not my fault I live that far away. It's not like I drove over a state or two. I'm not desperate. She talked about her work a lot, so I just wanted to support it. What's wrong with that? And if she did like that I came, she shouldn't have told me she'd like it if I came to the second one.

>>16
In my experience attempting to "wow" someone like you said with a bouquet of flowers or something big sends them running as well. I got one flower, because I knew she wouldn't feel threatened by that. A creep would've overdid it with a bouquet.

A real man isn't scared of failure because they're not in their mid 20s with no dating experience.

Well, since I can't get in contact with her, I'm going to send her a message telling her that I like her, unless someone as a better idea. I'd rather not do it this way, but I'm out of options.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-18 20:50 ID:Heaven

> unless someone as a better idea.

Yeah, give up.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-18 21:12 ID:eJ7RXTYO

I honestly don't know what to make of the situation, OP. Maybe it's just me, but I get the feeling that M is just as confused as you are. She seems to act very... inconsistent?

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-18 21:50 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>19
Well, at least you're honest. Do you think I have been inconsistent? Should I just tell her I like her?

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-18 23:15 ID:eJ7RXTYO

>>20

Oh, OP, sorry, I wasn't clear. Your story made perfect sense, it's M that seems inconsistent.

As far as telling her you like her, I'm not sure that would be so good. Personally, I would take it slow, and maybe ask her out on a few dates to get some one-on-one time with her first. After all, you two only know each other in a group environment, unless I'm mistaken.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-18 23:24 ID:Heaven

19&21 here, I forgot something.

I agree with OP on the flower situation. A single flower shows that he was thoughtful enough to pick something up for her, without going over the top. A bouquet just comes off a little strong, in my opinion.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-19 00:09 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>21
No, you're right, we've only been together in a group setting. I would like to spend time with her alone, but if I can't get in contact with her and now contacting her risks blowing relations with her, how am I supposed to setup an outing with just the two of us? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, you see?

I really don't want to involve my friend, E in arranging an event. I've driven her nuts over this whole situation, and I don't even know if she'd go through with helping me any further. If I have no other viable options, I suppose I will have to though.

Thanks for your feedback so far. By the way, are you male or female?

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-19 05:56 ID:eJ7RXTYO

>>23

Of course, that's why we're here.

And I'm male.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-19 15:21 ID:FRgRyY5l

I'm writing a message to her friend asking how long she isolates herself, and if she's said anything about me. As high school as this is, I'm running out of options. Maybe this will give me a better idea as to what to do next, because if I contact her, I have a strong feeling she will run, if she hasn't already. I have no idea of events that take place at school, except for big ones, so I don't know how I could just "happen" to be in the same place as her, know she's going to be there for sure, and I feel that's crossing into stalker territory, since she hasn't spoken to me in a long time.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-19 21:45 ID:eJ7RXTYO

>>25

Is E a very good friend with M? Unless I'm mistaken, they only met because of the play or whatever, so I don't imagine they'd be too close yet. If that's the case, her mentioning you may be as strange as you contacting her yourself.

It's only speculation, though.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-19 22:09 ID:FRgRyY5l

No, I'm not referring to E. I guess I should give her a name or letter. I meant M's friend. We'll call her J for future references.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-19 23:08 ID:FRgRyY5l

By the way, J has known M for a very long time, since grade school.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-20 00:57 ID:eJ7RXTYO

Oh! Well that clears things up a bit. So is J the one that asked you if you were interested M?

I suppose that would be much more comfortable, then.

Sadly, I don't really think I have any real advice to give right now...

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-20 01:09 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>29
Correct, J is the one that asked me if I like M. It may be some time before I hear anything from J, but I'm not counting on a response at all. In that case, I suppose I will have to send M a message and hope she's not completely scared of and/or repulsed by me by now.

I really want this to work out. I know good things can come of this.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-20 05:44 ID:FRgRyY5l

I can't do this anymore. She posted a status, and it's vague, but it's possible it could be referring to me. I'm going crazy here. I wrote a message a few days ago telling her I like her and apologizing if I scared her, and saying that I hope we could still hang out and expressing concern for her well-being. I also admitted that I overthink things sometimes and that she's doing things right career-wise.

I just want to send that message I wrote. I'm going stir fry crazy right now.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-20 06:39 ID:FRgRyY5l

I forgot to mention this and it might be important, but she likes to post videos of herself singing, such a beautiful voice she has. Anyway, ever since we met, she's posted nothing but videos of her singing sad, sappy love songs, sometimes downright emo. If I didn't know any better, she's hung up on some other guy, but it's possible she could be directing them at me. Am I crazy for thinking this. She has also posted statuses now and then that could be construed this way.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-20 21:41 ID:zjQxhGFe

>>32

I do think that there is a good chance those videos and status updates could be about you, but I wouldn't jump to any conclusions.

If you want to go far enough back on her page, look at when the statuses that may be directed towards you started. If they began before you met her, then there isn't a reason to be concerned with it.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-21 04:03 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>33, male or female?

I went back to the first singing video before we met, and it's quite upbeat compared to the others. She seems like she's just having fun with it, while the others, which are after we met, seem like some kind of catharsis/lamentation. Status updates aren't often, and yeah, they start looking directed towards someone in particular after we met. She also recently posted a poem that could be pointed at me, but this is all speculation, I can't know for sure. Makes me think I should write a message though just to see how she's doing. It's possible it could be someone from her past.

I feel like I should take some kind of action, that this could be the tipping point in either direction.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-21 21:17 ID:zjQxhGFe

>>34

Haha, I'm male, this is >>26 and >>29 and the guy that's been in here for a while. I'm not sure why, but my ID changed.

If she's been online recently, I'd say it's reasonable to send her a message. Actually, I'd say the best course of action you could take would be to send her a message. I'd suggest being casual, though; just make conversation.

Either way, you're not making contact with her now, so there's really nowhere to go but up.

Good luck, OP. I hope I've at least helped a little so far.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-22 01:17 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>35
Your IP was probably renewed or you're posing as the other guy and taking advantage of my trust.

OK, I sent a message asking how she's doing, saying I was giving her space. I expressed a little concern and I told her I think she's strong and she'll get through whatever it is she's facing. I also told her she could talk to me if she needs to talk and that I like talking to her.

I'm aware of the friend zone risk offering to listen places me in, but she seems to be going through some tough times right now, whatever it is.

If you are >>35, I don't know what other posts you made other than >>26 and >>29, but >>19 and >>33 had good insight, >>21 reinforced I wasn't being inconsistent >>22 reassured the flower was a good move, though I was pretty confident about that one, it's still nice.

Some of the advice given was stuff I already knew, like getting to know her better and taking this slow by >>20. I had planned on taking this slow from the start, but things haven't been moving even a little bit for a while now, which is why I've lost all my confidence with her and am so insecure. When things were going well, I was much more confident in my decisions.

To all those that have posted constructive criticism or advice, thank you. It's not over yet though. Let's see if I get a response. It may take at least a week though.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-22 01:30 ID:zjQxhGFe

Yes, those were all my posts, and now I know that my ID has changed more than once. I suppose I could set up a trip code, but that wouldn't serve much more of a purpose than to prove that I'm not lying to you in the future.

I saw your post in the Oracle thread, and I've been posting here since then.

As for the situation, I think that you sent an understandable message, but there's not really much that can be said until M sends a reply, or there has been enough time to determine that M may not reply. Either way, I hope things work out and I'll be checking back pretty soon, I imagine.

38 Name: 15 : 2009-09-23 16:24 ID:Thq72Lpz

My bad. I realised I'd misread your friend as being her friend, telling you to lay off.

If a guy I hardly knew drove an hour for me, I'd be a little put off. I'd much prefer the "I was the in the area and decided to drop by" line. It's just a little too much commitment for not even the start of a relationship if you know what I mean. But I dunno, I can't speak for all girls.

That aside, I agree with other posters that she's being inconsistent with her actions. It's pretty fickle of her to encourage you at one moment, and then suddenly cut off all contact with no explanation. She could be dealing with personal issues, but that wouldn't explain why her friend couldn't just tell you that she's going through a tough time. It sounds like her friend knows something, but it's not her place to say. The most probable explanation to me is that she really is that fickle at 19, and just lost interest. Sorry to sound harsh, but if she liked you enough, she would have at least replied by now?

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-23 18:55 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>38
I don't think lying about being "in the area" would've been a very good idea. Besides, the first time she didn't know I was coming from far away, but I didn't know this.

I think M is going through some personal stuff right now, but I don't think it's good to shut everyone out for so long.

If there's one thing I've learned from anyone I've talked to about this, it's that girls can only speak for themselves. You're all different regarding what's too much/too little, offensive, etc.

I got a response from J. In response to one remark where I guess I implied M was playing mind games, she seemed to get a little defensive, but it's all text, so who knows?

She said not to misunderstand M. She doesn't play mind games, and that she's not mean. I wrote a response to J, apologizing if I offended her, and attempted to normalize relations by initiating a normal conversation. I also told her I sent a message to M, because I'm concerned for her well-being.

So looks like overthinking got me in trouble. I should've listened to my friend, stupid me. Hopefully this hasn't put me on J's bad side.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-09-28 22:44 ID:FRgRyY5l

There was an event over the weekend at the school, that I went to with E. She suggested I call M and tell her about it, which I did, but of course, no answer, so I left a message.

E called her herself when we got there, but she didn't answer. While we were getting something to eat, E ran into M and told her to say hi, so we got to see each other. I only got to see her for five minutes, cause she was on her way somewhere but it was worth it. I asked her how she's doing, showing a little concern, and she said she was doing OK. She kind of mocked me when I told her how I was doing, but it seemed to be in an affectionate manner. I was also a total klutz. I spilled my drink when I got up to hug her, and I acted like it was hers when it happened. She said I'm a little OCD, cause I was cleaning up the spill, which I denied initially before admitting I can be a little. I must've came off very nervous cause of that. I brought up how I haven't been able to get in contact with her. She did admit to hiding. She says she has a lot of messages in her inbox. I think for now on, I will write on her wall if I have something important to say that's time sensitive. She was dressed kind of funny, but I attribute this to her sense of fashion and style. She dyed and cut her hair, but it completely slipped my mind to say something about it. She said to let her know when I was around again.

E told me M's in another show. I will have to find out when this is, so I can go see her work. She didn't bring it up to me though. Maybe she forgot?

I feel a little better now that I know what's going on and I saw her, but I am such an idiot! I should've waited a little longer and never contacted her friend. I hope I haven't blown this now. Damn my insecurities. I need to learn to trust others.

All our hugs were longer than when you hug a friend, so that's a good sign. She is just so adorable.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-02 01:39 ID:FRgRyY5l

I received a response from M. She admitted to being distant. She says it's cause of school and she got involved in some drama. She thanked me for offering support and said it was sweet of me. She said it was good to see me.

I sent a response today, complimenting her hair cause I forgot to in person. I also told her not to let the drama take over her life and asked what she does to unwind, as well as how many credits she's taking.

I also explained spilling the drink was no big deal, mostly cause she was there but also cause it wasn't something I was particularly fond of. She updated her pic and added another color to her hair, so I complimented this. There is a costume ball coming up this month, so I mentioned I might be around again soon cause of it. I'm not sure if I'm going yet, but if she expressed interest in her response, I will ask her if she'd like to go with me.

I ended saying I hope we'll see each other again soon.

Wish me luck.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-10 16:04 ID:FRgRyY5l

I wrote on M's wall, asking if she was in any shows and to let me know so I can come see her perform, because I'd figure she'd notice a wall post sooner than a message. She hasn't gotten back to me yet, but it's only been about a week. If I don't get a response, soon though, I will attempt reaching her by phone. E told me the dates of the show. It's this weekend and next weekend, but I'd rather M told me she's in it herself, when the dates are, and that she'd like to see me, unless this is what she intended, for E to tell me or for me to find out myself. It's not a big deal as long as she's just as happy to see me as I will be to see her. And I'm bringing a flower, of course. I haven't decided when I'm going to see it though. I think once is enough, so probably the second week, closing night if I can manage it.

I have been tempted to call her a few times but I've resisted. Mostly cause she probably won't answer anyway.

I felt like I should step up the Facebook wall/pic/video comments. I've been holding back on these for fear of overwhelming her. I let one out every once in a while. I have to make sure I look interested, because as you all know, I am VERY INTERESTED. So I asked E how she felt about this. She said it was OK as long as I didn't spam her, so I left a one on her then most recent status, saying it was adorable. She responded back with a smiley.

But just last night, she posted a note about love, particularly her apprehensions about it. She's scared of sharing secrets with someone she deeply cares about. And when she does click with someone, she becomes totally numb, and she doesn't like that. I too am deathly afraid of sharing deep secrets with someone I truly care about. I'm afraid of being judged by them, so I sort of understand where she's coming from with that. However, I've never "clicked" with anyone. They don't give me a chance to. I'm not gorgeous like she is.

Whether this is about me or someone else, or just no one in particular, I'm pretty certain there is someone else in the picture, and I won't be one-upped this time. Should I say something about what she wrote?

I'm really in it deep this time.

I just commented on her most recent status, saying it was kawaii. She watches anime. It's safe to use, I think.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-11 01:56 ID:Thq72Lpz

> I felt like I should step up the Facebook wall/pic/video comments.

It's clear that you're at desperation point with this girl. She seems to be consuming your mind. I think it's cruel of her not to straight up say whether she likes you or not, and instead posting vague love blabble that seems to be about someone else.

What you need to do is to see this from the outside, or from someone else's perspective. The constant way she dismisses/ignores your attempts to connect with her should tell you something. I mean, the first couple of times she's ignored you, we might be able to turn a blind eye to, but there's a limit to the ratio of; ignoring/dismissing someone:being interested in them.

44 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-13 21:05 ID:FRgRyY5l

I am NOT at a desperation point. If I was, I would've done something stupid by now and blown it. Well, I think her post pretty much explains her behavior. I'm not saying this makes it OK, but at least there's a reason now.

I agree, there is a limit. But if I don't see her, nothing happens. This needs to change, and soon. There's also the possibility that I haven't made it clear enough that I'm interested with her, but this is becoming harder and harder to believe as time passes on. Pretty much the only thing I haven't done is flat out told her, and maybe that's what I need to do, but I didn't want to do this without spending a little time with her first alone.

I consulted with E what to do about M's post. She could identify with it and told me to do what I felt was right, so I left a comment, that said even though I can't understand what she's going through, because I'm not her, I've been there and have an idea what it's like. I also said to find someone to talk to and that I would listen if she would like to talk to me and closed by saying she'd be getting a bigger, longer hug from me next time we see each other.

Even though I put myself out there a little bit by saying I've been through some similar things, this unfortunately probably leaves me open to friendzonage. If I was going to leave myself totally open for assault, it would be in private. I'm not comfortable with showing my vulnerabilities. I have been taken advantage of by doing so nearly every time. I probably should've said something like love involves risk and no one is ever truly ready, no matter how they feel, but it's too late to say this now. It'll look weird if I post another comment on that note. This is unfortunately the best way to contact her and assures the best chance she'll receive my message promptly. If I send a personal message, it'll sit in her inbox till she finally gets around to reading it, and by then it might be too late. Timing is everything in these things. She's been posting lots of updates recently, as well as a video and some pics, but I have resisted the urge to comment. As I don't want to be saying something about everything she posts. That could come off stalker-like. One of her recent statuses involved being annoyed with people saying certain things over and over again, running them into the ground. This might refer to the comments on her note, but I can't be sure.

The show has been posted as an event, but I've received no invite from her yet. If I don't by next week, I'll be contacting her. I should've just asked her if she wanted to go the Halloween Ball instead of just mentioning it to see if she would express interest. Not like she can go anyway though. I'll bet she hasn't even read the message. It is highly unlikely I will go without an invite. I need to know she wants to see me, so it's not awkward or creepy even when I show up with a flower for her.

What I need to achieve is balance, and I have a problem determining this with women, ESPECIALLY when there's little to no personal FEEDBACK to base anything off of. I pretty much know what's too much, because once you cross that line, you've blown it. But don't really know what's too little. I can't go around interpreting every thing is directed towards me, because I will go absolutely crazy then. If it works out with her, it's all worth it. I understand what I may have to go through, but it's all worth it for her. You meet people like her once in a lifetime, if you're lucky. I'm in this for the long run. I will not be discouraged so easily.

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-16 16:36 ID:Heaven

this is vicariously embarrassing for everyone reading...

46 Name: Subject No. 10 : 2009-10-16 19:23 ID:FRgRyY5l

Why's that?

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-18 02:39 ID:M+dnw3k/

> I am NOT at a desperation point. If I was, I would've done something stupid by now and blown it.

Like I said, you need see this from an outsider's perspective.
When you're that infatuated with a person, its easy to lose your rationality.

I applaud your persistence, I really do, but I think you're in denial about her obvious lack of interest.

For what it's worth, I think there's more mature girls out there who better deserve your affections.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-18 09:31 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>47
Your opinion is noted.

I got an invite from M. One of her friends posted on her wall asking why he didn't get an invite, and she said the invite thing was screwy, so I'm going to see her. I think maybe I should touch her in a way that's clearly not platonic but non-threatening as well. E said she'd show me what's safe. There's a concert going on after Halloween. I'm going to ask her about that too. I bet she'd like the band. I know them real well. I also sent her a text message wishing her luck opening night. I KNOW she'll get a text message.

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-24 06:33 ID:FRgRyY5l

I have the support of E, my friend. We've talked about it in detail. She says I have to be assertive, well, that one's obvious, and straight to the point, no tiptoeing around the subject, casual but not TOO casual. I asked her about touching. I feel like I should do something like this. I have to send a CLEAR signal that I'm very interested in her, but one that won't scare her off. I'm going to see E tomorrow before I go to the school, so she's going to give me a primer on safe, non-creepy touching. From what we both know of M's personality, she needs a little push to do things. E had to practically walk her over to me last time I saw her.

M has been rather active on Facebook. She recently posted a video performance that was her best yet, and it turned me on, of course I left that part out. I have been commenting more on her posts, but not every other one, been keeping myself in check. When the show resumed, I wrote on her wall wishing her luck, and by then I figured out when I was going to see the show, so I mentioned that. I had to change the day though, so I had to make another post. She even commented on one of my statuses, to my surprise. I responded with an explanation, no response from that. I guess she had nothing to say.

This is it, tomorrow I ask her out. I found out my friend's band is playing a show near the school. I think she'll like them. I hope she says yes. I'm absolutely terrified. My friend says I should be. She damn well knows like me you don't meet women like M every day. No pressure, right? I've failed all my life with women, but this time I will prevail!

I'm going alone too. Almost every time I've seen M, my friend has been present. I need to get the point across that E and I are not a couple, because we're not. She might as well be my cousin. That's the kind of relationship we have. I'm also bringing a flower, and it's not a rose. Since it's closing night, I'm not expecting M will be able to do anything afterwards. She probably has a cast party. Also, I've made arrangements to stay with E overnight, and her mom is strict, so even if M DOES want to do something, we won't have a lot of time.

I hope this works out. I'm so nervous...and downright terrified.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-26 21:00 ID:Heaven

how'd it go, romeo?

51 Name: HaloMonkey8 : 2009-11-01 18:42 ID:nFym8xJ2

First of all...i wanna know how it turned out. It's November now...so i'm assuming we'll get the results.

I just wanna comment that I commend u 4 being straight forword now and relying on ur own strength. We all have friends 4 support...but in the end...it's up 2 u. Plus...u have us.

The only thing i will have 2 say is that you hae 2 show her that she can trust u. Girls like 2 make sure the guy is true to himself. Otherwise...she would think he is fake or a creep. Basically...be yourself. Stop constantly msg'ing her (it freaks them out)...and call her when YOU ARE COMFORTABLE; calling constantly is stalkerish.

I have experience myself about this...but this is ur thread 2 rant. Just be u

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-03 16:04 ID:IPCEQldb

You could make a book of your life story.

If she still doesn't get you by now you could try some G-rated flirting. It'll let her know you like her while being funny and not gross.

But that sort of thing might go aginst your style/image. Just somthing to think about.

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-07 01:46 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>50, >>51
Well, I went to see the show last weekend. It was...interesting, the director took it in a completely different direction. Anyway, at first after the show, it seemed like I was the only one that came to see her, which would've been a lot less pressure on me with her, but some other guy showed up a few minutes later. I figured it was a friend of hers. She talked to this guy for a little bit, and then I talked to her and gave her the flowers, single stem, so it still counts as one. She didn't have much of a reaction to them, but later on I noticed that every other actor had the standard red carnation you can buy for someone at the table, attach a message to, and send backstage, so I was pretty convinced I made her feel special. One of her fellow cast members said they were pretty. She hid behind my flower a few times though. There was a time where there was just silence and we were looking at each other, so I smiled (it is very hard for me to show a genuine smile) and she responded by hiding behind the flowers. She did this a few times after the show. M mentioned she didn't think I was coming, so I guess she didn't see the message I left on her wall about coming closing night. I was originally supposed to go the night before.

I had decided before that I should touch her in a non-platonic but non-threatening way. Unfortunately, E didn't have the time to give me a crash course in this, as she was just leaving for dinner when I arrived, so I was on my own. I couldn't think of anyplace to poke her that was non-threatening yet not platonic in our current situation, so I poked M in the shoulder. She responded with a swift kick to the air aside from me. I think this was in jest though, as we continued to talk afterwards. Still, I remarked that wasn't the response I was expecting.

I confirmed with her that she'd have some free time now that the show was done with. She mentioned not being home in a long time. Then I brought up the concert. She asked for more information, so I gave her more info about the band and event. Then she said she'd have to see if she was going home that weekend. I told her I'd send her an invite on Facebook. I goofed and told her the wrong town but corrected this in my invite.

The director came out and the cast flocked around him, so while this happened, I talked to the other guy. I found out he hasn't known her very long, just through a friend, same as me. Competition? That's the last thing I need, given the physical distance between me and her.

M had a cast party, so nothing was going to happen afterwards. I told her to be safe and before I left, said she looked adorable in her dress. I get kind of tongue-tied around her and completely forget to say things I wanted to. She told me to shutup, but in that "you're embarrassing me" sort of way.

Apparently, invites have a character limit, so I had to post the rest on her wall, and it was probably longer than it should've been. I told her this is one of the few all ages shows they play and to check out their music, cause there's no point in going if you don't like the band. I also told her I'd like to spend time with her and get to know her better, things I should've said when I asked her in the first place, as well as asked how the cast party went.

I received no response, so midway through the week, I wrote on her wall again, asking if she figured out if she could go. Still no response, so last night, after some discussion with E, I decided to call her. Of course she didn't answer, and I didn't bother leaving a message. I considered calling her again tonight or tomorrow, but I don't want to annoy her. I'm beginning to feel like I need a personal messenger to correspond with her. Nothing it seems is effective in reaching her other than face-to-face meetings. I'm also thinking she doesn't have a clue I'm into her. I asked E about calling her again, she has no idea. I'm completely lost. What the hell do I have to do to get to this girl?

I am not giving up though.

54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-07 01:52 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>51

>Stop constantly msg'ing her (it freaks them out)...and call her when YOU ARE COMFORTABLE; calling constantly is stalkerish.

I haven't been calling constantly, except that one incident, nor have I been messaging constantly. I pick and choose my occasions to message carefully. You sir or madam, probably haven't read the whole thread.

>>52

>You could make a book of your life story.

I have, it's called a journal, but I haven't written in it on a regular basis for years now. And if you're basing that on just this story, then you haven't even entered the atmosphere.

>If she still doesn't get you by now you could try some G-rated flirting. It'll let her know you like her while being funny and not gross.
>But that sort of thing might go aginst your style/image. Just somthing to think about.

Flirting will come naturally if I could just spend some damn time with her...alone. I don't think I'm bad with flirting, but I'm terrible with getting anywhere past that or up to that point. I would say there was some substantial flirting going on the night we met. I guess some of the stuff I've said to her could count as G-rated flirting. But I always compliment her look. She always looks great, even at the worst I've seen her.

Sorry it took me so long to make this post, but I was waiting to see what the outcome of this would be, and unfortunately for me, we're still stuck in the same spot.

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-07 15:52 ID:Heaven

>>54

I'd have to say that although I feel you're looking at this from an all too rosy perspective, I admire your determination.

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-12 14:12 ID:FRgRyY5l

>>51

>I just wanna comment that I commend u 4 being straight forword now and relying on ur own strength. We all have friends 4 support...but in the end...it's up 2 u. Plus...u have us.

Thank you, but I am not strong. If I was strong, things would be going well with her.

>The only thing i will have 2 say is that you hae 2 show her that she can trust u. Girls like 2 make sure the guy is true to himself. Otherwise...she would think he is fake or a creep. Basically...be yourself. Stop constantly msg'ing her (it freaks them out)...and call her when YOU ARE COMFORTABLE; calling constantly is stalkerish.

Perhaps the only reason I've been comfortable with calling her is cause I'm almost certain she won't answer, which means my social and romantic mettle won't be tested, especially since I only leave messages now when it's something time sensitive. Of course, this is just about the only reason I call her now.

E has told me to lay off for a while. I interpreted this incorrectly and read it as "give up," so we got into a fight. I have a problem with seeing things in extremes. There is very little gray area with me. When I was in therapy, we were working on that, but I've completely regressed since returning to the house. Now I don't feel like I deserve my friend. She cares too much about me and winds up getting hurt cause of the way I think of myself: scum of the earth that doesn't deserve love nor happiness nor a home.

>>55
I probably am, but it beats the other outlook, now doesn't it? She's not your average girl, so that kind of throws a lot of the stuff I've learned the hard way about attracting women out the window. If she was, I probably would've given up by now, cause I wouldn't be so damn interested. She seems to be the type where you just have to keep hammering away because of how she's unresponsive to outsiders. I am however, holding off on flat out telling her that I like her until we spend some time together, but I'm reconsidering this, since that plan has gone nowhere.

E and I have made up, but I don't dare talk to her about M though. I saw someone posted on M's Facebook, asking about something she did SATURDAY. That was the day of the concert, so there is a strong chance she lied to me. Although part of me wants to think she just forgot, I know the odds are slim to nil.

I'm constantly thinking of ways I could've screwed this up already. I struggle to keep my thoughts in check. It seems the only way to get close to her is to have some kind of shared trauma, ie. been in a show together or something similar.

Should I see another show she's in, I won't be bringing a flower. She obviously didn't appreciate it last time, so she doesn't deserve one. It will take some HEFTY CONVINCING for me to change my mind.

I feel maybe I should stop going to E for advice, as she is a woman, and over the years, I've learned a woman only knows what SHE HERSELF WANTS, not others. The problem is, I don't have a man to consult and her ex is hardly a man, just someone that was in the right place at the right time. In fact, there have been times where I have accused HIM of being unmanly. For instance, he thinks my fascination with this girl is "cute" and "adorable."

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