First of all, I'm a girl.
So, my story (in which I need your guidance) is basically this:
There's this girl from my college band, well, we never got along very well. I mean, from the start, she got along with me, treating me as if I was her friend, with all the confidence and openess. And this was the main problem, because I'm more of a..let's say, I take my time getting used to people, and she didn't understand that and treated me in a way I didn't accept right away, and that created a negative tension. I get embarassed very easily with Public Display of Affection, unless it's a hug with a very close friend of mine, that kind of stuff.
Moving on with the information, a few months ago an event happened that made our relationship change forever. I was hanging out with her and another girl from the college band (not a frequent situation. it just happened randomly) and I said a lousy thing. It's a long story and I won't get into details, but the main thing is that I was slightly rude - but didn't mean it. I tend to be sarcastic a lot, but not to be mean, it's just my social mechanism. My friends get it and accept it, some others don't.
Ok, so the second it came out of my mouth I regretted it, because her reaction was not normal. Well not normal for a non-friend, if you see what I mean. She totally got hurt by my comment. Some of my friends just let it pass, because they know I'm not serious. But this was a different case, since she thought I meant it (and the comment itself didn't look like a joke, I admit it now). either way, I tried to ammend things right away, saying "Hey c'mmon you know I was joking" but nevertheless she just went away looking really pissed/hurt.
The next few weeks I slowly tried to solve the situation, and succeded. We then entered a stage of normal friendship, I'd say, although we're totally diferent from each other.
Now comes the real issue, as in, my question - if there's a possibility she likes me or not - more than a friend, that is.
We were trying to study on a room, by ourselves (another rare thing, again, it was random) and eventually gave up. I ended up just browsing on the internet for some music, and she was doing nothing. Eventually though, I noticed she was staring at me rather deeply, saying nothing. So I asked a couple times "What? What is it?" but she didn't reply and left the matter unanswered, pretending (?) she was just thinking about something.
Which was weird, and made me ponder about the fact that, when she's with her friends, or we're with the rest of the band, she's all cheery and happy and all social like. And we have some fun. But when we're alone, she gets more silent and tension is on the air. I mean, we talk, but then well, it's hard to explain really.
I can't read her thoughts, but wondering if you guys could give me your perspective about this all, and help me out.
What do you think?
Because the point is, when we started to get along we had fun and all, because I got used to her behaviour, and she got used to mine, but eventually something changed about her way of being alone with me.
She may just be more social with a group than with an individual. Personally, I'm much more outgoing when I'm with a group of friends, instead of being with just one friend.
The only exception is when they're a really close friend, and from what I read, you two aren't really that close.
I'd say it's possible that she's interested in you, but it's not anything too obvious. Give it some time, but I wouldn't ask her about it; that could make things even more tense.
I think the real question here is to know the following:
What would you do if she's attracted to you? Would you get along, or reject her? And if she's not, would you try to seduce her, or happy to simply remain her friend?
Once you answer those, we may perhaps be able to advise you more sensibly.
>Give it some time, but I wouldn't ask her about it; that could make things even more tense.
Yes, I never really intended to approach her directly about her.
>What would you do if she's attracted to you? Would you get along, or reject her? And if she's not, would you try to seduce her, or happy to simply remain her friend?
The thing here is that I need to know so that my behaviour towards her is correct, but the thing is, even though I am interested in her, I don't know how things would work out. But I'd be willing to form a relationship with her that surpasses friendship.
If she's not, I'd never try to seduce her. First because I'd terribly fail at that, because I'm not exactly the seductive type of girl. I'd be happy just to be friends if she wasn't interested, I don't like to force things. Id prefer for it to happen naturaly.
Tell her your intentions of getting closer, without being too explicit.
I don't think she's really into you any more. Maybe she realized that she didn't like your sarcastic tones? It may be possible, I'd just let it last a bit, and see what happens. Good luck, and go band!
Oh wow you sound like me.
I suspect, based on my own experience, that her quietness with you is more to do with not knowing where she stands with you.
You said something that came across as hurtful to her and now she is unsure about your behaviour or intentions. Which explains her increased observation of you, monitoring your facial expressions more closely and such? Perhaps try asking her if she thinks you are a hard-to-read kind of person, her answer might inform you well enough.
It could well be that she likes you and her timidity is sort of based on a fear of rejection, being so hurt by an offhand comment is kind of telling too, but in what way she likes you, is really impossible to know.
In my view the onus is on you to act, since you've done something to make her doubt whether you even like her at all. You need to make it clear you like her, whether as friends or more, or in a more ambiguous way. It sounds like she was pretty clear with you, that she was interested in you at least as a friend, so it is your turn to do the same.
Personally, I think you should proceed as openly and honestly as possible, but without assuming too much. Have something of a heart-to-heart, as awkward as that may be for you. Even go ahead and ask her why she is being quiet with you.
What exactly was it you said?
>Id prefer for it to happen naturaly.
then let it happen naturally