[This thread involves pornography as a subject and for that reason may have been place on the sexuality board, but the focus is not porn itself but rather a potential relationship issue that pornography may factor in to.]
I've been friends with a wonderful guy for almost three years now. I developed a crush on him that eventually turned into full blown love for him, but I haven't yet confessed. We have a very close relationship and seem to do everything a dating couple does except that we don't have physically amorous relations. We've never kissed, we've never cuddled, we've never even held hands. About a year ago, however, he hugged me before we parted one evening, and we've hugged every single time we've ever parted after spending time together since then (about twice a week). As the year has gone on, the hugs have seemed to last longer and been tighter. I genuinely believe that he has the same feelings for me as I have for him, but I'm not certain if they're at the same level. I'm also a coward, and that's why I haven't made a move yet.
I've never dated before, either. This is the closest to a romantic relationship I've ever had, and I guess part of the reason I've yet to do anything in the way of confessing is that I'm scared and this is all new to me.
My birthday is in two days (09-28-09) and he offered to take me out to dinner to any place of my choosing to celebrate the occasion. He has also told me he has a gift for me, and I assume we'll go back to one of our places to tend to that. I decided back on his birthday in July that if he hadn't said anything by my birthday in September, I would make the first move because I feel like I'm going to explode if our relationship stays as it is for much longer when I want so much more out of it.
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My own boobs are small. I measure as a 32B. Learning of his preference for the more buxom sort of woman, I feel so inadequate I could cry. I've had insecurity issue regarding my breasts since puberty, and now I feel like my fears have been realized in the worst way. I feel like taking my shirt off in front of him would be like a joke, now knowing that what he desires are jugs more like the size of what sits atop my neck than what I'm sporting on my chest.
My family is visiting from an hour away today (09-26-09) and I'm planning to take them out to dinner at a local pizza place. He and my family have heard about each other through me, but never met or spoken. I invited him to join us tonight, and he accepted. I'm very nervous, but very excited that all of the people that are most dear to me can finally meet each other. I am worried now that when I see him, all I'll be able to think about is the glaring difference I've discovered between his "top models" and myself and there's no way I can discuss it with him; (not only would he know I'd looked through his book, but it would also be way too weird of a conversation to have with him anyway).
I don't know what to do with my head. I feel like I'm having a nightmare and I can't even tell if I'm just freaking out over nothing. I know he's not my "boyfriend" and for that reason I shouldn't even think about expecting him to do anything just to placate me, and I also know that he's free to have his own preferences and that most of that stuff isn't a choice any way; a person can't and shouldn't have to make them self like green beans if what they really want is ice cream.
I don't know what to do to feel more comfortable tonight and every time I see him from now on. Has anyone else been in this situation before or have any experience relating to my position? Do I stand a chance in every looking attractive to him?