Limerence (6)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-17 20:49 ID:WzITy9ly

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

How many of you can relate to this article?

I myself am shocked by its accuracy. One time I allowed myself to become obsessed with a girl for WAY too long time - about two years - without having guts to do anything. I had all the symptoms - constant thinking, endlessly analyzing every detail, fantasies and dreams, games; even failing to accept a direct rejection (I managed to convince myself that she will change her mind). Only after a long, long recovery it became apparent to me how horribly unhealthy it was for my mind. And still the sight of her has some power over me.

But... later, when I met another girl I really started to like, I found myself in the same situation. I managed to... well, screw up things quite badly, but at least did it faster this time.

This is clearly a problem. Why is it that every time I become interested in a girl, it quickly turns into an obsession? I stop thinking straight even before I start to know her well... last time all it took was a short conversation and a look into her eyes, then she slowly started to fill all my thoughts.

This may be a stupid post about "why isn't love more rational", but I think what I experience (and what I convince myself of) is very unhealthy. The fact that I have absolutely no fucking clue how to proceed in such cases probably doesn't help, but anyway it wouldn't hurt to be a little more detached.

Anyone else having the same problem? Anyone succesfully overcoming it?

2 Name: Hikari-chan : 2009-12-18 11:04 ID:2El9eIia

>>1

Well, I guess you should control your fantasies a bit. I ,sometimes, tend to be like that too but, I made sure that fantasies are fantasies. Though, fantasies usually help us to be more courageous in expressing our feelings.

I understand.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-20 23:35 ID:ZpL3P6Zf

Of course, fantasies need to be controlled. Still, it's not as easy to me as just telling myself "this isn't real, stop thinking it is". I don't know how to make myself stop.

I know she is not interested in me and she never will be. Still, sometimes, on some level I manage to convince myself that "it's not impossible that she actually likes me" and start hypothesizing what could happen next... it hurts :/

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-21 21:33 ID:81IxH5yi

i'm afraid i might lapse into this with a girlfriend who is emotionally distant

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-22 13:37 ID:HfEzHqlp

I had a crush that started in high shcool and lasted for 2 years, but continued to have an impact for 4 years (so in total, 6 years). I met some other girls and such, but I couldn't do anything because I wasn't "emotionally available"... actually, this might have spoiled a big part of the social side of my studies.

I am very imaginative, and used to be sort of an idealist. I also have very high standards. So obviously, finding something that matches that point of view in the real world gets really hard.

Then one day I realized how much my imagination was a gift of a powerful tool as much as a curse of heavy chains, I realized how doomed I was to be able to have the ability to have such wonders in my skull that would never echo anywhere in the real world. That day, all these fantasies got broken and didn't work as they did anymore. I had discovered what others before me have called Weltschmertz (there's an article on wikipedia on that concept - basically it means "world-pain", it's the realization that the real world will never match your imagination and/or expectations).

I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I guess it made me a bit more cynic than I was, maybe a little bitter. But at least now I can see more clearly.

6 Name: D : 2009-12-24 18:11 ID:eubgaHJi

Such a terrific topic for my psychoanalysis class... Anyway, I felt like that during high school, but, you know, time pass, you meet new girls, and you go on.

I still care for the girl of high school, but that's because she is my friend, not because I'm still limerecent with her.

Such a terrific topic, indeed.

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