Keep the friendship or Be lovers for uncertain time? (43)

1 Name: Hikari-chan : 2009-12-18 10:54 ID:4l4F0BYo

Will I keep on holding on our friendship even if it is for more than three years now? or will I give each others chance to bloom it into more romantic?

This guy is really popular with girls and all since he got looks and everything. He liked me since then. Even his friends keep asking me if I like him but, contrary to what I feel, I told them: "We're friends.".

We were so close since we were first years till now on our third year. Our school mates, batch mates and even our teachers think of us as lovers. We couldn't deny that our sweetness towards each other just came in naturally.

The only reason why I can't love him more than friendship is that I want to keep the friendship till the end rather than commit into serious relationship without both of knowing will when it last.

Help me. He still likes me. He still cares and all. What should I do?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-19 06:56 ID:qdKr3RjX

This is a choice only you can make.

However, I would go for it: I know I later would've regretted not making a move. I know if I kept holding my feelings in I would've blown up sooner or later.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-19 10:36 ID:Heaven

Well maybe you could talk to him about your worries.

The thing is though friendships don't necessarily last either, especially when one side is pining after the other and wanting more.

To be honest I wouldn't even call it a friendship if you both want more and like each other more than a friends, more like an "unfulfilled relationship"

Who knows? maybe a relationship between you could go the distance better than your friendship could.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-19 17:20 ID:hYAChaIQ

No pain, no gain.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-20 11:05 ID:A7Li1t2n

I think that after all this time, and you guys are still really close, you would mean a lot to him. So if it doesn't work out, you will still most likely be friends.

You're a lucky girl to have a someone like him to care about you. Take the plunge.

6 Name: Secret Friend : 2009-12-23 06:08 ID:pKYhuujC

You probably have the most ideal dilemma possible regarding relationships. Every person in the world would love to be in your position, because very few people have what you have. You only have this life to live, so go full-out. Don't hold back, and be brave. If it's for love, then there's absolutely nothing to lose.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-23 18:44 ID:Heaven

>>3
This is almost exactly word for word what I was about to type.

8 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-06 00:40 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>5

Yeah, we really are close. I just couldn't think of him away from me. Gush. I really did miss him a lot. Most, Christmas vacation we did not meet after the class was over.

9 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-06 00:49 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>6

Hahaizt. But, our closeness is the main reason why I'm holding back. I can't just confess to him.

We actually met yesterday. We're classmates. 3 hours. Sitting together. Laughing. I really miss him.

But, the fact is that he knows that there is this guy who is really very interested in me. Gush. It's quite going to be 3 months now since that Guy confess to me. And he knew that. I tried to get rid of that guy but, the guy just won't go. I asked help from HIM and he do so. He always update me. Yesterday, he asked again. I told HIM that the guy just won't go easily and did not give up on me. I used everything that he told me to get rid of that guy but, in vain.

Hahaizt. He was really bothered yesterday. I could see it.

I even asked him: "What is it on me that "the guy" won't go? I have nothing to boast of."

He said: "If there is this physical I would get from your body is your dimple. Next, you got brains. (I got big scores in classes, maybe that is why he said that) Your smile are nice even if you don't have any dimples. And many more."

But, I did not believe in all of that. Hahaizt.

I'm really stupid for feeling like this.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 02:56 ID:/cAB0Hr1

Don't choose him, choose death!

11 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-06 10:44 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>10

Oh! What are you trying to say? But, if I did tell him about my feelings what if he had already changed his mind? What if he already have another girl that he really loves more than I.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 22:42 ID:QHJ6ocnQ

>>11
Tell him, see what unfolds and move on. It might be blunt, but that's how it works, otherwise nothing will probably ever happen, and you might even wind up hating him. If he says "yup I love you too let's make babies", hurray, happy end.

If he says "uhhh no sorry", you're gonna hurt, cry, try to hold on anyways, find it too hard, step back, cry some more, and after a moment, be it weeks, months or years, you'll find yourself able to handle being "just friends" again. You'll be over him. At that point, you'll either want to leave that in the past, or want to get in touch again. If he is the friend you say he is, and life hasn't torn you both apart, then you'll be back in this place you like. If not, you'll be strong enough to move on.

Good luck.

13 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-08 04:29 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>12

I think I'm prepared of being friends with him. I am actually shy about telling other people my feelings. Just can't let them know about it. Gush.

Ok then. I will try. Aja. Tnx

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-13 07:40 ID:pM3PLAAR

I totally agree with 12. Don't do something you might regret in the future. Even if he says no, you can still hold on tight to that friendship. If it's something dear to you, hold onto it tight and don't let go.

15 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-13 07:50 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>14 Yeah, I really want to do it. But, I can't think of him for now as my bf. Does this mean I get over with my feelings for him? I am contented just seeing him. Seems like my feelings for him now somehow is stable. I mean, whenever he touches me like hold my hand, pat me on the shoulder or look at me in the eye I felt nothing. Just plain. My heart doesn't beat that fast anymore.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-13 21:07 ID:pM3PLAAR

>>15 If that's the case, then i think you are ready to move on. I may be single all my life, but the feeling of yearning for someone when you sleep and getting excited when you touch or see them is irreplaceable.

If that spark isn't there anymore then... ahhh good luck i am just going to rant at this point.

17 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-14 10:53 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>16 is that really it? Am I really ready to move on? But, I still like him the way I do before. It's just that there's no more heart-beating-fastly feeling.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-14 15:01 ID:EZmYgr0V

Oh man girl, you move too slow.

19 Name: Aging Otaku : 2010-01-14 16:46 ID:gioGf6WJ

There are two ways to look at this, if you wait too long, you end up having developed a friendship bond, that often feels uncomfortable passing and taking it to the next level. Although often, that can be a good thing if it does move on, because if you have the strong bonds of friendship and common likes and dislikes, you will more likely always have that.

On the other hand, and I have seen this a lot in my years, once it is taken to the next level, the friendship can change, and go sour, especially if your mutual romantic interests had not been topics of conversation during the friendship. I have seen lots of friends take it to the next level, then when the romance didn't work out, you don't have anything left with that person, no romance, nor friendship. And often that is harder and hurts more than just staying friends.

The other option, is to drop hints to her and her friends that you are interested, but you want her to make the first move. To make sure that it is something that she wants as much as you do.

That is my $.02

20 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-15 01:19 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>18: But I don't want to make a move. It should be him. Hahaizt. Maybe I really move on. Hope he too.

>>19: But, we really are close friends now. He is my top one close-guy friend now. It's just that I can't afford to lost him if we'll move into the next level of our relationship and end up not working it out.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-15 04:31 ID:pM3PLAAR

Hikari, going out with a guy and then breaking up with them automatically makes you hate each other... i know tons of people that break up and are still on very good terms. It really depends on the couple when they break up to decide if its good to see each other or not. This is 14 and 16 btw... ill stick with the same statement... dont be idle and let something escape in which you might regret for the rest of your life. Saying what if this and this might happen is just another way of telling yourself to run away... but if you are content with what you got and more then happy, i think you should move on.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-15 07:47 ID:rwGFNAjB

>>20
I'm just saying, it's a pity that you lost that "spark" before anything really happened. But now that you have, there's really no point forcing a relationship out of this situation if you can't see him in a romantic sense.

captcha:inose (trust me, i nose)

23 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-15 08:55 ID:4l4F0BYo

We're together yesterday for about 2 hours. As usual we laughed, teased and missed each other. He helped me with my assingment and printed it. He actually paid for it for me. We're together sitting at the sofa in our library. But then, I guess, I am now contented with these though. Maybe for now since I did not see him hang out with other girls. But, I don't know if he'll be hanging out with others, I'll still feel the same.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-15 17:26 ID:pM3PLAAR

A wise thing a friend once told me was "you don't know what was valuable until you've lost it". He loved his girlfriend and cared for her, but at times could do without her. It was till she broke up with him that he found out how much he really needed her.

25 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 03:49 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>24

Yeah2x. I do agree with that. But, how can I stop him from hanging out with other girls? When he confessed to me, that was 3 years ago, I declined. We're really very close. I guess, I just don't have any guts to go in confront him of my feelings. I'm not that brave enough. He knew in the first place that I am not vocal about my feelings.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-16 04:38 ID:pM3PLAAR

>>25
But that was 3 years ago. Feelings change. 3 years ago you might not have liked him in that way and only wanted to remain as special friends. How i see it, you saw it was important enough and gave deep thought into it before making a thread on it.

Many people have certain doors to change their destiny, but not many people have the right keys to open them. You have the key to something much greater.

Summon up the courage to change. You got at least one person here backing you up... and i am sure there is more then just me!!!

27 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 04:50 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>26

Yeah2x. Thanks for that. But, how can I be so sure that he's feelings for me did not really change? I mean, I know that he still cares and all. But, how can I be so sure that he still feels the same way for me as before? You know, in the way that I won't be humiliated.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-16 04:58 ID:pM3PLAAR

Humiliation is only a matter of time. The only person that can stop you from feeling humiliated is yourself. Instead of asking yourself what he felt and what he is feeling now, isn't more important to come to terms with your feelings?
"Do i care for him now?"
"Will i care for him in the future"
"will i care for him no matter what happens"

29 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 05:18 ID:4l4F0BYo

Dr s ds guy who change everyTng about me. Call him JM. I dont know if its because of JM why I dont find anymore the spark I have with my topClose guy. I m8 JM quite a while now. And we really are in good terms. He is the captain ball of Takraw game in our region. Furthermore, he is the president of his course in college. He got really beautiful looks, nice build, responsible and if I type it down its too long. One of my crush ,b4 I m8 JM, looks like him. I was really glad. He always invited me in his games. I even met his teammates. I even joined them in their victory party. They won in their recent game. And I really got fond of him. He would even fetch me after school. Whats this feeling?

30 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 05:37 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>28

I know that. And I also know that I still care for him whether it is now... future.. or whatever happens. He'll always be special for me. But, my love, I guess, lessens. I bet it's because I opened my heart to let others enter. And I finally succeeded. But, I don't know if this new guy likes me or what... we tend to be close now. Really.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-16 07:10 ID:pM3PLAAR

If its a new guy, then let him do it, if you are really into him drop hints and signs

32 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 08:38 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>31

He really is a new guy. I already did drop him a hints and signs and he's responding to it. I really like him and all. He's amazing. I'm into him right now.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-16 08:42 ID:pM3PLAAR

Hurray... i hope all goes well for you!

34 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 08:43 ID:4l4F0BYo

I guess, I really have to move on. And stay friends with him.

I'll give JM, new guy, a chance. I guess he really deserves it. He's really amazing. I will apply everything you advise me guys to JM now. I feel like he's more than my topClose guy. He's pretty good and all. Well, as before, JM is also a school icon. And after closing my dormant heart to others guys except my topClose guy now I am opening it to JM.

35 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-16 08:45 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>33

Hehe. Thanks. I hope so too that we'll work out. He did not court me yet but, his friend tell my friend that his into me. He's really amazing my other friend told me that JM is better than my topClose guy.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-16 08:46 ID:Heaven

m8 = mate

37 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-18 03:20 ID:4l4F0BYo

m8 means meet.. friendly meet

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-18 15:09 ID:Heaven

you have a weird way of pronouncing meet then..

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-18 16:55 ID:pM3PLAAR

so i just find out what takraw is...
all i can say is WOW!!!

40 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-19 12:22 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>38

it's not that weird.. sorry to mislead you of the meaning.

>>39

I see. You research for it then. Yeah, me too. It's wow! And his even the captain ball of it. Do you think we're match? I mean.. I put my self as nothing compared to him.

But, I really like him. Will I continue to drop hints to him that I like him? He responded to it positively too. He really shows that he cared for me and all.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-19 18:34 ID:mVSqrE/Q

I haven't read the other responses, so I'm sorry if I'm being redundant.

A relationship won't necessary kill your friendship in the event of a breakup. I know two former lovers who are now best friends.

42 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-20 01:28 ID:4l4F0BYo

>>41

I see. I also think of that possibility with us b,ut in view of the fact that both of us are ,I guess, contented with just having each other as close as now I guess it will be enough.

43 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-20 01:32 ID:4l4F0BYo

Yesterday, our common friends talked about having saturday night on one of the famous bars here. And they asked me if I've been to one of them. And I said "yes". I said I danced and made lots of friends. Then he but-in telling me that he likes girls like that. He keeps on telling us that he likes girls that are really showing off their beauty. But, he looked at me when he said that since I really shows off what I got. I mean.. I enhances my beauty more. I, mostly, used light make-ups and, well, I got brains..

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