Having trouble flirting (5)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-20 15:45 ID:NHMQk9u6

I'm almost completley incapable of flirting; When I think of ways the situation might progress, I find that when I imagine rejection that feels real and makes sense, but when I imagine any sort of acceptance of my potential flirting, that feels fake and fantastical.

I never flirt becuase I can't seem to mentally accept that it would ever be recieved as a good thing.

I can talk to girls as people, and I interact with them regularly as a person to a person; but I almost unconciously refuse to admit that they're girls. I've found some girls that I can talk about relationships with, but when I do it's always as two neutral commentators discussing some sort of abstract concept. They tell me that I come off as almost completley asexual in my discussions, and that they feel very comfortable talking to me because of this. All of my best friends are women.

So, I have lots of dicussions and come to lots of conclusions, but I still feel like an outside observer, like some sort of permanent 3rd party. I'm starting to become more and more obsessive in trying to fix this problem.

I really want to fall in love, and I adore the thought of anything that happens after two people meet each other, but trying to fit the flirting thing between "strangers" and "lovers" feels like trying to hammer a square block into a round hole.

Apologies if this is the wrong board;
Can any kind anon help me out with this?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-20 23:16 ID:AtGU/0Hm

I've been lurking this place forever, and I realize I'm feeling the same way...

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-21 06:30 ID:Heaven

flirting is just a step higher than being playful with someone, if you can be playful in a friendly way you are just about there you just need to show some interest, whether that's longer than normal gaze or closer proximity or better a combination of these factors.

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html
Social issues research centre - Guide to Flirting

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-22 04:01 ID:G0eRk3Y7

I'm no.2, but this seems really good. Thanks! Now if I could only build up the courage to start... D:

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-12-22 13:28 ID:9J/pGmuV

What I am about to tell you is something I have observed in a friend who is a "natural" at this. Obviously he gets many chicks, but I was intrigued by his behaviour and how it was almost never seen as offensive, when he is almost always flirting "aggressively" (I think he's a bit too extreme, but it was still interesting to learn from him).

There are 2 things to factor in. Primo, the most important: DO NOT take it seriously. All in all flirting is no big deal, it's just words, and if you are not awkward about them the person on the other end won't either. Secondo, it must be a part of your habitual behaviour. Someone who never flirts and suddenly spouts some random cheesy line is immediately spotted. Someone who always has a word around is "under the radar" because people are (or quickly get) used to it.

That doesn't mean you have to harass people, and that doesn't mean you have to become an asshole; just get used to talking about sex (yes, even if you're a virgin) in a light mood, and to joke and jab about it. Easier said than done, but it works after some training. When you've done that, flirting becomes something at reach.

Another important thing is to work on your self-confidence. You might not be able to flirt because you think you might be worthy of a few select some, and not of everyone around you. You have to be in the mindset where you are the one that is desired. I'm not saying you have to believe it. Just think about that frame of mind for a minute, you'll see why it works.

Again, it's a game of mirrors. You never have to believe all that bullshit, but as far as basic human interaction goes... well, you somehow have to go that route to be efficient.

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