A guy in unrequited love (19)

1 Name: mew : 2010-01-01 13:38 ID:2oQ3yNmQ

I'm a guy, 18 years old and never had any proper girlfriend (The very same guy who created the "I have a problem" in the sexuality board). There are thousands of millions of Naomis around the world. And yah, I am in love with a girl whose name is Naomi.

Since the day we first met, our friendship grew to where we currently stand today. Now we're really close as if we knew each other since childhood and we cared, confided and shared many things together. But in as much as close intimate friendship is not concerned, I am in love with her (I feel). I've been in love with her for almost 4 years now, and Naomi knows my feelings for her. But it's not a happy ending anyway... She loves someone else and is attached to him, her current lover/boyfriend.

There may be people I don't know out there who may experience the same thing, but one thing that makes me feel odd about how I feel is that I don't know any guy friend who experienced any unrequited love. It always seemed easy for them; They confess to a girl, or a girl confessing to them, and then they went into a relationship afterwards. Everytime my friends hear about my unrequited love story, they'd give me the usual reply, "Awww, poor guy." It really pisses me off because it would make me feel pathetic and as if I'm the only person left in the world who doesn't have a lover. But I'll get into the point.

I've been wondering, how to deal with this? And is it really unusual for a guy like me to still have unrequited love for a long period of time? Getting into relationships always seem to be pretty easy for my friends, but sometimes I wonder if it's still right to continue on with unrequited love judging by how things are going nowadays. Naomi treasures me dearly, and she really wants me to be happy. She would cry everytime she thinks about my feelings, but we still cherish each other and never promised to part no matter what because that's what makes us happy. It's been always hard for me, although she knows that I love her.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-02 06:46 ID:ItWuLfxm

I've been there and many others here have as well. After my experience I have vowed never to let it happen again. What you need to do is take a step back, keep distance away from this girl. Focus on stuff you like to do, keep yourself busy with hobbies and friends. You need to understand that not everyone is meant to be. If you are getting no where with her then move on to someone who respects you enough to return kindness you give them. She may be a good friend but she is not helping you by keeping your heart dangling on a string.

3 Name: mew : 2010-01-02 10:13 ID:UzVdAP+F

> 2
>> What you need to do is take a step back, keep distance away from this girl.

That is the thing which you said which makes it difficult for me and Naomi. I tried keeping a distance from her a few times before, but everytime I'd do that she'd cry and fall to pieces. Not that I'd intentionally inform her to keep my distance, I could tell she'd fall apart whenever I wasn't around with her, and I simply can't leave her like that.

She told me many times before that she needed me. I feel I cannot do it when there would be a time that she would need me (eg.: when she feels troubled, needs comfort and someone to confide to). She also told me there were some things she wasn't able to share with her lover, but I felt really happy to know she's still confiding on me because it's one of the reasons proven enough for me to know she really needs me. That's why it's hard for me to keep a distance from her.

>> Keep yourself busy with hobbies and friends.

I've been doing that for a long time now...

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-02 23:22 ID:ItWuLfxm

No offense but she sounds like an attention whore.

She cries when she doesn't talk to you. You cannot leave her like that, but if you stay close to her you will bring harm onto yourself. You have take a step back, and focus on yourself. Avoid her if you can but don't be rude. Keep yourself busy with hobbies and friends so if she wants to talk, you don't have to lie when you say "i'm busy." Plus it focus you attention of her.

But you need to make decision: do you want to help her or help yourself?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-03 02:20 ID:55hbgHu+

I'd be pretty pissed if I were you or Naomi's boyfriend. If he knew you guys were so close, I'm guessing he would be pretty upset too.

Keep your damn distance away from her. You're not living your life for her........at the moment anyway. The only way to stop this nonsense is to be apart from her, and then she'll realise who she really "needs". You do know that you've become her girlfriend? She's never gonna look at you the way you want her to if you keep staying in this position.

captcha: bruzz

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-03 02:24 ID:55hbgHu+

Ps. If she cries the next time you try keeping your distance, tell her to grow up and that she's being unfair. You're legally adults now. If she knows your feelings for her, then ask her to understand that you are in a difficult position. You need to live your own life, and you can't get over her unless you take some time apart.

7 Name: Otakun : 2010-01-05 09:30 ID:VOMuO5W3

Although it'd be bogus to give her such an ultimatum... but really you have to really force her to choose! Either its you or her boyfriend. She knows how you feel about her and how much its killing you, yet she continues to USE you that way. I know how it feels to have an unrequited love that lasted for years. It hurts like hell... and its going to keep hurting until there's a big change.

Also... if you honestly don't move on from her when there's no chance you could be missing out on the girl who you're meant to be with. Happiness awaits those who act!

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-05 16:52 ID:OTtzZsYj

Not to bring you down or anything but its mostly your fault for promising to be there for her despite knowing she was with another guy another point is it seems you really didn't care until other people told you they felt sorry for you for being in that situation. I'm not sure how to help exactly but to ignore her and give her ultimatums is not the way to go you promised to be her friend so keep your promise be her friend but realize that love is about wanting what is best for the other person and if they are currently happy why should take that away from them. You can still love her as a friend but keep your options open there could be an awesome girl you never noticed right under your nose goodluck!

9 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-06 10:52 ID:49C72Zil

>>2

Yeah! You should step back. Getting nearer her will really harm you. I know that you won't really forget her since you've been together for four years now. I'm the one who make the "keep the friendship or love?". Same as mine, my boy friend and I been so close for three years now. I knew his feelings for me since the first year. He confess. But you know what, in your situation, I guess Naomi also loves you (just don't hope). Coz if she doesn't why would she cry if you won't talk to her? Well, yeah, she cares for you but, in my point of view as a girl, since I've been through that, she is in love with you unconsciously.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 13:19 ID:bjFJdvil

>>5

her bf is upset?
bwhaha don't make me laugh. he doesn't care.

OP is getting all the whine, and she is relieved from her stress. afterwards the boyfriend gets all the love. and in secret he's happy OP is being used. (even though he does not like it his gf is crying.) naomi might be depressed. is that a possibility?

there is this guy, in love for 3 years now with my gf, And I seriously could care less if they meet.

sounds hard don't you think? I think it is. But well, she doesn;t want to get proffesional help, and I can't cure her. So I love the guy for taking over that part :-)

If I'd be you, I'd leave. good luck :)

11 Name: mew : 2010-01-08 03:08 ID:jiZs82+g

>7

Honestly, I don't really care that much because it's been always my enjoyment to keep people company, most especially with the girl I'm in love with. So okay, it does hurt like hell... But I thought that if I do love her, I'd never leave her alone when she feels so troubled she'd fall apart, right?

>8
>>it seems you really didn't care until other people told you they felt sorry for you for being in that situation.

That really wasn't an intention in my mind...

>10
>>her bf is upset?

If you're talking about Naomi's bf, no he isn't upset. At least currently.

To be honest Naomi and I are currently apart, we're living in different countries. But we still contact to each other frequently and make phone calls with each other. I last visited her months ago, and I can say her bf was really annoyed with it. He kinda sabotaged me in online chatting after my visit, and Naomi and I never liked it. There were also times she would argue with him over some things, but the way I saw it, they were not that really serious enough to jeopardize their relationship. The argument about me visiting Naomi back then was the worst. But today, everything's okay, only the silence between me and Naomi's bf felt kinda eerie. I don't remember him forgiving me for visiting Naomi.

Nevertheless, I'm still intending to visit her again soon. She really looked forward for it and it really encouraged me.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 07:26 ID:tcTUg7Hy

you know living in different country's make relationships specifically harder. How old are you again? If you guys could start living immediately together I might give you a chance :)

13 Name: mew : 2010-01-08 14:18 ID:UpUguU/Y

> 12

I'm 18.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-09 23:14 ID:9VqKwX9P

The fact that you two are in different countries makes it completely different! If you can you need to come to her, that might be a factor in your love being unrequited. Perhaps not unrequited, but she might not want to be in a relationship with somebody she couldn't see often.

Verification: rapable.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-10 04:30 ID:ItWuLfxm

Do you realize by visiting her and still talking to her you are only hurting yourself? You are so hung up on her you are missing out on girl who will ACTUALLY LOVE YOU. You are in another country and young live life away from her. If that is enough incentive, how much money do you spend visiting her? Save that money for something worth while like college tuition.

Naomi is an attention whore. She LOVES it when give her 110% of your attention. If her boyfriend is not giving her attention you are, and vice versa. At least with her boyfriend she has return it, with you she doesn't have to. She is using your feelings for own gain. I may not know Naomi but I know the type of girl. Crying when you don't talk to her, you are always visiting her, etc. Has she ever visited you? Has she done anything special for you?

Look being in this position is unhealthy and you are only hurting yourself by remaining there. Explore life, you are 18 for christ sakes.

16 Name: mew : 2010-01-10 05:04 ID:9bDUCvlu

>15
>>Do you realize by visiting her and still talking to her you are only hurting yourself?

In fact, no, I never thought of it. And even if I would think about it, I am pretty much more excited and happy to see her again then feeling my own pain. I always enjoy spending and sparing my own time being with her, would it be online chatting or phone calls, or most especially meeting her again face to face. So I felt it isn't much of a problem.

>>You are so hung up on her you are missing out on girl who will ACTUALLY LOVE YOU.

Maybe I am "so hung up", but I still cannot just leave her be since to her, we've been close friends for almost 4 years. The friendship we earned so hard makes it hard for us, or rather, for me to consider what's best. In my sight, I see my feelings for her and putting her in a higher priority than myself, while to her, she sees us as close friends. We have a friendship, we can't just throw it away.

>>how much money do you spend visiting her?

Like how people make plans, I also make plans on how to spend my budget. It's not like I visit her every month. I visit her at the very least once a year, so to me it isn't much of a problem.

>>Has she done anything special for you?

Give and take, right? Currently she's the only one I'm closest with, and with the polytechnic year (not college) starting on April 12, it's hard to make new friends. All my closest classmates from high school left for overseas (no clue where, they never spared me the details), which pretty much resorted me to feel very solitary and confined here. Never mind my parents, they're way too busy for me. She's the only one I'm closest with right now, she's trying her very best to be there for me, why should I set her aside?

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-10 05:36 ID:ItWuLfxm

You are content with you being the friend. Problem solved I guess

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-14 05:02 ID:aJVBksqr

New women made every day dude.
Seriously. There's always someone younger and prettier.

That's what I like about high school girls. I keep getting older and they stay the same

19 Name: InfinityIchi : 2010-02-27 03:59 ID:piisDiB8

I know exactly how you feel, mew. I have the exact same situation with a friend of mine. We used to be good friends, and as we got closer, I thought that confessing to her would be the right thing to do. After I did, our relationship changed for the worst. WE barely talk anymore, and when we're together, it's always awkward, because she knows that I'm thinking about her, and I know she's not. I think that you're doing the right thing, because if I had the chance, it's exactly what I'd do.

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