I have a crush on a Japanese woman at my college. I'll call her Sayo. She is sort of an exchange student at my college, except older (mid 20s, I think.) Her job is to help out students who are learning Japanese.
Right now, there are a few barriers between us. First, there is the mentor-student relationship, which is partially enforced because I am younger than she (I am 20.) Fortunately I've managed to break through this somewhat by treating her as a friend and not a teacher. But secondly, there is also a language barrier. My Japanese is not very good, so I can't have significant conversations with her when I'm practicing Japanese. Finally, time is working against me, since she leaves at the end of the school year.
Sayo is single, but she doesn't seem the type to have a random sexual fling while overseas. I'm not really after a random fling anyway, but the point is that her seriousness will probably make it even harder for me to break through the friend/mentor barrier.
Even with all these factors working against me, I still pine after her. Logically, I know it's not really worth it, since I really don't have a realistic chance of getting very far. But I can still dream...
Tell her that she is boring.
Well since she is so serious you'll have to take things slowly. In the end you may only end up being good friends with her but that's better than pushing too hard and having her possibly hating you right?
So my advice is try your best to learn more Japanese and use simple English that she can understand so that you can having longer and more interesting conversations with her e.g. talking about each others hobbies.
Try to talk to her more (but only if she wants to, if you feel that she doesn't want to chat with you anymore don't force it) and show that you care for her. Then just see how everything progresses from there on, as she gets to know more about you who knows she may think of you as more than a friend, but with her leaving soon she may not want to start a long distance relationship and you should respect her for that.
So for now just aim to be her good friend, when you feel that she may want more than that then do you aim higher. I hope this helps.
We talked online for about two hours straight today...in the end it was mostly in English, because I decided getting close to her was more important than practicing Japanese...:)
Ohh, my heart hasn't beat like this since high school...
But, you should know that your studies must also be on good condition. Anyways, that's great then. You talked for straight two hours that means you learned more about her. Just keep it going. In the end you will end up close to her. But just don't push anything so hard she might get uneasy if you were too close. For now, just keep on being friends with her.
Hey, make sure to keep progressing in Japanese too!
But I agree with >>5, keep being friends with her and become intimate that way before considering starting a relation ship.
Also because you want to know your level of compatibility.
you be trollin
Thanks for the advice guys, I've been trying to get closer to her.
Had dinner with her last night, with a few other friends. She was very quiet during the dinner. But after everybody else left she stayed behind, and opened up a bit and became a lot more talkative. I think this is a good sign....
At this point I can't realistically see a romantic relationship developing, unfortunately. But I would love to become her close friend at least! She still has many reservations, I can tell, but sometimes there is a ray of hope...
pics or didnt happen.
or else you be trollin
I do not know what your further plans for college is, but one of the things that many colleges offer, which is, as I am sure you are aware, is an exchange program. Maybe it is time to start building the seeds of a firm friendship, then try to get into a course where you could be an exchange student, and visit her country.
Also, the internet is a powerful tools in overcoming communication costs over long distances. Not too long ago, if you wanted toe call Japan, China, or anywhere outside the US, we were looking at costs over $1.00 per minute. Over Christmas my mother and sister were in the UK, I was able to talk to them on a regular phone in the UK using my computer and VoIP for 3 cents a minute. I used to make local calls outside of my immediate calling area (calling the next town over) and paid more than that. The cost of communications have dropped so dramaticlly that it has made it a much smaller world at least in that perspective.
So pretty much work on developing the relationship on a friendly level, also, try to get to understand more of her interests, likes, and dislikes. Japanese Culture is a mix between old and new. There are many older customs, as well as many new advances. So it's hard to tell how to move foward relationship-wise without knowing more about her background.
>>10
I understand that spending too much time on the Internet can make you paranoid that everybody's a troll. But I've learned it's much more enjoyable to play along with the threads in /love/ whether or not I think they're true (except for the really obvious trolls, of course.)
>>11
I will probably end up in Japan, since I plan to do JET or a similar program after graduation. That said, I don't realistically see our relationship continuing after she leaves. The last relationship I was in was LDR, and although it went fairly well for two years, I realized that it just wasn't enough. I need more face-to-face reality in my life, physical contact.
Also, I think she is too traditional to work out with me in the long run. She's a devout Buddhist and quite enthusiastic about it, while I have zero religious leanings. Of course, despite our differences, I still like her very much and will try to get to know her as well as possible in the time that's left.
I'm usually the ray of sunshine and happy go lucky guy... but if its not too rude to ask... if you're not going to try for the long run then whats the point of it all? I just hope you're not setting yourself up for a serious heart break. Creating a memorable relationship with someone only for it to be dropped can really hurt both sides. Please avoid that if you're not serious about this girl!
I agree with what you're saying >>13. Often I feel like I should just try to forget about her since I really am setting myself up for heartbreak.
Yet I still have a mad middle schoolish crush on her. I think about her often, trying to think up ways to get closer to her but not acting upon them. It's really hard to read her signs, but I get the feeling that she doesn't think of me the way I think about her.
On the other hand, the other day when I came to class, her face immediately lit up when she saw me. I've never seen her suddenly become so cheery. And it's that sort of thing that gets my (false?) hopes up...but then other times she treats me just like any other student.
Unfortunately, I can see two ways this will probably play out for me, and neither are desirable. The most likely route is that my crush on her will grow and grow, and I won't be able to forget about her, but she won't reciprocate, and then suddenly she'll be gone and I'll be heartbroken and filled with regret. The other possible route, though unlikely, is that she will reciprocate, and we will develop a special relationship in a short period of one or two months...and then she'll be gone. Even worse.
Really, I should just leave well enough alone. Fucking feelings, why must you trump logic so often?
sorry to break it to you, but a dream ends when you wake up