Problem with a friend, don't know what to do (15)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 15:54 ID:bCI6cgtC

This is the thing. This friend of mine he was nice to me, but then later on he started being mean and shit. For his rudeness I kept rather quiet becuase be helped me in many things whole heartedly.
Then, he said I 'yapped' but the truth was we BARELY even spoke the entire year. Hell, he yelled at me when I conveyed belated birthday wishes to him. He said things I'm not.
That was the last straw.
So when he asked me how my japanese exam went over gtalk,
I didn't respond to his IM. Then, I was out of station for 3 days. After that, when he asked again, I didn't reply once more.
And then I get this message

So ignoring me eh :P
You do realize i can call you right :P
anyway have fun... will chat with you later
and good luck with level 2
i hope you have started studying for it already...

(btw Level 2 is the name of the Japanese exam)
He meant a lot to me before all this happened.

I didn't think through this part of what I would say/do AFTER my ignoring. If I have to reply, it would'nt go without sparks flying from my side. Also I don't think I can say whatever is on my mind over IM. I feel I can only SAY it.
I'm sad and mad and don't know what to do.
Please help me.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 16:02 ID:Oi8XCkcP

Stop posting here because stupid retards here don't know a shit about anything

this is serious advice

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 16:27 ID:bCI6cgtC

>>2 I agree with you. But you should know it isn't always so.
Lets help OP the best way we can and leave out the stupid retards

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 16:28 ID:bCI6cgtC

3 here. OP is probably here because she didn't have enough opinions to make a decision.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 16:36 ID:aMgRyqxQ

I think your friend is someone who likes to joke around and didn't know you would be offended by his rude comments. That's why in his message he seems to think it wasn't a big deal and he can contact you just like how he usually does.

So my advice for you is that you either:

(1) Don't take things so seriously, don't mind his rude comments and yelling, he might not have been serious about them, might just be joking around or teasing. You don't have to be so polite to him and can be rude to him back.

(2) Accept that he can be a rude person and maybe that one time where he yelled at you was only because he was in a bad mood, overall you said he helped you on many things whole heartedly so he may be still a good person at heart.

(3) Tell him that you don't like it when he is rude to you or yells at you and see if he apologies or what his reasons were for doing that.

(4) Stop being friends with him if he continues to be rude to you despite you telling him that you get offended and don't like it.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 16:42 ID:bCI6cgtC

OP here. thank you >>3 and thank you >>5
You're both so kind to have helped me. God bless you :)

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 16:52 ID:bCI6cgtC

WAAIT! Op here >>5!

I'm pretty sure he knows what offends me.
I mean, people would know what offend people, right? And still do it?
though he has helped me, Why does it seem to me like he's always in a bad mood?
But I guess I can be rude back to him. But if that happens will he stop being nice?

Sure I'll tell him if I don't like what he says.

And yes I won't talk to him anymore if he further continues.

But the thing is do you think it would be a good idea to sit down and talk about it? I can't type everything over IM to him.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-06 17:11 ID:aMgRyqxQ

5 here

No some people aren't easily offended by rude comments, like I have friends who are totally ok with being rude to one another. Or if you say he knows what offends you then maybe he was just teasing you, you know he might believe in the saying that fighting with one another means you like them (which I don't really believe in personally).

No I don't think he will stop being nice to you if you be rude to him because he was rude to you first, and if he finds it surprising that you are suddenly so rude then you can just snap back and say it was because he was being mean first.

Some people are just very irritated and stressed out most of the time and so he may be that type of person or he's just not very agreeable. He also may be experiencing really stressful or sad events in life, so you could ask him about that.

Whatever the case, I think it's best to talk to him in person, that way you can see his facial expressions and emotions as he explains the situation to you. Yes you wouldn't be able to convey as much using just IM, you may want to use IM to schedule the meeting with him though. Say just invite him to have a drink with you or something and bring up the topic after you've talked about some general stuff.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 03:47 ID:KTVb/W04

>>8 OP here I don't know if I can wait till March when he returns from Japan to settle this once and for all.
Sometime of the other there's gonna be an IM from one of us and the talk might just start.
What should I do if an IM comes up? Because if it does,
I have mixed urges to settle the problem and give him an earful at the same time. Any thoughts?

10 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-08 04:32 ID:0LisO4zx

I think you should make things clearer to him. Not just letting him realize that you are offended. Tell him. Say something. I do that most of the time, when I'm offended.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 07:23 ID:JkZ+YnNK

he wants you to give him some attention and is visible irritated about you, not giving any.

only 1 remedy. be very clear. say you don't like him, and will never, ever, fall in love with him.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-08 13:51 ID:mlgEkMWW

>>10 Yes I will, Hikari-chan

>>11 Are you sure he wants –my- attention?
I don't think so... (O_O)
Looks to me like he’s pushing me away because he thinks I have a crush on him or some jazz, now that you’ve mentioned it.

Now, should I tell him by starting a conversation,
or just wait till he says something first?

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-12 03:26 ID:pv3BHszQ

Guys! OP here, yesterday we talked about this whole saga over IM,
I most of the stuff seems to have cleared up. I feel relieved,
feels like a weight is off my chest. I hope it stays that way.
Also he said some nice things I didn't really expect (I had expected a head-on collision)
He said that he was glad I was a Japanese sub-teacher,
after that, when said we could type in Japanese, he said my written Japanese is good. And that I've grown up...
It felt like being with the guardian figure I knew before. I felt so happy.

Guys, you were there to hear me out and guide me...
Thanks again, everyone!

14 Name: Hikari-chan : 2010-01-12 06:11 ID:0LisO4zx

Wow good for you. Just keep your good relationship. Good luck!

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-12 14:53 ID:SMXM+2Ia

>>14 Thank you, I will keep it going like it used to Hikari-chan! Thanks everyone, again! :D

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