It's my first time posting here so I'm a bit shy. But I'm also in a vulnerable state right now.

My boyfriend ended our relationship recently. I'm an adult, and this was the first person I really loved and did my best for. Before we were together, we knew a big risk we would be taking, because our physical distance would make things harder. Because we were hopelessly in love, we agreed to take the challenge and be strong until we can at least afford to travel and make other serious plans from there.

Everything seemed perfect to me, but a while ago he started to feel emotionally distant. After thinking it through, he felt that we weren't on the same level or we didn't express our mutual feelings well enough; I had small issues with trust and confidence, and he didn't feel that I was fulfilling his (intimate) needs enough after everything he did for me. Even though we tried to be accepting and understanding of these things, I guess it was too much time and effort to ask. We both made sacrifices, but in the end he changed his mind about our future.

I've been hurt and rejected before, but for some reason this is harder to handle than ever, especially with other things going on (health, graduating, jobs). I know he's better off now, probably even happy. I thought I'd be happy as long as he was doing well, so why is it hard for me and easy for him? Obviously I still have the same feelings and will to commit, and he doesn't.

Knowing how sensitive I am, I don't want this to turn into a detriment and make me unhealthier than it already has. I'm worried for myself.

I know people often give advice such as going out, working on other things that are more important and make me happy, and I have been doing all that. I have a busy life ahead. But very randomly I'll waste a lot of time feeling sad. Also, I don't like how I'm using all my hobbies, friends and work as distraction/escape from the pain or a replacement for the emptiness I now have in my life. That's how random thoughts come back to haunt me, because I suppress the feelings instead of resolving them.

We still want to be friends despite how awkward it might be right now. I want to give that some time. I don't want to forget or have any regrets. I want to be able to see things the way he does, in a better light. Is there a way I can have a different perspective on this right now? I don't want to feel hurt or bitter when I think of the memories, I want to feel happy that I had this experience at all and accept it. I want to be emotionally healthy and regain hope for myself. It's just really hard, and not many people out there to talk to about it.

Thanks whoever is out there reading.

It will be tough for the next two weeks for me too OP.

I have a girl friend, we are not in relationship, but we had been doing some stuffs a normal romantic couple often do this whole January. We dine, taking pictures, visiting places and talking our heart out. We sleep together more than two times.

Last night when I see her off in airport (she work as an Attaché) my heart really hurts. The chance I will meet her again is only if she get a scholarship to study master program in my city.

She left me songs, our pictures and letters, her words really melt me.

This will be hard for me to move on since I am a NEET ;_;

Wow, we are in the practically the exact same situation. I'm serious, I know exactly what you're going through.
I'd really like to talk to you personally. If you want someone who understands to speak with, I'll listen.
Drop me a line and perhaps we could discuss these things on msn.
http://whspr.me/21Z

I think its important to realize that you can't just magically get over a break up and the sorrow and thinking about it a lot is a normal thing that everyone goes through. talking about it and hanging out with people is definitly a good way to move on though from my experience.

>>4 I want do feel happy for the memories we made; but do I sound egoistic if I asked for our term could be longer?

>>5
No you don't sound egoistic at all no one would want it to end. For someone to say that they don't want happiness to last would go against why people live. The thing is happiness doesn't always last and feelings, people, everything has an end. The same way that you wouldn't obsess over bringing a person back to life after they die is the same mindset that you should have when you break up. It's over and to disrespect the intentions and feelings of the other person would do more harm than good to yourself and the other person. So take those happy memories and the things you learned and strive forward to some new goal. So that you can be happy. I am by no means an expert on these things. Everyone deals with seperation in thier own way so there is no right answer when getting over things like this and even if I tried to convey how I personally got over break ups and losing people the method wouldn't be conveyed properly. It's up to you.

Me again. Just thought I'd give a bit of advice in case you're not too keen on the msn thing.

An important part of breaking up is fully realizing that it's finished. Ask yourself, "Is this relationship really over?" If the answer is yes, and it probably is, then it's time to start letting go, however difficult that may be. Whatever you do, don't keep pondering what-ifs, might-have-beens and the such, or spending hours being miserable over your loss. That will do nothing but prolong your misery. But don't lose faith in love! There are some incredibly caring people out there. They're just rare to come by.
Also, you may want to avoid being friends with your ex until a few months later, when you're completely over it all. Probably the best thing you can do right now is to spend time with some caring, understanding people. Friends, family, they'll be your best source of happiness for the next while.

By the way, I seriously respect your resolve to commit to a long distance relationship, despite the inherit difficulties of it. It takes an incredibly strong heart to be that loving, and it's so tragic when even that much love isn't enough to make it work. Been through the same hurting myself only a few weeks ago. I'd tell you about how I'm getting over my breakup, but I'm not sure how much that would help you. Plus I'd rather not talk much about myself on here.

I know your pain, and I'll do everything I can to help you through this. Whatever you need, just ask, okay?

OP here, thank you. Just making this post has helped me a bit.
I guess a big part of moving on is figuring out what goals you have in life and what is really important to yourself. But I seem to value marriage/love almost as much as I value a solid career, family, etc. Right now I'm just afraid the pain will take much longer to heal than I think, or that I won't fully recover because it's been such a large impact. Or worse, I could have an even harder time trusting a person in that way again.
Either way, thank you still.

This is >>2, just want to share my update.

So it has been 2 weeks and a few days since she left me, and as I promised I am getting better! (recently start hanging out at random downtown healthy music scene). It doesn't hurt me anymore when she doesn't reply my message on Facebook within hours or just looking her latest pictures.

I am still listening to songs she gave me though. The music is more calming now. Now, if only I can get decent job lol.