I'm an evil bastard...and I need desperate advice. (complicated situation) (6)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-15 02:55 ID:H/QWaNs9

Man where do I start? Three years ago I met girl A, fell in love far too fast and basically thought she would be the one I would marry. But ultimately we fought too much, she "dumped" me many times when I did things not to her liking, like going to anime conventions. Slowly we were drifting apart, to the point we were on a status of "dating", even though we still loved each other.

Fast forward to last week. I went to a convention, she went out of town so it wasn't too troublesome. Then I met girl B. But heres the deal: girl A is 25, I'm 24 and girl B is 17. But girl B and I kind of hit it off, and we got really close, she was so cute and tender and incredibly mature that it surprised me when she said what her age was. We went....far enough, that I started feeling badly. I told girl B we should be friends and she was kind of like whatever.

Throughout the following week I couldn't stop thinking about girl B. And as of the mid week I decided that I would somehow end it with girl A, the drama was too much. So basically today, I broke girl A's heart by admitting what I did with girl B. girl A now thinks (rightfully so) that I'm a cheating rat bastard and I don't think I can fix things, but the messed up part is I don't want to, really. I don't want to get married anytime soon or commit to anything, not like I used to want to. I essentially grew over time to pull away from her. I'm such an evil bastard I know.

What makes this situation extremely hard: girl B wants to date me, and I want to date her. But we're seven years apart, and her mom is extremely protective and doesn't like that idea at all. Legally I'm ok, the age of consent is 17 in our state but not that I would risk anything for doing something stupid, but there is that social stigma. girl B and I talked on the phone for as long as we were able to, and we basically expressed our strong desire to date, even if it would be extremely hard and we would have to wait many months to see each other. Her mom wouldn't let her talk and doesn't want me to talk to her, but this girl doesn't turn 18 until december so its a huge waiting game, one that I'm actually willing to play. girl B is sad with how stubborn her mom is and how things are turning out, but I told her straight up that the best situation would be for me to meet her mom, but I have no idea how that will pan out. I think me making a good impression would be the only way to see this girl other than at the next anime convention, in September.

For those of you who will go tl:dr, summary: I'm a bad guy, I grew distant with my first gf, met another special girl, "cheated" with her (even though i wasn't exclusive with girl a), told the truth, broke girl A's heart, and now I want to date girl B. And girl B is cool with it. I will have to wait a long time but I probably need the personal time.

Flames, advice, praises, have at me anon. Thanks

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-15 23:24 ID:SEPq9/0i

  1. Make sure you're worth the trouble, yes you. If you're gonna keep up being a "bad guy", stay away from serious relationships.
  2. Don't mind the mothers lack of consent (unless you agree she has a good point in you being a bad idea), she already have no say legally, and once B moves out she will have no say whatsoever. It's up to B to decide who she wants to be with, not her mother.
  3. You and A were already breaking each-others hearts or whatever you want to call it, before this more drastic issue of cheating. You have to make a judgment of your relationship as a whole, not just one isolated event. If the two of you can't agree to get along somehow, you're both better off breaking up. Better now than after marriage and kids. At that point separation will always have permanent negatives, right now wounds inflicted will be of a more temporary nature. Assuming you can both move on with your lives without going emo.
  4. Learn from these mistakes and do your best never to repeat them.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-16 04:33 ID:H/QWaNs9

I'm OP. I have learned something very scary. girl B is a high functioning autistic girl, I never noticed but she told me recently. Which classifies her as a "mentally impaired" person. So long as she is under legal care of her guardian (mother) anything I do could be charged as statutory rape because the laws are written to make anything done, whether the person is competent or not, as coercion. And girl B told me today, sneaking in a call, that her mom and now her dad won't budge on this. Basically I could face legal trouble so the next time B calls I'll have to tell her that if we want this to work, we need to stop talking and give in to her mother's wishes until B is legally able to make her own. And honestly I'm willing to wait. But right now her parents have all the power and its not worth risking it. FML.

Thanks for the feedback second poster.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-16 22:00 ID:SEPq9/0i

Wow that's what I call a plot-twist.
Well with this new information on the table, abide by the law. Good call. Seems like you really care about this girl, I respect that. And enough good will shown, perhaps her parents will also come to regard your interest in her as sincere.

Good luck

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-23 07:07 ID:iblyU3FR

>>1 "For those of you who will go tl:dr, summary: I'm a bad guy, I grew distant with my first gf, met another special girl, "cheated" with her (even though i wasn't exclusive with girl a), told the truth, broke girl A's heart, and now I want to date girl B. And girl B is cool with it. I will have to wait a long time but I probably need the personal time."

I'm glad you're human. :-)

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-25 00:21 ID:C422gjyc

Relationship A sucked anyway, with all due respect. Sometimes our relationship dies, and we're only too afraid, or perhaps too stuck in it to take the courage needed to bury it.

Even if nothing else comes out of this, girl B came into your life, at the very least, to help you break the chains of your old, zombie relationship.

I'm not so sure about how far this legal care goes, it depends on where you live. HFA isn't such an impairment as to demand this measure, just having somebody nearby and adequate psychological treatmente should do good enough. But I don't thinks this comes into play.

In any way, I hope the outcome will be the best for all of you. Right now, perhaps it'll do you good to breathe some peace.

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