My parents don't approve my girlfriend (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-03 06:50 ID:wUkh3p76

my girlfriend and me have been dating for a year and our relationship was pretty good until we hit the parents issue. I went over to meet her parents last month and her parents were quite supportive of our relationship.however,when we came to my parents' house last friday the experience wasnt as good for her. my father had a talk with me last night basically stressed
some issues to me.

here's some of the issues my parents stressed to me:
she's not very good looking.
the ring we bought for each other(not enagement ring.doesn't mean anything just for shows) seems like we plan to rush things and get married very soon.
we spent too much time at home hugging each other and were to intimate for my parents' comfort.

I love my girlfriend and I think she's a great person, I have told my parents the same but they still don't look like they are gonna change their mind any time soon. What can I do to make things better? Parents issue is already effecting our relationship and I don't want to lose her just because of what my parents thinks.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-04 05:43 ID:kNHSKyG1

I don't think there is anything that can be done about your parents. Sorry if that's not helpful, but I cannot see how you could change them. It seems they will either have to accept your choice or just back off.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-05 01:31 ID:8uUorzDW

I never brought any of my girlfriends to my house for fear the same thing would happen to me however I have given this a lot of thought since I figured I would have to eventually bring her over.

  1. The whole cuddling hugging thing was definitly a bad move on your part you aren't supposed to bring your girlfriend over for the first time and act like that especially in front of your parents
  2. you can convince your parents of her good qualities its not that hard obviously you like her for a bunch of reasons besides her looks all you have to do is rationally explain them to your parents
  3. thats not a big deal in itself but what your parents are primariliy concerned about is the whole rushing things idea. you can do this by one showing some restraint when you bring her over and two tell them that you thought about it and that you are going to take it slower from now on.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-05 04:43 ID:OXZTtVBc

No one wants unattractive grandkids. You folks might feel you're too good for her, but i don't know of any parent whose ever been convinced their children are ugly.

As far as the rings go, take it off around them and don't wear it on the wedding band finger.

It doesn't seem like a big deal at this point, but remember you only get one set of parents.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-10 07:10 ID:SoktUcrc

sounds cruel, but leave it to your gf. it really is up to her now

6 Name: Spirit of Ma'at : 2010-06-10 11:58 ID:BGFTH6pY

Think for yourself. ~ Life is yours to design! ...Unless... your HOME is your parents' House - then it would be polite to respect "the rules" of your parents' house.

If you live elsewhere (as an adult) then you do not have to allow your parents to diminish your freedom-to-choose (any relationship, or) anything at all.

With the Freedom of your own HOME, you will enjoy being Human.

~
Your parents have gained wisdom, over the years; and you will too, as time goes on. It is polite is listen to the insights which they may wish to share with you. Yet, it is you who chooses the action in your life. ....y-o-u-r Life.

Wisdom is gained through experience. (parents included)

~
the ugliest looking person on the planet should be allowed the chance to recieve love from anyone who wishes to share love with the ugliest person on the planet. It would be "ugly" to prevent love in anyway.

your parents are not marring this person. your parents are not making babies with... anyone but your parents (i trust). ~ Your Life is given to YOU to Live. ~ Choose wisely (i trust).

Love can be shared openly and Love can be shared privately.

~
jewlery is decoration. commitment is NOT decoration. ~ A wedding ring is NOT (only) decoration. ~ All other types of jewlery IS decoration.

If jewlery makes a person happy, then have fun wearing it openly. ~ A person's body belongs to no other person, even if two people are married. ~ Bondage & slavery are illegal is some countries.

~
Being: "to intimate for my parents' comfort" ...is a fact. You can choose to be a bonehead and ignore your parent's comfort level. --OR-- You can (both) choose to repect your parnets' comfort level and not cuddle infront of your parents.

It's a blooming shame that two married adults, who are united by god (or otherwise), are uncomfortable with expressing LOVE. Love is the most peaceful universal emotion; and it is painfull and un-Healthy to supress Human Love.

Yet again, if your HOME is your parents' House - then it would be polite to respect "the rules" of your parents' house.

Your relationship is repected by your girlfriend's parents. These are adults, and they can choose to allow you to cuddle (in private) at their house, if they wish. ~ Your girlfriend would know if her parents are ok with the idea. Talk with her, about everything, always.

~
For the Love of Life... Be safe, and Have Fun!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-07-31 23:17 ID:JW+x08DN

>here's some of the issues my parents stressed to me:
>she's not very good looking.

What the hell?

For one thing that's a horrible thing to say to a son about the girl he loves, and for another it's none of their bloody business whether you date someone pretty or someone less so. In fact I think you should be commended for not being shallow, for being able to love a girl for something other than her looks.

Seriously, it's understandable for a parent to worry about income or bad influence or whatever, but this is just inane.

Considering their other two objections too, I have to wonder if what they're telling you is the real reason why they don't like her.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-08-25 09:03 ID:AYVTD6VZ

After dating for a year... who CARES what your folks say! Your relationship doesn't have to Live in that house.

If you want Freedom of Choice and the Freedom to Pursue Happiness, then... (you & your girl should) Aquire your Own Home (together).

Don't fuck around infront of your parents. Do it everywhere else on the Planet.
Don't live for your parents (or anyone else's) approval; you have free will - use it!
Listen to the wisdom of your elders; but only apply it to yourself if... you know it's the correct action for you.

9 Name: Jennifer Stroopwafel : 2012-07-25 16:00 ID:unO1fvAE

I found they’re producing a television show about this topic, and they’re still looking for participants. Seems pretty interesting… http://goo.gl/0BLJM

10 Name: yhtfugi : 2012-07-31 21:05 ID:gH7WnbO6

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-03 17:45 ID:RZnm4mZL

Your parents are being very shallow. 1, about appearance; 2, unfounded assumptions; 3, they're probably just creeped out that their kid is acting like an adult.

If you're an adult, your parents shouldn't dictate your life. Don't care what they say if it's not worth it.

Heck, my dream is to get married and have children without telling my dad because I know in advance he'd mess with both my relationship and my kids. If someone's opinions are hurting you, kick them and their "concerns" out of your life.

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