I would like to help you, but the truth is I can't even understand you. Is English your first language?

>Am i a lesbian ??

This question is very moot. No one can tell you if you are a lesbian or not. Your sexuality is something you need to decide for yourself.

That being said, from what I've been able to gather from your writing, in my opinion it sounds to me like you could be pansexual/bisexual and going through a period of reduced attraction to men, or a recently realized lesbian. You could even be straight and going through a period of homo/bi sexuality. Hell, you could be a lot of things. As I said before, it's up to you to decide what you are.

>i'am afraid to be a lesbian

May I ask why?