What is love? (17)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-15 16:52 ID:PSUsvPwG

(Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.)

But seriously, what is your take on this phenomenon?

Dependence is not quite like love, and neither is a desire to protect the other. To be in love with the idea of loving someone can also masquerade as love.

So how can you tell?

Do you think it matters?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-15 17:21 ID:tgslTNe8

I don't think it matters what anyone says love (in the romantic sense) is, what matters is when you feel something and you think "that's love".

3 Name: Mr Write : 2010-05-15 17:40 ID:AU86KW1F

Ugh, this question could take forever to actually answer fully. I'm feeling lazy, so I'll just give the quick and dirty.

  • there is no such thing as "the one"
  • love is the strongest of bonds that you share with but one other person who means more to you than anyone else
  • there is also no such thing "falling out of love"
  • if your "love" can simply disappear, that is not love, but infatuation (or you realizing something about them that you cannot deal with)
  • try not to be fooled by infatuation (yours or theirs)
  • people can be an entirely different person when infatuated, and will likely be unable to properly see someone for who they truly are
  • true fact: infatuation is the number one cause and killer of relationships
  • it can be hard to counter this, even with objective thinking and taking your time going into a relationship

Other things to consider...

  • you will get into some fights eventually, no matter how much you love each other. You'll get over it, though
  • there are going to be things you really don't like, maybe even hate, about the one you love. Just think of it as the price of admission (as Savage likes to put it)

There's plenty more I could go on about, but is this enough?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-15 22:59 ID:AdQk/qEs

for most people its a simple chemical reaction. one that eventually dies out, which is why divorce is so prevalent.

people that manage to stay together even after this chemical reaction has died out either hate each other and are together for cultural/social obligations, or they develop a different level of love that is very different from fleeting, ordinary, romantic love.

love is too imprecise a word to accurately define universally though. too many different emotions get lumped under 'love'. although they may seem similar, the love you feel for your significant other isnt the same emotion you feel towards your mother, your dog, your favorite instrument, your precious collectors item, or whatever it is that someone can claim to 'love'. by the same token, hate can be closer to love than most people realize. it is part of the reason why abusive couples are able to stay together for long periods of time.

since you are most likely asking about romantic love, its most important to remember theres no such thing as eternal romantic love. its entirely chemical, and doomed to dissipate. people get caught up in myths and other such stories about famous lovers, and they forget humans dont live forever. is it possible for two people to love each other romantically their entire lifetime? yes, if they live very short lives. couples who continue to love each other towards the limits of human age do not experience the same love they had when they were young. their body chemistry changes. no form of love is a static state, and the longer romantic love lasts, the more likely it is to change into a sort of familial love, which is entirely different. you could debate the terms, but in summary, love between two people at age 20 is not at all the same at 120, plain and simple fact.

contrary to what the previous poster has written, infatuation itself is the classical idea of romantic love. in fact its probably romantic love in its purest form. love that endures after infatuation is no longer pure romantic love.

the notion that you cant 'fall out of love' is nonsense and is the assertion of one who has had little romantic experience, or a long string of repeated failed ones.

ultimately, you will have to experience different forms of love for yourself to understand what the different emotions mean to you. try not to give too much weight to semantics, and dont be naive.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-16 01:40 ID:3xfUVo6D

I believe love is:

When another's happiness is essential to your own.

6 Name: Mr Write : 2010-05-16 03:06 ID:AU86KW1F

Subjectivity ftw.

Yeah, there's no universal definition of love. Its vagueness is often what gets us into trouble, actually. I feel I haven't made myself clear about my perspective, so I'll elaborate some more.

I am of the opinion that there is no real "falling out of love", simply because I believe that, like the all-too-cliche phrase goes, love is what you make it. It takes some serious work to maintain such a close bond with anyone. Eventually, you're going to lose interest, find out things you don't like, get sick of their personality, etc. Almost any relationship can be held together, so long as each involved tries their best. Of course, not every relationship is worth the necessary effort; but all too often, "fell out of love" is used as an easy, vague excuse to get out of the work it takes to maintain the relationship.

And since when did I claim that the love I'm talking about is literally romantic? If romance is jumping into a relationship out of nothing more that "love", then fuck romance. Romeo and Juliet probably had nothing more in common than their infatuation (and yes, I realize that was the point of the play in the first place).

Love really shouldn't be this mysterious, magical thing. It's really quite simple, and is generally only as convoluted as the hearts involved (though there can be other complications, definitely, such as distance and medical issues).

Dunno about other people, but I'd rather love someone based on their merit as a person, rather than some temporary feelings I feel towards them that may or may not be the corollary of that. Love shouldn't be such a gamble.

Love is the special, strongest bond you set aside for/create with someone that means more to them than merely a friend (though that's not to say you should ever underestimate the value of friendship), whom you respect and care for more than anyone else. Of course, by "you", I mean "I"; but why shouldn't love be this simple?

I me me my.

Again, I must stress that this is essentially but my own opinion. This is merely the perspective of one unromantic man (who happens to live for love, oddly enough). To gain a decent understanding of anything this subjective, try to take in as many views as possible, find the speck of truth to each one, and piece together your own beliefs.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention. Most everyone's perspective and beliefs tends reflect themselves, rather than the other way around, as mankind tends to change its beliefs to justify itself. Heck, even I'm guilty of this, entirely self-aware too. Try not to build your own beliefs with too much bias, or they will simply change as you do, and consequently mean very little. Of course, that's not to say you should not be dynamic, just try not to compromise what you believe in for the sake of self-justification.

Now, speaking of perspective, do we have anyone in the middle of a long-time relationship here willing to share theirs?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-16 05:06 ID:Heaven

Love is a meaningless catch-all phrase. What's amazing is that most languages only have one, or a handful of words to describe all the different emotions that you could label as love.

>>Dependence is not quite like love, and neither is a desire to protect the other. To be in love with the idea of loving someone can also masquerade as love.

Those are all 'love' for the simple fact that there are no better words for it in English. People that are holding out for 'real love' are chasing fairy-tales.

Consider that to a crazy person, murder could be a form of love. They might suffer from a chemical-imbalance that gives them wonderful feelings when doing horrible things. That doesn't mean it isn't love, to them it is, which is all that really matters. There are people that deeply love inanimate objects, there's nothing fake about that, only people that would impose their self-righteous views upon others and judge that love as false. The only definition of love that matters is your own.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-16 06:04 ID:Heaven

>>The only definition of love that matters is your own.

except when there's, you know, other people in your relationship

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-16 15:17 ID:Heaven

>>8 No, not really. Ultimately everyone has their own view on love whether you care to admit to it or not. You make mutual compromises in relationships, but having the same views on love is neither a necessity nor a likely factor in a successful relationship.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-16 18:13 ID:Heaven

>>1 its a euphemism for insanity. /endthread

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-21 14:43 ID:JrZPJuMa

>>10, you need a hug...

Just like >>4 said, love is a chemical process that becomes a manifestation of emotion that really largely depends on its object. Loving your country is different from loving your family, which is different from loving your job, which is again different from loving your partner.

Me, I think it can boil down to one thing: an act, a place, a sound, a smell, a touch, a taste, a word, the list goes on and is often related to at least one sense.

My father always says that love is sharing food with your wife, even if it were onions.

I'm not very good with words, but I show my mother that I love her by buying her her favourite monthly magazine, which she loves to read but never bothers to get for herself.

An old boyfriend used to express his love with painting and poetry, often combined.

A friend of mine expresses love by listening to me spazz about my favourite bands, which he knows nothing about.

I can go on. It's unique to the people involved.

How can you tell? Often, you can't. Even when the person directly says it to you, you don't know for sure what's going on in their head. With longer lasting relationships, you can begin to recognize the pattern. With your own love, it's the same: a matter of learning to recognize if what you're feeling is love, infatuation, or something else.

Does it matter? Sometimes. Obsession can turn harmful sometimes, and then it matters. If you've been together for a long time and there's no direct threat to the relationship, it doesn't matter as much. It all just depends.

12 Name: Choko : 2010-06-09 23:15 ID:bBtKPsJo

Baby dont hurt me...

13 Name: Soul Love : 2010-06-10 08:39 ID:HpWCI9Np

Love is within (YOU).
Love is Illuminating.
Love is Shared time.
Love is Unforgettable. ~ ...that's what you are. ;p

"All I have is my love of love, and love is not loving." ~ Bowie

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-07-23 05:45 ID:AHTnuCjB

>>3 there are going to be things you really don't like, maybe even hate, about the one you love. Just think of it as the price of admission (as Savage likes to put it)

How do you justify this? Love is complete acquiescence to the other person. It means loving the worst parts of the person so that there are no bad parts, just the pure essence of someone who really matters to you.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-07-23 07:28 ID:Heaven

>>14

Clearly, you haven't been in a relationship before.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-07-23 12:30 ID:AHTnuCjB

>>15

Ah, you mean I've never had this childish, blind, overtly sexual obsession with another human being. Clearly, someone can't stand up behind their answers.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-07-24 06:07 ID:Heaven

>>16

I'm not even sure what exactly you're arguing at this point...?

Anyways, more specifically, I'm saying there's going to be things you won't like about other people. Love is no different in this regard. Love doesn't magically make you able to love every annoying little thing that they do (not counting infatuation of course). Anyone who has been in a relationship would know this. Whether it's a difference in religious views, or that they keep leaving the dang toilet seat up, just accept it with the person as a whole.

It's all about getting to know everything about someone, and loving them anyway :D

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