Untitled (5)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-28 10:23 ID:O3FgQ13c

I am a conniving bastard who may be incapable of "love" or anything beyond personal desire and satisfaction.

I have been in many relationships, each one roughly the same. I find a girl who I find attractive and I start building a mental plan. I start talking with her, I become friends, I carefully plant my seed. I convince her that we're eerily alike, that I really care about her, her feelings, her well-being.. I act as a chameleon, I use her body language against her, I make myself seem like everything she wants in a man. I can keep my act up indefinitely, I've gone as long as two years before becoming bored with what I view as my favorite girl. Then I simply tell her I wasn't happy with her and move on. That's how I finish every relationship.

The girls I target, are never single. They're always in a relationship. There's a thrill I find so intense with breaking apart their relationship and convincing her I'm better for her. I look for the cracks in their relationship and I lightly chisel at them until it shatters. I'm never obvious, no one ever sees it coming. No one except for me.

I lied, a few of them have been single. Each new girl is my way of testing a personal theory. I purposely become friend-zoned with each girl, only to work my way up to something they desire. I know I've been friend-zoned, for before I begin my little schemes, I lightly prod to see how they would view me as a boyfriend. Hypothetically. They never see me as more than a good friend they're able to talk to about anything. They never saw us becoming more than friends when I ask them after my scheming has come to a finish.

I've had a woman 11 years my senior leave her husband, not for me, but because I had convinced her that he was no good for her. She never expected to be sleeping with me the next month. She never expected me to be the one to drop her either.

I stole my best-friend's fiance. I'm both proud and sick of that affair. The worst (perhaps the best?) part, is he blames her for being a whore, and she blamed him for being a negligent boyfriend. After 2 months, I told her I couldn't be with, nor trust a woman who would cheat on her boyfriend, let alone fiance with his best friend. He and I are still best friends, she was the one who seduced me. Or so that's the story. She still apologizes for everything she did to us.

I'm not bragging, I'm not even sure if I'm proud. Sometimes I disgust myself. No, more than sometimes, perhaps always. I wonder what it's like to really love a person? Everyone in my life is a tool, I've come to accept this. But acceptance does not mean I am happy with who I am. I am not happy at all, in fact.

I simply want to enjoy someone like everyone around me, yet all I can see in a person is what they offer. I'm a sick and twisted individual. I'm jealous of most of you.

I sometimes think, wish, hope, dream, of finding a woman who doesn't follow the same pattern as everyone else. Sometimes I both hope and worry that she will be the only one I can ever "love" if I am even capable of such a thing. Is that strange? I wonder if there is anyone else like me out there?

2 Name: Wonderfelt : 2010-05-28 11:14 ID:YOQxvrFI

Did you come here to confess your sins .. ? haha . lol .
If only you can say why did you decide to say all of this in this board? Its not like just to brag right? Considering your 1st sentence, you admitted that you are one hell of a bastard.
Specify what do you want to gain by posting that in this board.
Do you want to know how to become capable of loving someone? As far as I know ... people like you are lonely. You just said that no one ever notices your schemes and can also be said that no one really understands the true you, right? It can be said that you are some kind of a genius. Its more like your trying to use each girl as a guinea pig to prove your personal theory and you find it thrilling to break apart a relationship and take the woman only for you, most people can never be calm about such things when doing that cause when you are in love, you can get excited or scared of winning or losing thus dulls your judgement and decision making and never pulls it out smoothly like you do. Everytime you got interested on someone, you always plan every step you make and slowly but gradually fulfilling the conditions to make that person fall in love with you and when you become bored, you can easily dispose of her. You hav nver been truly inlove and thats why you can do such a thing.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-28 17:15 ID:O3FgQ13c

I suppose I want to know what it's like to feel enthralled by someone to the extent that I see a lot of you on this board are.. It seems nice, if not torturing, caring for someone who you aren't sure returns the sentiment. So much that you would be willing to do anything for them (not for them for yourself). I've seen people tell others to "be themselves", however I don't even know how to "be myself" anymore. I think that may be why I am the way I am, too worried of being judged for who I was, so I became who they wanted, and now that is who I am. It's hard on my mental state, I feel like I'm going mad.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-28 20:36 ID:Heaven

k.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-05-29 00:14 ID:53wnrWY4

Heh, you become what you believe in. As Lenin once said, "A lie told often enough becomes the truth." Out of context, yes, but still applicable.

In building your own character, you must decide for yourself what you truly value in life. From that, build your beliefs to reflect those values. Make sure to never compromise your beliefs for the sake of self-justification, or you will never grow as a person.

There is, in fact, more to love than foolishness; and it's not necessarily blind, either. Though it can, and tends to be, caused by mere chemical reactions and such, it can also be the result of one's deep respect and care for someone. Speaking of which, looking for love can be as simple as finding someone your truly respect. It definitely helps, in this case, to drop any pretentious or elitist attitudes you may have. It's hard to respect anyone when you think you're automatically better than them (and yet I'm still pretentious as fuck myself. Still working on that).

If you're ever going to better your life, you will have to begin with yourself.

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