I've been seeing this guy I met on the internet. We're both vidya gaem nerds, into winter sports and fitness, and upwardly-mobile twenty-somethings. He's an officer in the armed forces and I'm a graduate student. We live about an hour away from each other and have been on three dates- one each weekend since he first contacted me on the site.
The first two dates have taken place in my college town which is far more interesting than the area around base. Still, our third date involved me going down there to see him and play video games at his house. I thought he'd make a move, but the most we did was sit pressed up against each other.
We're both very busy, and so we only communicate via text between dates. This weekend I will be returning to my hometown for spring break, so we will not see each other for two weeks. I would really like to break the ice physically and possibly move this to an actual exclusive relationship, but I'm a rather shy girl myself... though we never run out of topics to discuss when we're together.
Any ideas, Anon?
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>>2 fuck sea shepherd and fuck you. get cancer. i hope all dolphins get cancer too.
>>1 very lucky guy. simple piece of advice, guys are -always- willing. if hes a typical dorky shy guy, he will never make the first move. or it will take him -forever- to do it because he'll be scared out of his mind that YOU arent ready no matter how obvious you make it.
but if you make the first move there is a snowball's chance in hell that he will react negatively. in other words, if you are ready, go for it and he will be the happiest guy in the world.
>>3
"guys are -always- willing"
That’s not always true you know
I personally like taking things slow, cause I’m lazy and don’t take well to sudden change.
if a girl tries to move things faster than I'm not use to that kind of makes me uncomfortable.
Even if I try to explain to her that I prefer to move things slow I sometimes get these accusations leveled against me:
That I’m two timing her
That I’m a not attracted to her
That I’m impotent
That I’m a homosexual
One girl even tried to link my love of anime and manga to pedophilia.
Rarely in this day and age is a guy in any position to say no.
You are definitely the exception and not the rule. Sorry to say, if I was a girl I'd definitely assume you were gay or impotent.
Common sense. If you're a young healthy male dork and aren't ready to jump on your girlfriend you have problems. But I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that anon is a bunch of asexual otaku right.
>>7
you can't just write things off to common sense
for a long while it was "common sense" that the cold was caused by cold
cept now that we scienced it, it turns out it isn't caused by the cold,
its a virus.
OP here.
The key here is HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. We've gone out on just a handful of dates.
I texted him yesterday thanking for a vidya gaem he gave me that won't run on his PC... no response yet. Is he playing hard-to-get or does he not like me after all?
>>6 oh geez, get off the internet. studies? really?
>>Rarely in this day and age is a guy in any position to say no.
see, even the eunich here understands the reality of the situation.
>>9 boyfriend or not hes ready to go. honestly, you could wait forever and he might literally never make a move. thats a fact of life with dorks.
>>9 him being your official boyfriend or not is irrelevant. you are in a relationship and you want it to get more physical. you dont sign off on boyfriend/girlfriend papers you make a move because he never will. and yes, unless he is impotent or he finds you absolutely hideous (unlikely if he continues to spend time with you) he will be receptive to any moves you make.
ask him what you should do about some guy who asked you out
So basically >>7 comes in making bullshit claims and has nothing to back them up. Then when someone contradicts your ~common sense~ with their real life experiences, you call them gay or impotent because you're fucking stupid and like to run your bitch mouth based on hurr durr stereotypes. Seriously, sit the fuck down and shut up, because you have nothing of value to add to this conversation.
Anyways, op, you're going to have to use your own discretion. If you think making the first move is the only way to get what you want, do it, even if it might be hard because you're shy. If you think dropping hints might prompt him to make the first move, try that. It's a tricky situation, but think about it and hope for the best.
>>13 the only bullshit i see in this thread is from a couple of castrated guys who have never touched a woman.
>>13
Hahahaha, wow. U mad bro? Looks like someone hit a nerve. Here's a thought, if someone's "real life experience" amounts to effectively having none at all, THEY should shut the fuck up and stop talking out of their asses.
>>If you're a young healthy male dork and aren't ready to jump on your girlfriend you have problems.
I'm not sure why anyone thinks I need to qualify that statement. You're just being obtuse.
>>16 theyre not being obtuse you just hit a little too close to home for these guys. i kind of feel bad for >>13.
again, i want to reiterate for the OP since this thread got sort of derailed. just go for it, you cant be afraid of changing the relationship if thats what you actually want. otherwise youre always going to be dissapointed with the relationship that you -do- have and youll keep wondering if it could be more. itll be healthier for you to find out where he stands and whether or not hes worth pursuing romantically.
I'm mad because you're a fucking moron spewing bullshit.
And where have either >>4 or myself said we haven't "touched a women", hmmm? Nowhere, except your head. I know I have, and the way >>4 phrased what they said they have too.
I know this is a hard concept for you, but you know that T.V. you watch, that tells you stupid things like "If a guy doesn't immediately want to fuck a girl he's gay, hurr durr durr"? That's a fantasy world. It's not real. In real life, people are a lot more complex than that. So no, guys who aren't ready to jump on a girl don't have ~problems~ and they're not ~gay~ or whatever stupid thing you think they are. And frankly, if the guy the op likes is one of those people, she can fuck her relationship with him following your stupid, childish advice.
Grow up, learn how the world works, and learn the difference between how you're music and movies and real life people.
>>18 tl;dr=mad virgin
Chill out buddy. So you have no sex drive. It's cool, they make drugs for that.
>>19
Im not sure you're making the discussion any more civil by casually mocking him.
>>20 Hey I jumped in late, I'm not interested in civility, just this guys nerd raaaaaage. It's so hilarious cause the only reason he'd rage so hard is if the guys making fun of him are completely right lol.
>>21
well then I suppose any discussion with you would be fruitless since apperently you're only here to get a rise out of people.
laters
I guess
>>18 i cant even laugh at this shit anymore. just stop posting. you have nothing to offer this thread. youre giving bad advice and no one wants to watch you lie to yourself. i dont care what what youve been told at your self-help group, youre not normal. heres something no girl probably ever had the heart to tell you, no one cares for a limp dick.
>>18 youre an idiot. sexual gratification is a critical part of any healthy adult relationship, youre either completely delusional/ignorant, or youre geriatric. trying so hard to validate yourself to strangers on the internet isnt helping your position. its just sad.
i dont care whether or not youre a virgin, but do you honestly think no one can read between the lines and see that youve never had a sexually fulfilling relationship>
Okay, OP here again.
So I'm going to text him today after work as I'm returning to the college town tomorrow morning. I think I'm going to invite him to my place and cook him dinner this weekend. If nothing screams "DUDE I LIKE YOU" it's that.
Anon, tell me whether I should pregame with one or two smirnoffs. I realize my body language is not particularly flirty, but with two drinks in me I stop clamming up so much...
>>Anon, tell me whether I should pregame with one or two smirnoffs.
that sounds like a great idea. good luck avatar.
>>25
dude that doesn't scream it
if you need a guy know something you need to tell him directly, you know like with WORDS
why the heck do you people have to be so subtle about everything?that causes so many problems.
FWIW a friend of mine was in the male position in this situation and came to me for advice. He did NOT realize that the girl was practically begging to bone him, even though it was beyond obvious to me as a rational insider. He was too scared of fucking things up to take initiative. You are probably still going to be required to make the first move even in this situation. He won't refuse though, practically guaranteed.
There is absolutely nothing subtle about what she's planning BTW. Just because most guys are dense as brick doesn't make her very obvious intentions even slightly subtle.
>>30 do you not understand basic biology? we're not talking about a social 'status quo', we're talking about a guy who has a physiological or psychological PROBLEM. possibly a combination of both.
>>its not like its a disease or something.
its called erectile dysfunction.
>>31
"we're not talking about a social 'status quo'"
more like you won't admit it
either that or you're just ignorant
your argument stands on the axiom that sexual grqatification can only be attained through intercourse
which is not always true.
masturbation does exist you silly goose.
but you know whats funny is homosexuality was considered a physiological/psychological problem decades ago
funny how things only change on the surface
>>masturbation does exist you silly goose.
/facepalm
Love and romance board. Thread about relationships. This guy is talking about whacking off. Explain to me how you sticking your hand in your pants is satisfying your partner? Oh that's right it doesn't and you clearly don't have one.
First of all, congratulations, OP. I hope everything goes well.
Yep, can't come up with anything better than "lol you're a virgin". You're pretty pathetic.
But hey, I'll call all those people I've slept with and them them what happened wasn't real, because some stupid 12 year old on the internet says so!
And my sex drive is perfectly fine, thank you. That's my whole god damn point, you stupid fuck, is that different people have different sex drives and just because someone doesn't fit in your narrow view of what you think is normal doesn't make them bad or gay or whatever the fuck. I don't know why this is such a hard, revolutionary concept for you.
Lol the irony. You know what would happen if I went to a self help group? They'd laugh me out of there, because I am normal. Like I said, kid, grow up and learn about the world.
You know what's sad? Is you put people into little groups that have clear and defined boundary's and when someone steps outside of those boundarys your little pea brain is so stunted and unused all you can do is call them bad names. Not every guy wants sex all the time with every women, you fucktard. The shit you spew is plain old wrong. It's wrong, you're wrong, and you need to stop saying it.
Lol go read that wikipedia article again. As I said, not wanting to fuck every women all the time is not a bad, unusual thing, and it's certainly not erectile dysfunction. God you're such a sad fucking moron.
Can't you see, >>30, we're just damn dirty homosexuals who want to ruin their day because we're EVIL! We spread lies on the internet, because we're evil homosexuals!
It's not like people have varying degrees of sexual drive! Or that men don't always want to fuck everything that moves! Or that we like to take things slowly!
NEVER! Those things obviously don't exist, because the T.V. and rap music and my red-neck dad and his buddies told me so! It obviously means we're impotent gays!
>>35 tl;dr
keep responding to every single poster that makes fun of you though. i love seeing pathetic anons having their self-esteem shattered.
>>35 someone should cnp this guy under U MAD over at dramatica or something haha.
You know U MAD when your main adverb is fuck and you're punctuating sentences with 'kid' and '12 year old'. The total of this guy's sexual experience is probably a handjob where he couldn't cum and he keeps coming back to get trolled, I'm lovin it!
>>33
Nothing actually
Of course that’s not what was being addressed now was it?
Because I was under the impression what was being addressed was whether a man who doesn’t jump at every and any opportunity at sex was mentally healthy.
The argument presented was that any man who didn’t do that had physiological or psychological problems.
I argued that these sorts of notions are just a social constructs
The other person backed up his argument by appealing to biology,
Which I assumed he meant the notion that sexual gratification is a physiological need, at the very least for mammals (if my assumption was wrong feel free to correct me and elaborate).
Those arguments were countered be stating that the need for sexual gratification does not equate for a need for sexual intercourse.
The masturbation bit was simply a counter for his appeal to biology
If you’re still confused you can try to draw a flowchart to help you understand
>>36
Goodness, you couldn't even read nine lines? I do hope your attention span is a lot longer for less trivial matters. I know deep down you’re a good person and would feel terrible if something bad happened to someone due to you not paying attention.
So stay alert when you need to silly .
Anyway I think this belief that a man who doesn’t jump at every opportunity for sex is less than a man is pretty similar to the belief that a woman who does jumps at every opportunity for sex is a slut.
They are both similar in that they are roles that society just kind of lumps on everyone.
Personally I think that’s wrong
People can do whatever they want with their bodies.
Okay, hijacking my own thread AGAIN with another question.
I texted him yesterday asking if he wanted to chill this weekend. No response yet. When should I be worried? Should I text again?
>>35 Geez. You should really step back and take a look at that post. You have serious confidence issues.
>>36>>37 Yes haha, very funny. That's enough guys really.
>>38 I'm not even sure what your deal is. I don't know why you break up your posts into strange lines like some sort of broken haiku, and I don't think you're reading any of the posts. We're talking about a sexually fulfilling relationship. Do you not understand that precludes masturbation? You don't have a relationship with your hand.
>>39 That is a red flag. If he's ignoring your texts he's probably not interested. I'd look past this guy if you're looking for a physical relationship.
I don't know if he's ignoring my text or just hasn't gotten it. Last week, I texted him during the day and he did not reply. I texted him again the next evening and he did right away. I texted him yesterday during the day... he was likely at work when he got it.
Should I try again or leave the ball entirely in his court? We're facebook friends but he never really posts, either... so the only real avenue is text/calling, but I HATE talking on the phone...
>>41 if you leave the ball in his court he'll never step up to play. but if youve been pushing the contact and he hasnt even been on point with his replies it sounds like hes not that interested. youre probably afraid of being rejected like anyone else is, but i imagine either way you want to know where you stand with this guy. find out whether or not hes interested so you can move on if not.
Update: I texted him and he texted me back.
Verdict: Don't text during the day because then he might forget to text me back. My best friend is quite guilty of this.
Angry virgin where you at? Entertain me.
Okay, I'm going to update this. Hopefully I can get some further advice.
I got back to CollegeTown from my hometown. I texted him and set up a date for that weekend. He texted me back the night before saying that his friend's car broke down and needed to be driven home one state over. I told him all right and tried not to take it too personally. This is the kind of thing guys say when they want to cancel, right? He then texted me apologizing and stating that we needed to figure out a time other than one day during the weekend to see each other. I agreed, giving him my AIM name. He then gave me his.
As a grad student, I am ALWAYS online. I'm online in my lab, in my classes, and after school. He hasn't been on IM since... but he has facebooked his exasperation a few times. Turns out he's been mad busy due to an inspection. Still, he had no downtime so we made plans for him to come up to spend the day in CollegeTown (as he is sick of work and MilitaryTown.) He texts me at 7AM day of, saying he needs to work all day. I texted him back telling him it was OK and to do what he needs to do and to text me when he has some free time.
I figured that this would leave the ball in his court, just in case he really isn't interested in me and this is some elaborate ploy to get rid of me. Then again, I might be thinking of this irrationally as I've been burned before. I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with him despite the depth of his commitment to his branch of service and the reality of future deployment. He really is that cool of a guy.
So Anon. Tell me if I should do anything further or I have this set up OK... I am not giving up until it becomes obvious that I'm tilting windmills.
no further action from you without appearing desperate.
>>44
Spring Break dude,I wasn't going to spend it arguing with you I do have a life you know.