Hi, everyone. I'm having a bit of a problem letting go of someone who hurt me, but not because I still care about him; rather, it's the opposite.
Long story short, I met a guy near the start of 2010. Soon we started to like each other and hung out a few times, till we finally both admitted our mutual feelings for each other. However, every time we made plans to hang out after that, he would come up with some excuse not to come at the last minute. He continued to flirt with me over text/phone, however, and all of his excuses seemed plausible, so I didn't think much of it. (How dumb of me... :[)
Well, fast forward to about August of last year. He suddenly stops talking to me as often, and then a few days later, his facebook says he's "In a Relationship." Just like that, with no warning, he replaces me with someone else after leading me on and letting me think that something might happen for the better part of a year. (I know, I know, I should have taken a hint, but that can be hard to do when you're blinded by feelings :/)
He texts me in a friendly way, just asking what's up, soon afterward, but I didn't respond. A day later he asks if something's wrong, and I admit to him that I'm very hurt by his sudden "dumping" of me and will need to stop talking to him for a while. He complies and doesn't text me again for a very long time (but he does continue to comment on my statues for a while, for some reason :/ I don't respond when he comments).
Anyway, I recently found out he wrote a mutual friend of ours a message saying that he doesn't know if I was hurt or mad or what, and that he would like to reconcile our friendship. However, I am still very bitter over how he treated me and I'm not sure if I want to bother. (not sure if I want to be friends with someone who's apparently that fucking oblivious... haha) He is still with his girlfriend too, though that stopped bothering me long ago, especially now that I am with a wonderful boyfriend who I love very much.
What should I do? As I said, I still feel very bitter, and would really just like an apology or SOMETHING from him before I can try anything. Just continuing to not speak to him has been fine so far, but I am filled with resentment any time he crosses my mind. Should I try to explain my reasoning and that I would like an apology, or just keep on as I have been and don't speak to him again, and come to terms with this on my own? Thanks if you read this far :)
if you are with a boyfriend but still feel like you need to mend that bridge with the other guy, I would let him hear him out. As much as you might not like hearing it, he might actually would of thought "we were just friends, right?" If that was the case, they you would tell him how you felt...and leave it as that. You could continue as friends...or it can be the final chapter of the anxiety you've been stressing on. Either way, just let him in once and hopefully you'll find your answer
neither of you owe each other anything. if hes that thickheaded it will lead to relationship problems for him in the future and that should be a comforting fact. from a practical perspective, its not like an apology would have any bearing on the relationship you currently share with him. if you have to explain to him why you feel you deserve an apology, it wouldnt stick with him, wouldnt be sincere, and in the long run does absolutely nothing but make things awkward for both of you. if i were in your place id simply stop talking to him completely, remove him from your friends list etc.
when you reconcile with people who mistreat you, its really an invitation for them to do it again. there arent many circumstances in which a person changes their character and no longer leans towards their previous behavior.