Cuddle Buddy technicalities? (22)

1 Name: Dragonfly : 2011-04-20 20:03 ID:7KE7C8ZW

So how do you put it across to a guy (who likes you as a friend) that you want to be cuddle buddies without it coming out creepy?
As in, how should I tell him? How do I phrase it?
Also, I was wondering- Cuddling won't develop feelings that would make him want to get into a relationship, right?
I'm not looking for a relationship. Only cuddles.

So, thoughts?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-04-20 21:21 ID:Jrr/sL1C

I think it's likely that cuddling with someone could provoke feelings from them. It might cause him to become infatuated with you or something, there's a chance that things could become complicated.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-04-21 14:29 ID:V7JePGbW

dude....I mean if that isn't considered leading someone on I don't know what is.

4 Name: Dragonfly : 2011-04-21 14:51 ID:4FpnlnMC

>>3
Well I thought it was similar to the concept of fuck buddies, except it was just cuddles instead of sex?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-06 04:32 ID:A3q6N3jo

It won't work. You can try it, but it'll more than likely just fuck up your friendship. Unless it's not really a big deal whether you're friends or not, don't try to establish such a parasitical hold on the guy. If you want to cuddle frequently with one person, you'd better be prepared for a relationship.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-06 22:40 ID:KqsrDsmR

>>4 this is one of the worst ideas ive ever heard in my life. i feel immense pity for your friend. its definitely the most selfish suggestion ive heard in recent memory. explain to me what HES supposed to get out of this aside from blue balls?

7 Name: Mr Write : 2011-05-07 04:24 ID:04+WdNLL

>>6
Heh, apparently guys don't like cuddling.

Anyways, feelings will almost always develop in a cuddle buddy relationship. This is totally okay, though, so long as you make it clear that the relationship isn't going beyond that.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-07 05:32 ID:Heaven

>>1

You know what's "creepy"? Wanting a cuddle buddy.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-07 06:32 ID:SDTpB80I

>>8

Why u mad, though?

10 Name: Dragonfly : 2011-05-08 20:14 ID:nms3Roj5

>>7
I should just be clear that I want him only as a cuddle buddy and not anything more than that, right?
So how do I make it clear I don't want anything other than just a cuddle buddy thing? What should I say?

>>8
Why? It's not like I have a twisted fetish here to be creepy.
A desire to cuddle is normal.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-09 01:01 ID:Heaven

>>10 Are you some kind of furry or are you just a pre-teen? No. Not normal. Cuddle after sex? Fine. "Cuddle buddy"? Seriously?

>>explain to me what HES supposed to get out of this aside from blue balls?

This times 1000.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-09 05:51 ID:Tt8kOrCe

>>5
Guy here with a completely Platonic friendship which involves much hugging, massaging and cuddling with who I see as a "best friend", someone close as a sister and nothing more. How is this possible? Simple. I don't care about sex. I value her as a person for her wisdom, understanding, companionship, empathy, etc., and because of this, would not dream of complicating our connection with awkward, superfluous connotations of "love", "longing", "completion". We talked about this at one point... probably out of boredom, and discovered there were no extraneous desires between us, sexual or otherwise.

Also, I'm not homosexual. For the record, I'm entirely bisexual, which admittedly does contribute to my respect for her, as I do not want to appear to be exploiting her, and especially not in an inherently selfish, domineering, masculine way. In any case, she's independent enough to not need a romantic partner.

Oh, sure, I find her attractive. She's beautiful, in fact. That's purely an aesthetic judgment on my behalf however; you appreciate fine art, leave it be, untouched, as a thing to be admired. She thinks the same of me, and we do tell each other these thoughts occasionally. Yet we are not nurturing mutual infatuation. We state this because we find it true. Such sentiments raise our self-esteem and confidence, and we are grateful for their utterance.

Another crucial point which makes such a friendship possible between two people who, though they might very well be "perfect for each other", are so intertwined without wanting to commit themselves romantically, is that we are creative, rational beings. We have various hobbies and interests which we ultimately desire to pursue above all else - making the notion of their interruption almost unthinkable. For this alone it is a godsend for people like us to know a person with whom we can express all our deepest, most precious musings, unafraid as to whether it would cause romantic endearment.

As you will observe, we can only afford to maintain such distance from passion precisely because we understand the other so thoroughly that we wish no unnecessary disturbance occur. And yet, could a friendship - or bond, rather - like this endure under a different pretext? I submit that it cannot. We give strength, security and comfort, which comes from one who accepts another, regardless of anything in the world.

OP, what do you really want? A warm body to hug while you fantasize it is someone else's? Your own personal shoulder to cry on? A constant source of validation? A surrogate sibling? Think about what you're asking here. You can not proposition a person to be your emotional slave without expressing unwanted implications. You will not be able to maintain this sort of relation without eventually facing sexual or romantic frustration from your friend, which will happen because you both wanted very incongruent things to begin with. You came to us because you and he do not understand one another well enough to initiate the situation unhindered and without bias. Wherever you think you can find whatever connection you're looking for here, do not subject this man to the confusion and uncertainty of sudden and prolonged contact with a female body, unless you are absolutely sure he will not come to desire you.

That is all.

13 Name: Dragonfly : 2011-05-09 07:38 ID:E29ojZ5U

Let’s forget I asked. I don’t need cuddles. Hell I don’t need anything.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-09 15:33 ID:Wjd1/OZQ

>>1 you have a problem honey. the whole idea of this is so fundamentally selfish i dont even know where to begin. just quit while youre ahead, before you completely fuck up your friendship.

15 Name: Dragonfly : 2011-05-09 20:00 ID:E29ojZ5U

>>14

Hear me out, I thought it worked just the same as fuck buddies- you make something clear, do it and get it over with.
I didn't quite know so much was involved.
Now that I see it does have a lot involved, I don't want to be a part of some tangled web here. Hence the last post.

This whole thing up there, It was something I thought momentarily.
It was hypothetical. There was no guy. I wouldn't stoop so as low for my own satisfaction.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-10 03:06 ID:SDTpB80I

>>14

How is it selfish? How is it anymore selfish than wanting a fuck buddy? Or a Football-game-watching-buddy? Or a drinking buddy?

Hint: It's not

Go be butthurt somehwere else.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-10 15:23 ID:iMd8J+KZ

fuck buddies rarely ever work out either

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-10 21:34 ID:Heaven

>>How is it anymore selfish than wanting a fuck buddy? Hint: It's not

All sorts of wrong. If you need clarification you probably aren't a man.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 01:06 ID:SDTpB80I

>>17

True, but it doesn't stop people from trying, and sometimes it does work out.

>>18

No, I'm just not a whiny bitch.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 01:52 ID:KqsrDsmR

>>16 for one thing theres actually mutual gratification with fuck buddies. only a whiny asexual guy could possibly derive enjoyment from cuddling without sex.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 12:38 ID:w97JzjLE

>>16 Girl pretending she knows something about guys

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 16:55 ID:Wjd1/OZQ

>>16 youre an idiot. and your analogies dont make any sense. i dont know how you could possibly draw the conclusion that im 'butthurt' from any of what i posted, but i think its safe to assume the people who are rightfully calling the idea ridiculous and selfish have touched a nerve with YOU.

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