Guys,
I'm currently studying abroad.
I'm going to visit my hometown in a week.
So a guy from back at home asked me out for movie and a dinner.
I said okay, because I like him. And it's isn't everyday I get asked out.
Here's a part of a convo:
Him: hahahah what can happen with us though :P
Me: Lets just go with the flow :)
Him: sounds goodd :)
Me: You'd know when you see me. And when I see you :)
Him: hahaha yeahhh
That's when I got thinking about the 'making a move' bit.
So what are the moves they make on a first date- holding hands and hugging is okay, right?
What if there was going to be a kiss? Should I go for it?
Actually, I won't mind a kiss from him,
But here's the thing- we have a lotta mutual friends.
How can I let him know I want the kiss to be a simple secret, without it coming off as a secresiveness due to shame or embarrassment? I mean, he can tell people we went out, but just not about the kiss. People might tend to misunderstand if they know about that, and I'm scared about a bad label scattering since it's quite a bit of mutual friends we have.
Thoughts?
You like the guy, and you would like to kiss him, but you want to keep it a secret from your (many) mutual friends. Aren't you setting yourself up for a lot of pain?
Why don't you take responsibility for for your actions and feelings? There's nothing wrong about them, and if you feel confident, people will mostly not care about it. On the other hand, if you are ashamed and secretive about your behavior, you will evoke mistrust and suspicion from those around you. People might actually misunderstand and be disappointed in you ("she does not trust me, so she kept me in the dark about it, I'm probably not as close a friend of her as I thought", and all that kind of crap). Besides, these things nearly always filter out, so being sneaky about it ends up catching up with you.
But more importantly, you are being unfair and dishonest to the guy. Why should he bear the weight of your insecurities? He has nothing to be ashamed of, so why should he behave in a fishy and hypocritical manner? Also, don't tell him to "go with the flow" if in reality you are not at all ready for that. Say it if you really mean it. Loosen up, you're doing something entirely normal, be bold and confident, just as you should. I could understand if you wished to avoid kissing because you don't feel ready for that on a personal level. But if it's because you are worried about "what others might think", I think you are doing it backwards, and will probably have a harder time having a nice and rewarding relationship.
You're right, I'll just be normal.
I think hiding it would be more of a problem than it being known, like you say it would be.
But I always go with the flow, it's how I roll, actually.
I should just loosen up, and remember that. That's all.
I don't know why I said what I said, I guess I'm sorta nervous when I think about getting physical, that's all.
As in- just how physical can things get on a first date?
I mean, I'm cool with a kiss. What if it went more than a kiss? Like, making out? (I'm tempted to)
Won't that make the guy think I'm easy? that worries me. I don't want to be seen as a tramp.
(Here's why I'm tempted- there's a lot or pent up sexual feelings in me because it's been 5 months of being with guys who are either like 10 year olds with cooties, or would fuck anything with a heartbeat)
>As in- just how physical can things get on a first date?
This totally depends on the culture and experience of the people involved. Speaking of western countries, if you are for instance thirty something, experienced and confident about yourself, it's entirely normal to even have sex on the first date. If on the other hand someone never had a kiss, or even a date, it's highly unlikely that things would get that far. What matters is what do you feel confident about and wish for yourself. You said kissing and making out, then set a hard limit on anything beyond that. Like, if you were open for a sexual relationship, you should take condoms with you. If you are not taking them, then you have a hard limit at that point.
>Won't that make the guy think I'm easy? that worries me. I don't want to be seen as a tramp.
well, considering the conversation you cited, a kiss seems to me entirely expected and natural. If the guy is extremely shy, you can even initiate the kiss. As for anything beyond that, since you are worried about those issues, let him take the initiative. That way you will not negatively surprise him by being more bold than he can deal with. If on the other hand he initiates something that you are cool with, then why not? In the unlikely case that he would later complain about it, that would just mean that he's an hypocrite, and not worth your time.
>>4
I am Indian. I like to have all other kinds of fun but I prefer to keep my V-card :)
Okay, since those issues do kinda worry me a bit, I'll let him lead the way :P And gotcha, thanks :)
>>5 my pleasure.
One more comment: don't be surprised if nothing happens beyond the kiss. Just as you don't want to come across as a licentious girl, he may also be wary of scaring you into thinking that he's a sex obsessed beast. The net result is a standoff where not much happens. But that's ok: as time goes on you will get to know each other better, and gain more confidence into how your partner feels about you.
In any case, enjoy your date!
I won't :) And you're right,he would be wary of himself too.
But one tiny question, what sign should I give if I want to go further without coming off as a tramp? Like, to convey 'I'm open to go furthur than a kiss (but I'm not craving your flesh)'
And, I will :)
Well, since you're waiting for him, your best option is to have a warm and encouraging attitude towards his initiatives. For instance don't stand or sit too far from him, don't retreat or freeze if he approaches or touches you. I don't know enough about Indian culture to recommend this, but if in your culture it's acceptable for friends to touch each other when they chat or laugh (as is common for instance in southern European countries), don't hesitate to touch him when you speak with him.
It also helps to be in a place/situation where you sit or stand very close to each other for a long time without fear of being disturbed by intruders. That's why romantic movies have so many sunset beach/star gazing scenes: people can have small talk, while real communication goes via body talk, because of the proximity and comfort. Those places also entertain enough the eye to allow you to enjoy the moment without necessarily feeling the need to keep talking. A comfortable silence can be quite an erotic/intimate experience, and a good transition from chatting to kissing, making out.
Yeah I know the bits about maintaining a comfortable proximity.
And caresses. And don't worry I won't freeze. I would be quite responsive.
(And just to give you a little insight on my physical extent- I do hug my guy friends who I'm close to)
I was nodding in agreement to the whole second paragraph.
You know what? I think if I listen to a little Led Zeppelin before I go, I'll be fine. I'll have my sexy groove on :D
I hope something happens!
I'd be annoyed if I met a girl whose definition of 'more than a kiss' falls short of foreplay.
>>11
I think you're in the minority.