Will I end up alone? (13)

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-08-18 15:56 ID:ZZYrEPDz

>>4

>your first kiss is not special
>losing your virginity is not a special occasion
>any guy who isnt a loser will be very turned off by you still being a virgin

lol, wut?

I respectfully disagree. There are at least two different kinds of people when it comes to love/relationships/sex: the first is a group of people who are capable of having one night stands and meaningless "relationships" of no substance, content with bouncing from one throw-away warm bodied place holder to another without any thought or regret. The other is a group of people who require actual love, connectedness, and commitment in their relationships to thrive in them. People that want the person they are with to be both their lover and their best friend at the same time. Objectively, one doesn't need to have more or less value than the other, but subjectively, everyone values the two types differently.

The latter is what OP sounds like to me. Unfortunately, for that group, patience and diligence in not lowing one's standards are key to finding one of those relationships, and that may mean "waiting" for a much longer time than the average person.

I was in OP's shoes not too long ago. About the same age, a kissless virgin, and afraid of never ever finding anyone as I nervously and jealously watched everyone around me score their third or fourth boyfriend/girlfriend while I remained forever alone. Even the assholes and idiots that I knew were finding "love" and it made me wonder what was wrong with me to have not done as well as them by that point. I realized pretty quickly though that quantity =/= quality. Did I really want a relationship like theirs? Void of any real connection other than a carnal one? Or a financial one? Or an accidental pregnancy? Heck no.

I gave up. I decided that being alone was better than being with someone that I didn't or couldn't really love. When people asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said, "No, I have a cat." And when people tried to push me into calling some guy or going to the bar to "get someone," I politely turned them down until they gave up on me, too. And I was fine with this.

In the mean time, I made a close friend, and after three years of a platonic friendship, and without expecting it to, that friendship blossomed in to romance and presently we are still enjoying our relationship.

In regard to your inexperience being a hindrance or turnoff to any potential partner: that's just plain bullcrap. If someone loves you for you, your sexual status will be of no worry, no matter which way it swings. Personally, when I met my now boyfriend, I was a 20-something virgin, and I was nervous as hell to tell him that. So I didn't, for years. When it eventually came up in conversation, and I told him the truth, I was amazed: he is older than I am, and he, too, had zero relationship experience. It wouldn't have mattered if he had, but either way I had stressed over nothing, and you may be, too, OP.

Eugh, this is already a wall of text. Please, as >>5 said, do your best, don't give up, and have respect and faith in yourself, and your capacity for independence. And never, ever lower your expectations, especially in something as precious as sharing yourself and your love with another person.

Great luck, OP! Be well!

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