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Incapable of being loved (41)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 06:42 ID:NeuBBPEA

Do you think there are people who are incapable of being loved? I do. People with so much baggage, grief, self loathing, and emotional and psychological scars who just cannot be loved?

People who look normal, even attractive, but their internal scars are so deep and shocking that one just cannot love them? Who have seen, experienced, and lived horrible lives?

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 06:47 ID:NeuBBPEA

It would feel so good to find a kindred spirit, and to be myself. To hide nothing. In order to live a normal life in normal society you must wear a mask. A veneer, in order to hide the real ugliness and grotesque scars on the inside. Unspeakable things. Nothing illegal mind you, just shocking.

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3 Name: Kahlan Nightwing : 2006-03-21 06:49 ID:Cv02arSI

I think everyone is capable of being loved. I don't think that everyone is capable of recieving or giving love however. Everyone of us has the ability to love someone else. Everyone has the ability to accept the eccentricities, flaws, and abnormalities in a person.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 06:55 ID:NeuBBPEA


No seriously, I am really doubting my personal capacity for being loved. I can give affection OK, it's just it is hard for me to open up, because when I do I open up too much.

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5 Name: Kahlan Nightwing : 2006-03-21 07:06 ID:Cv02arSI

You are right. No one wants to see that ugliness. Do you know why? Because it might just reflect an ugliness they fear is in inside them.

I don't know what kind of traumatic experience you've had...but I do know my own story. It was not full of posies and unicorns. I don't know many people who have that kind of past. And we all harbor the scars of that past. We carry it around with us, and it this that makes up that ugliness.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 07:16 ID:XgBSOqgR

The reason why many people have trouble liking that kind of person is because they are emotionally draining. One is constantly caring for this person, making sure that he or she does not hurt themselves. They are having to act like a parent and they do not get much in is one-sided and selfish. In the end you have two miserable people.

7 Name: Kahlan Nightwing : 2006-03-21 07:19 ID:Cv02arSI

That can be true, very true. But a relationship like that could also lead to the one person being draining and seeing the damage they are doing and changing.

Relationships are about communication and compromise. They are about talking about the bumps in the road and finding ways to smooth to avoid them altogether. "Give and take" is what we always hear.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 07:23 ID:NeuBBPEA

Nightwing, How could I ever be loved when I hate myself so vehemently?

It isn't irrational, my self hatred. I've come to terms with it and I go with it. Phantom pains, you know. I don't want a keeper or a parent-figure. I think I'm just afraid of finding someone uglier than me.

9 Name: Kahlan Nightwing : 2006-03-21 07:28 ID:Cv02arSI

That is a very good question. And you already know the answer to it. You can't. It is impossible to accept someone else's love if you hate yourself.

Of course self-hatred isn't rational. It's an emotion, the mind isn't involved much. I think actually making it rational would take a professional.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-21 10:17 ID:4GnzM0jU

    /// /   イ l  | |  | |   ヽ ヽ ヽ、
ィニニ〔ゝノ_ノ   / ヽ\ヽヽ  | l    |l  |l  ヽ
'´/ /| |7   r/'´ ̄ヽゝニヽ-ヽヽ  │ | | ヽ ヽ
イ/ / ! | |   ||-ャ─-,ニ、ミ‐`ヽ、ヽヽ / / /  | ヽヽ

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11 Name: benson_2009 : 2006-03-21 10:18 ID:JA07hiu/

i reckon the problem is sometimes if you open up to someone they think your mentaly ill, but if you meet someone really nice they help you. its true that people dont want to see the ugliness side of people, everyone has thier own mask the helps cover them selves. personaly i use to have a mask that covers up my true self but someone help me took that mask off. but mainly i think you need to make your mind and heart stronger to be able to take the problems and some minor problems you can just let it go.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-23 15:44 ID:Heaven

i dont think anyone will ever love you
just kill yourself, its the easy way out. sure getting the guts to actually go through with suicide is tough, but its a lot easier than facing up to the life youve chosen for yourself.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-24 10:49 ID:3ebpnqEE

>>12 is DQN?

14 Name: benson_2009 : 2006-03-24 11:09 ID:CENQ9gvI

>>12 I totally dont agree with that, suicide are people who are to weak to face life. you should never give up in life even if its a tough one, always keep fighting onwards and never look back. think of your self and other people in the world and you will realize how blessed you are.

15 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-03-24 19:20 ID:9EB5kOH2

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's not worth it. IMO, >>12 is DQN.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-24 21:04 ID:O/3bkesm

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-03-24 21:45 ID:Cr2JOiEa


You are a fool.

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18 Name: Not A Secret Admirer : 2006-03-24 22:43 ID:Heaven

Of course it is possible to never be loved, at least in a non-familial sense. Even without any mental or physical scarring or ugliness, it is possible. One simply has to live a life of solitude, like a monk or other holy person, or even simply someone who has found inner peace and the strength to live as an individual. If you can overcome the instinctual need for the companionship and acceptance of others, it's possible to live your whole life without meeting that many people, thus reducing your chances of ever meeting someone who would love you in a romantic sense to virtually nil.

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-13 05:47 ID:5tcb59X4

summing up >>18, incapable of being loved? no I don't think anyone is, it's whether or not you can accept someone elses love. Other people can love you and care about you for all you know but the problem comes when you can't accept it, it makes them harder to love you.

20 Name: Not A Secret Admirer : 2006-04-13 21:38 ID:Heaven

looks at his posts

Hmm, I am pretty wordy, aren't I? :| sigh Brevity was never one of my strong suits... well, at least the point gets across.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-15 03:31 ID:Heaven

>anyway suicide is one of the greatest triumphs over nature, defying your natural instinct to survive!!

I like this

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-17 01:58 ID:WTeOe8h5

>>21 anyway suicide is one of the greatest triumphs over nature, defying your natural instinct to survive!!

Or is it just the realization that you have nothing of value to offer the next generation in terms of genes, and taking a shortcut to your deathbed? Haha!

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-17 15:43 ID:3jDH6qMa

There are people out there (myself included) who are incapable of being loved. Some of us have too many emotional hookups, some have been hurt way too many times and others have more important things to do. Finding a partner, having a relationship and all that jazz is not for everyone. I would state my current circumstances as "don't wish to be loved". The emotional baggage, the amount of times shit has gone wrong, and my lack of time to devote to that "someone special" all have made me come to this conclusion.

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24 Name: Not A Secret Admirer : 2006-04-17 16:16 ID:Heaven

These are problems? Heh. If you're actually not interested in a relationship right now, then why do you care if she thinks you're gay? If girls thought you were gay, maybe they'd stop asking you, or maybe not, heh. Either way, if you're not going to be in a relationship you need to start getting used to being self-reliant and self-confident and independent and all that stuff. Part of that includes being able to shrug off other people's opinions of you, good or bad. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone, and anyone who gives you a hard time about it isn't worth your time.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-17 17:52 ID:Heaven

Because I'm not gay. Whilst I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment, that doesnt mean that I don't care about what people think of me. I kind of use people's opinion's of me to try and regulate myself, to avoid being an asshole, and stop it as soon as it's noticable to other people, since by the time I realise I'm fucking up by myself, it's usually too late.

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26 Name: Not A Secret Admirer : 2006-04-17 23:53 ID:Heaven

So, what, you're only not gay if other people think you're not gay? There's a difference between others' opinions of you based on stuff you've actually done and said and opinions of you based on stuff that they've thought up and "reasoned" out in their heads.

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27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-04-18 03:03 ID:UyOm8BSQ

i say this to myself all the time, i simply hate myself too much and suck at life so shrug at least now, i dont think i can love anyone else, or have anyone love me, so shrug for now

28 Name: Secret Squirrel : 2006-04-19 21:00 ID:M4lzaajM


>but also at some point you have to be able to look past others' opinions of yourself and see that what YOU think of yourself is more important.
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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-01 05:12 ID:woyAJWeI

There is no one truly unloveable. Hell, i've found people to be lovable just because they seem so unlovable! You just need to bump into the right person.

30 Post deleted.

31 Name: Nox Puss : 2007-02-16 20:39 ID:mPLA1rsP

Nonsense. No one is incapable of being loved. Sometimes the ugliness that lies within is the very thing which makes someone love another.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-19 17:56 ID:Jc/zAPJQ

Appearently someone has never listened to the Smiths.


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33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-20 01:25 ID:y/8eXtNW


Didn't you know "bitches" love to pine over forbidden fruit?

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34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-20 07:23 ID:Jc/zAPJQ


>I think you're just playing hardball as a way to deal with your constant solitude
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35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-20 07:42 ID:y/8eXtNW


I don't care about what I've heard, all I know is that it's cool with company, and shared love is awesome, and sex feels great and is fulfilling(unless you're doing it wrong ofcourse). Sure most relationships suck, but while I'm hanging out here(life) I might as well keep my eyes open because you never know. It can be good, and since it makes us happy, why should we not try, instead of telling us we are better off without?

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36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-20 15:15 ID:Jc/zAPJQ

>why should we not try

Because there are more imperative things that need to be done, both on your side and on the side of whoever you end up being around.

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37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-20 21:06 ID:Heaven

I'm like this -_-

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-21 00:16 ID:7iU3/DhE


39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-21 06:04 ID:Heaven


40 Name: 33 : 2007-02-23 11:41 ID:y/8eXtNW


Your honesty is touching, there is hope for you.

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41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-02-23 15:48 ID:Jc/zAPJQ

Why do I even try what, what is it that you think my attempt is here? How am I not being honest? If I didn't believe myself then how could I explain that I exist?