Hi residents of 4-ch. I've recently stumbled across this board of yours while browsing through 2-ch on some info and story on "Densha Otoko". Never thought i'll be posting here . . . But after looking through the other threads, i figured you guys could help me on this.
> i confessed to her via a text message
Come here. Come here. Let me bitchslap you. Text message, you dope.
Thanks. . . i'll take your advice into consideration. But the thing is, "J" has been asking me, whenever we went out, whether I had anyone in mind . . over and over again, i hesistated and told her: "I dunno." ＿|￣|○
J might -- might -- be asking you those things because she wants to know if you're truly available, and ready to advance in your and her relationship. If so, then dude, she's waiting for you. Just go stick your head in a bucket of ice water, get over this S chick, and you just might be in like Flynn. But by God's sake, don't do anything over freakin' text messaging and MSN. Show her you care by being with her, face to face. Like I said, your confession doesn't need to be formal and dramatic and cheesy, but it does need to be sincere. For sincerity, nothing can top being there in person.
Thanks again. . But seriously . . i really dont have the guts to just confess to "J" face to face . . . On normal days, I could even stammer when talking to ladies whom I dont really know that well.
Even now, the thought of having myself confess to "J" this Friday makes my heart beats faster and faster and faster . . Can..t....b...re..ath.e....p.r..op.erly....
I know its hard forgetting past feelings especially for someone like S who seems to be quite special in your life. However I think you can't let a girl like J go by and it seems to me (at least from what I read) that you two are on the same wavelength (which is GREAT) so I think I'm with the rest of the fellas and say go for it!
Just keep going and pray you're not in a friendzone!! Good luck!
Thanks for the encouragement guys. . . But I am lost as to what to do this coming Friday. . . I need to know what, when and how to say it out to her. . . Or maybe I should think through first and try some other day . . .
Here's the possible results that I've thought of, which might happen if i confess on Friday. . .
Oh, for crissake, you're thinking about this way too freakin' much. Look, I know that rejection is scary. I used to be afraid too. But if it happens, then that's all that happens. You won't die, the world won't end, the sun won't fail to rise in the east tomorrow morning.
O..k.. point noted. . . less thinking more actions. . . thanks. . .
Don't confess. Never confess on a first date or even early in a relationship. The early part of an relationship is like concrete settling, you can't start putting stuff on it until the basic foundation is ready, which is trust, security, etc. By saying 'I love you' that puts you from dating to a relationship. Seriously when you take her out, first don't talk about 'S' and make 'J' feel special, second just have fun. Seriously with experience first dates aren't a big deal, the purpose of a first date is to get a second date. Goodluck
Er.m thanks.. but the thing is ..I've been going out with "J" for quite sometime now. . . Donno whether those were counted as "dates" or not . . .
Anyway, I chatted with her on MSN last nite and for the first time, I got to ask "J" about the type of guy she's looking for.
Well, you didn't share your own religious views, but I'll assume that yours are leaning more toward agnosticism or non-practice.
In college, I had a friend who was absolutely nuts about a girl, and they dated for a long time. Eventually, though, she had to reject him, because she was strongly Christian and he was a stubborn atheist. (He was heartbroken, but apparently not enough to reconsider his religious views.) So for some people, yes, it is very important. The fact that she brought this up shows that she is most likely one of these people.
I definitely agree with 1. She's obviously looking for a lifetime partner, not just a good time to point out that she's looking for someone with the same religous beliefs. And if she did point them out it would be best to consider how you feel about it.... in which case I for one am wondering whether you fit the bill as her 'ideal man'?
Well . . I do think i fulfill points 1 to 3. . . But for point 4 . . er..m . . cause I myself, am a Buddhist . . (and yes. . I'm chinese). I'm willing to embrace another religion, but to be as devoted as what "J" has described . . I think a lot of time would be needed. . .
Well I won't lie to you but I find this to be a difficult situation to be in. If those 4 traits (with the highlight on #4) are really the things she's looking for then she might not feel the same way for you. Maybe you're just her friend? It sucks saying this because I hate being 'just a friend' (which I've encountered enough time to know that it SUCKS)... but who knows maybe she's in a dilemma herself. It might help if you tell us more what your relationship is like with her? What do the other guys think?
... of course if you are willing to convert... then it might work? But I don't know how genuine your 'conversion' be since you didn't do it for the appropriate reasons.
Well . . We're sort of like best friends . . I've known "J" since my secondary education days, which is around 6 years ? But we lost contact immediately after we graduated.
Then we met again during my tertiary education days which was 2 to 3 years back. That was when she started asking me out, to accompany her for shopping sprees and all that. And at the same time, we started to chat with each other nearly everyday on MSN. We shared our personal problems with one another, and often she would help me solve them.
Oops. Everywhere in this thread where I was 1, I should have been 2. Just now noticed that. Idjit.
Anyway, it sounds like we now have the lay of the land pretty well. On Friday, you're gonna do what I said earlier: forget dramatic "confessions" and just let her know how important she is to you. (If you seriously need a script, how's this? "You know, I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together in the past, and I hope we can spend a lot more time together in the future. What do you think?")
Erm..er..m i can feel the pressure on me . . even now. . . Could i just go on by saying part of it ? Like: "I really hope we can spend more time together in the future."
Any idea when i should tell her that ? Here's a rough plan on what we'll be doing tomorrow:
Whenever you're both enjoying each other's company. Whenever you're both having fun doing whatever you're doing, and it's fun that you wouldn't be having if you were alone. Trying to find the exact moment to do it is thinking too hard. You'll know.
Guys . . I'll be going out in around 3 hours time . . I'll post about what happen when I reach home. .
And thanks for the help and support. . .
Sorry guys. . . i've let you down . .
I suddenly backed out due to my old illness relapsing. . .
What is your illness? Is there a reason you felt the need to lie (i.e. you're stuck with this illness forever and it's embarassing)? If you just got sick I'm sure she'll understand. In fact, it would probably be better if you told her the truth. Saying you have "urgent matters" could be taken as "I have more important things to do." She will probably understand and not take offense if you tell her you were sick, though.
I've been suffering from mild panic attacks for around 3 years now. . Experienced some serious relapses for the whole of this week . . wasnt able to work or go out . .
We agreed on the date since last week. . and i didnt want to tell her that I couldnt meet up with her due to my illness . .
>>26 Do you even fucking KNOW what the fuck is a panic attack?? No!
Let me tell you that it's not "getting nervous". Or "I don't know what to do!!".. Noo... It's not those. Look at a psychology book. Those are BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS!! And 60% of women are that.
I just read the updates. I have to think about it and give you a better response since I'm off to work. However I will say that it is too bad that things turned out like this.
>>26 Still, I think telling a girl you had urgent matters to attend to is bad, since it makes it seem like she isn't an urgent matter.
E.rm. . .I think you misunderstood my post . . .
What should I do now . . I've been waiting for her to come online to explain to her since last night . . .
Call her and tell her that you got sick and feel bad that you had to cancel at the last minute and promise you will make it up. Also try not to have another panic attack, a first date is nothing really. Just keep calm you will be fine, and if you still feel an attack is coming remember you promised to take her out and it would be mean if you broke a promise.
Okay. You pussed out. I'd shame you, but I'm sure you already feel ashamed. (Of course, if not, you should.)
So what do you do? You apologize again for cutting out on her. Then you reschedule for as soon as she has free time. Tonight? Tomorrow? As soon as she's free, so are you.
Thanks guys . . And sorry again for letting you guys down . .
I'm gonna call her, apologize and set another date. . she ignored the previous text messages sent to her yesterday . . This maybe harder than I thought . . But i'll try. . .
>she ignored the previous text messages sent to her yesterday . .
NO MORE TEXT MESSAGES. NO MORE MSN OR EMAIL. Call her or see her in person. It's more sincere -- it'll be harder for you to lie, and it'll be harder for her to ignore you.
I just spoke to her . . She seemed alright . . I told her about my problems and all that . . and even offered to give her a treat when we meet next time . . she seemed reluctant about the treat . .
I've yet to set another date with her as she seemed to be in a rush . . . Should I give her another call now . . . or later ?
Maybe she was in a rush… to get off the phone with you, brother. :(
Call/see her at the soonest available time that wouldn't be a nuisance to her. You let her know when you first talked to her that you wanted to reschedule, right?
youre outta luck, find another girl if its this late
Sorry . . I'm not planning on giving up . . At least not without trying. . .
I'm planning on asking her out to a function on 23 May . . But it's like around 2 weeks more . .
Yes. Whatever you were going to do on Friday, you reschedule for as soon as she as free time. C'mon, man, you're still thinking too much. At the risk of quoting old sports shoe commercials, you gotta just do it.
What I don't understand is how come going out with her has suddenly become hard. You were old friends before, right? You went out a lot before, right? Is the only reason you're suddenly feeling apprehensive is you've realized you might be falling in love with her and you're afraid how she feels?
I guess that might be what I am feeling now . . I suddenly feel all tensed up and all just trying to talk to her. . .
Sounding like she's getting tired with having to deal with you. I'd say you'd better stop running her around circles now if you want to have any chance, if you just keep hanging around acting like this forever you'll come off as being really creepy if not already.
I don't get you . . Is it really that strange for me to act this way ?
Just man up, tell her that you feel bad and want to reschedule the date and do it. If you can't do that, then I can guarantee that someone would steal that girl from you, shit I would. A girl is a girl and if you do nothing then she will go to another guy. So do something or stop bitching.
You need to stop being such a goddamn faggot and take the bull by its horns. Yes it's hard. We all know.
We make it hard. When you really think about it there is nothing to really asking out a girl, 'hi, peggy sue, i was wondering if you want to get dinner with me friday night?' Of course that is over simplified example, but basically you are inviting her to an activity that invovles the two of you doing stuff together. However, we make asking a girl out hard with fears of rejections and self doubt. I overcome these irrational fears by thinking that I am always better than them and I am inviting them to share a part of my glorious life and if they say no then its her loss.
Thanks guys . . for the suggestions and for lecturing me . .at least I know what to do for now . .
I'll try to talk to "J" a.s.a.p and set up another "date" with her. . .
Stop beinging a whining little bitch. What has 'S' done for you in the past 5 years? Nothing, for all you care she could be dead. Its one thing to be upset over an ex, its another and truely pathetic to be upset over a crush. She didn't like, she doesn't like you, she will never like you. However, 'J' she did like you, but you might fuck things up but you still have time to fix them. You fixed another date, good now make sure you don't panic because if you do, you are done with her and you will be a more of a whining bitch, and I can't have that because it is getting annoying. SO try not to think about the date as a huge thing, she is your friend so it isn't a big thing. NO CONFESSIONS that will destroy your chances. I got class, I'll finish this later.
i just come to this thread, and i don't really know the detail.... but i think you are dwelling in your past.... just forget about past, think straight and find what you wanna do now.... just don't be pathetic, since you already know that you are pathetic back then.... appriciate if there is a woman that loves you, you won't get those feeling from others many times.... belief me.... just don't be egoist, and no more lie, because one lie will lead to another....
1 more thing, can you describe yourself, where you live, and the girls... 'S' and 'J'....
>>52 to save LoveLost the trouble just read the first couple of posts (just a suggestion!)
So I've been absent for a little while and read up on the recent events. Normal that you would feel incapacitated after seeing S. It's always like that when you bump into an old crush (at least for me). The guys here seem to be a little tough on you... I mean I for one knows the dilemma of falling in love with a person you consider your friend (especially your best friend!) I mean do you 'go for it' and risk losing her friendship (because let's face it, you might make great friends but things may not work out as a couple) or do you simple tuck in the emotions and enjoy the friendship. It's hard I know and honestly I don't really have any 'advice'. Just empathizing I guess.
Yeah I know I'm being tough, try living with a father that would hit you for getting a B in English. But he did teach me that I can do one of two things, I can either cry and complain about getting hit, or change things so I don't hit again, or basically improve my grade. Collorary to life is that you can either complain about the shit in life or change things for the better. So yeah OP, I am just hitting you to make sure you change things for the better.
Hey, 49, I know it's off topic but how come she was so dismayed after you 'gave up' when you weren't getting anywhere?... are you guys still best friends?
Well, basically I was just an emotional tampon/ gay best friend but I was too blinded to believe it. So when I finally realized that I couldn't get any where with, I had moved on or damage any further relationships I may have had (painfully) and when I did she missed all the attention I gave her, so she started to pursue me, probably for the attention I gave her. I decided to move on mid November and was completely over her in early Janurary. In late Feburary early March I fell in love with another girl and she being my friend, I told her about the other girl. And a week later, I was going to the beach and was in town for a day, my friend insisted that I would teach her how to play the guitar, I said sure because she was my friend and I was bored plus I like to show off, but I forgot and she got mad (rightfully so, I mean I did stood her up). Since then we hardly talked. In fact, tonight I found out that she was moving out of our home town (we went to high school together and go to the local college) and I just found out. So I guess the only reasons we were friends is because I thought I could get somewhere with it. However, this doesn't make me bitter about the 'best friends before dating,' two of my good friends are together after being like best friends for 3 years so it can work, its all depends on the people and luck, but don't keep yor hopes up. I know you may say that if I waited I could have gone somewhere, but I wasted 4 years, but you know I am quite glad that I moved on when I did.
>>56 Was it really 'wasted' though? I mean 4 years of friendship, that's still worth something right?
>>56 I re-read your post. I think I understand what you mean by 'wasted' and feel slightly bitter about this particular past.
Thanks guys . . And sorry for being such a whining bitch . . I took some time to read 49's post:
Don't feel too bad, I am usually hard and I can get wild up over little matters, gotta love family up bringing. But yeah, yu have a bird in the hand my friend, and I would be pissed if you lost it. But she isn't a guarantee, no girl is so if you lose I would like it to be because of her and not you.
I'm not gonna lose anything anymore . . I'll do my best not to . .
Good for you LoveLost! We'll await your next post no matter what the outcome. The important thing is to never have any regrets.
I wonder what's happened? No updates from LoveLost yet...
seriously dude, you don't need to be on 4ch 24/7 worrying about other people. get out, enjoy life away from the computer.
And wtf, if you don't have a link, leave the damn link box blank. Putting "none" in there is pointless.
I can and will tell you straight away and honestly, LoveLost. I'm assuming she's Christian, most likely protestant. I'm religious myself, so I'm confident I can guide you.
>>66 Ouch. Gee sorry, would you like to give me a hard time about something else?
>>65 Say, 49, did I do something wrong here? I thought this was a forum but based on your response it's as if I made a mistake...
yo, sorry if I offended you. im just saying give it time, in the meantime enjoy your life.
Guys . . please don't fight . .
>>67 i'll take note . . Thanks for your advice . .
lol It's all good ;)
So how IS your health? I hope improving? Once you get rid of your depression you will be much healthier. (Cuz being depressive means you're not healthy.)
Let me tell u something experience has taught me. Using Messenger does nothing to help your communication. Messenger's for 2ndtier friends and people you don't know. If you want to improve your relationship with her, or any friend, talk by phone. Asking for dates, talking about problems, these kind of stuff you always share verbally, on the phone, or personally, face-to-face.
I think you got it all mixed up . .
panic attacks =/= depressions
Group outings are good. At least you'll be there with her but it takes some pressure off of you since it's not a one-on-one thing. Hope she agrees to go!
>i confessed to her via a text message
"i <3 u" ?
Actually, it was:- "Could I be your boyfriend ?"
You will succeed in life if you use fewer ellipses!
How are you guys ?
Sorry for not being able to post for so long.
thanx for the update. keep it up!
pif, it's been a long time not seeing this thread, i just finished my exam. so it seem that you choose 'J'. You've decide and it seems that you've grown up a level. keep it up! ganbatte on sunday!!
the "Ok?" at the end of the convo-it sounds like she is kind of annoyed. Was she in a rush or something? uwah~~ well....
G--(^o^)--(^o^)--D~L--(^u^)--CK! show some more backbone, "J" will get tired of you if you never get around to admitting anything or at least telling her what's up w/ ya!
the key is to be polite, respect her for every answer she gives you, be a good listener. then you'll win the conversation....