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How do you confess? (56)

1 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-10 08:09 ID:h+WMFvG6

I've never had any experience and even though I dont plan on doing this anytime soon, I want to know just in case. How do you guys confess to a girl? Do you have a speech like in those dramas? Or do you just say something simple like, "you know, I really like you"?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 08:46 ID:MKS5TorC

Either way can work. It's a lot easier to just tell them you like them, but if you can dig up the courage for a long speech go for it! The girl who I like -- I've wanted to tell her I like her for a while but I couldn't find the right moment. Recently though, the timing felt right and I just told her "I like you." She may or may not have gotten that I really like her, but I was finally able to say it at least.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 08:59 ID:cfaQN1eD

You don't. You imply it.

Ignore you see in TV or movies. It's called fiction for a reason.

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4 Name: Admirable Secret : 2006-05-10 09:02 ID:d37uZu95

Well, whatever you do, don't give her a dog biscuit and tell her to fetch. It usually isn't taken kindly.

Then again...

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:05 ID:cfaQN1eD

Seriously, don't give her a note. If you can't muster up the guts to talk to her and get the lay of the land, you have no shot with her anyway. Don't go on for months.

6 Name: >>2 : 2006-05-10 09:16 ID:MKS5TorC

The advice we give you would probably be more efficient if we know if you're confessing to a girl online or in person.

Lots of people seem to think you should never tell a girl you like her, but I don't think you should think that can't work, if that's what you want to do. Personally it's just not my style. In my most recent close-distance relationship, I just asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Actually, my words were, "Would you like to be...intertwined?" It was pitiful! But that should show you that it doesn't matter how you go about doing it if the girls wants to date you. If she wants to, she wants to. If she doesn't, she doesn't. The way you go about asking probably won't make or break the deal, based on my experience at least. The most important thing is to get to know her and see if you two connect well.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:33 ID:cfaQN1eD

It it's a long distance relationship over the internet, you fail. Period.

8 Name: kmh : 2006-05-10 09:39 ID:cfaQN1eD

Maybe non-anonymous is better.

I don't mean to flame, but seriously, online relationships are such a hassle. I've been in one, and the only good thing I can say about the whole ordeal is that atleast the sex life doesn't get into a lull. Every time you meet the tension is there.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 09:46 ID:Heaven

>Ignore you see in TV or movies. It's called fiction for a reason.

IAWTC. Like I'm saying in that other thread, the entire concept of "confessing" like in movies or whatever is asinine. Big speeches aren't necessary; just say a few words to let her know how important she is to you, and all the rest can go unsaid.

10 Name: >>2 : 2006-05-10 20:51 ID:k+KQu7ca

>>8 I agree with you. I have been in a long distance relationship and it was such a hassle, and the long distance was pretty much the cause of our break-up. I said to myself, "I am never getting into an online relationship again!" but I am falling for a girl all over again (I have better judgement nowadays, so it isn't just puppy love or desperation out of loneliness or anything like that). So, while I don't think you should go out of your way to look for girls on the internet instead of real life, don't totally avoid the internet. If you meet a girl online and eventually fall for her, don't shun it just because it's online. If you really don't think you could find a girl you like more anywhere else, I say go for it. Long distance relationships are a hassle, but they can be worth it as long as it could eventually become short distance.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-10 23:47 ID:ivVeHkIX

Here's a word of advice.

Personally I think it is the stupidest thing you can ever do in your entire life.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 06:27 ID:cfaQN1eD

Don't confess, period. If you can't strike it up without such banalities, pack it up and go home.

13 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-11 06:31 ID:h+WMFvG6

BTW, I've fallen for a girl in real life.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 08:42 ID:Of4Z9vfc

First of all...don't be so quick to give up your freedoms for some stupid girl.

Second, you don't confess shit to a girl. You just do whatever. Women want Men. They want to be taken, not begged over.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 10:50 ID:cfaQN1eD

>>"They want to be taken, not begged over."

This ties very neatly into the whole tired "women fall for jerks" argument. Women don't fall for jerks. Women just find high self-esteem attractive. Surely a guy who is more confident in his abilities is more fun to be around than some whining kid?

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 16:48 ID:Heaven

>>14 is one of the bitter dorks that ruin discussion boards like these. Don't worry, be happy, brother.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 18:59 ID:NLJPlu0j

>>14 seems very biased against relationships, so I wouldn't take his advice to heart.

So it's a RL relationship huh? I would say what you should do first is try to get her out just with you, or with some friends if that's all you can get. If you already know eachother well, ask her if she wants to go to the movies or something. I personally don't see a problem with confessing and saying you like her. It really depends on the type of people you are, I guess. All the girls I've liked didn't find it strange that I told them I liked them, and told me they liked me too. If you're nerdy type of people, chances are she won't expect you to be really cool and smooth about getting with her.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 19:56 ID:KwjCZ6A6

> I'm sure you can get into a relationship with her without confessing, too. Ask her out sometime.

Is a confession of sorts appropriate on a first date? Obviously it's not the first topic of conversation, but could an 'I really like you and value our time together' kind of thing finish a date and possibly be a bridge to a second meeting?

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 00:45 ID:HF3BiRIv

>Obviously it's not the first topic of conversation, but could an 'I really like you and value our time together' kind of thing finish a date and possibly be a bridge to a second meeting?

Saying it that way sounds just a little too much, especially if the date was only a couple hours long or so. Go for something that's a little more short-term sounding, like "I had a good time today/tonight. Can we hang out again (Friday)?"

20 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-12 02:41 ID:h+WMFvG6

How do you flirt? It's one of the things I never understood or learned.. Please help. OTZ

21 Name: ドキドキ : 2006-05-12 03:37 ID:U42ov7tI

>>20 I wish I could help, but every time I think of someone "flirting" with a girl, the only thing I can imagine is an obnoxious kind of flirting. The only thing I can think of is physical contact, like sitting close to her, casual stuff like that.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 03:45 ID:Heaven

If you have a crush on someone, and have nothing to talk about with her but don't have the balls to just ask her out, it's not going anywhere. (Or maybe I'm just bitter.)

Try making friends.

23 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-12 04:04 ID:h+WMFvG6

I can ask her out (I've asked her before but we haven't had a plan work yet) and I have friends (guys and girls) but I have no idea how to flirt.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:06 ID:/N0KYl9h

I have had a guy confess his love for me in a speech once. His words were very powerful...and even shocking to me, because nobody had ever used the words he did to describe me before. He of course waited until it was too late and treated me like a burden the entire time we knew each other.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:17 ID:oSRxTfUG


TRU DAT. The last bad relationship I had started out with the guy asking me out over the internet, so in retrospect, I should have seen what a whiny coward he was from the way he started the relationship.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 07:59 ID:H92E5FnK

I am >>14 and I will have my detractors know this:

If anything, it is people like me who SAVE boards like this and keep things in perspective. People with your love and doves attitudes are the same people who set themselves up for failure.

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27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 09:03 ID:U42ov7tI

>>26 what you don't understand is that not all women are simply "women," and people have different kinds of relationships and different ways of forming them than you do. It's fine if you go about it the way you're saying, but it's wrong to totally pass off strategies more on the confession side. I have had three relationships (real ones with real women) in my life, and they all started by me telling the girl I liked her or wanted to be with her (after getting to know them for a month or two, and in one case a year or two), and her returning my feelings. I have never been turned down or thought of as a creep. Maybe I'm just lucky, but at the very least I am proof that it's more than possible to get a girlfriend without changing your personality to be a suave and aggressive.

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 19:36 ID:zeh2J9oV

as much as I wish that were possible, more and more 26 seems right

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 03:08 ID:Heaven

Well I have dated three girls this far in life and have been liked by at least three others, and I am not a very manly man. Though I'm not hopeless, needy, and desperate either. I think >>26 is right in that respect -- it would be difficult to find a girl that wants to be with a guy like that. But if you find a girl that likes you for who you are, I really can't imagine she'd think of you as any less of a man because you were shy about telling her how much you like her.

30 Name: 16 : 2006-05-13 04:39 ID:HF3BiRIv

>People with your love and doves attitudes are the same people who set themselves up for failure.

Of course. You set yourself up for failure every time you ask a girl "Hey, wanna go grab a cup of coffee with me?" How the hell do you intend to find a relationship if you don't set yourself up for for failure?

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31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-15 05:43 ID:VElOrq8D

>>30 just hate it when someone sets you straight.

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32 Name: 30 : 2006-05-15 09:57 ID:Heaven

Set me straight? rofl.

There's lots of points in your post I'd like to address, but frankly I think my time could be spent on better pursuits. Suffice it to say that you'll find things much faster if you're actually looking for them, and I'll leave it up to the readers of this thread to decide which of us is having a better time in life.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-15 18:34 ID:6qN0F4gK

>>31 There are as many wrong ways to live a life of romance as there is to live a life of ~fun dating~. I once contemplated just dating for fun after a big breakup, but I decided against it. I don't need sex so badly that I can't wait for the right girl to come along. I feel people who just date for fun and sex are very shallow and lead an unfulfilling life. I don't care what your reasons are -- that's what I think of it. Maybe it's unreasonable to think that? If it is, it's not nearly as unreasonable as thinking serious relationships are phoney when you've never even been in one. Or maybe you have, and it turned out bad, causing you to have this attitude towards them? I don't know, nor do I care. In my eyes, you are very wrong about love. I've been in serious relationships. I know the happiness that comes out of them as well as the heart-wrenching sadness. And you know what? It's very worth it.

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34 Name: G Otoko!AboRDsJIEk : 2006-05-15 19:41 ID:ZZU16sh2

Maturity helps. Confessing is needless provided you're both mature enough. This probably doesn't fit your situation.

I think the best way to go about it is to just reflect it in your behavior. Show your interested by flirting, being friendly, and being yourself. Going overboard however will make you a creep so don't be any different then you are normally.

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35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 05:10 ID:Heaven

I prefer being in love with anime characters, it's just so much more fulfilling than any real relationship could ever be

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 08:30 ID:Heaven

yeah it's awesome, especially the two-way communication and the sex

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 18:28 ID:AHKhl5Tk

>>36 say hello to my realdoll Kagomay

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 19:58 ID:Heaven

A confession should be stating the obvious.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 22:38 ID:d7qxt4vZ

Fun dating....

No it's just not taking everything so seriously. God some of you are almost suicidally set on this love and romance kick.

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40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 23:40 ID:11TjsCkR

>>39 What is wrong with you? Most people here aren't hell-bent on winning a girl over. I don't know why you can only group people in two categories: People that haaaaaaave to be in a relationship, and people like you? Just because someone wants to confess to a girl, it doesn't mean they spend their entire life thinking about love and romance and can't do anything else until they have a serious relationship with a girl. You're obviously irrationally biased against serious relationships for whatever reason, so I hope nobody has taken your advice.

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 02:47 ID:QKY/X//X

>>40 I hope people DO take my advice because the second you "confess your love" you are going to send some girl into a real creep out zone. That takes people by surprise. Especially if they don't feel the same way about you that you do about them.

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42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 02:59 ID:Heaven

Ideally, a confession shouldn't be needed. If you like each other it will come naturally. If you have to confess it usually means it's one sided and not mutual.

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 03:14 ID:/0Wm66Rn

>>41 You're still going on about "confessing" like the situation you're describing is the only possible situtation there could ever be in the world of "confessing to girls." I have "confessed" four times and never sent the girl into a "creep out" zone. Like I said, there are right ways and wrong ways to do it. Saying there is no right way to confess is ignorant since I am LIVING PROOF that it's entirely false.

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44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 03:18 ID:Heaven

>>42 Though it's true a confession isn't necessary to begin a relationship, that doesn't mean it's ideal. Along with the feelings not being mutual, it could also mean one or both sides are shy in nature; don't have experience with relationships; aren't sure if the other likes him/her; etc. There's simply too much to consider in any given situation to say a confession is -never- needed.

45 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-17 05:44 ID:u0IS5lII

Wow...a lot of views here to consider. However, I still have a question. How do I flirt? I sorta missed out on that life lesson.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 05:59 ID:/0Wm66Rn

>>45 it somewhat depends on the type of person you are and lifestyle you lead. What I means is, a nerdy person can't really flirt the same way a really outgoing "jock" would flirt. The gist of it is to make physical contact, maybe some flirtacious comments/jokes. Just try to feel for a moment to make an advance. This is probably no help to you, but I don't know what else to say lol

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 07:15 ID:QKY/X//X

When I flirt I usually say "nice tits".

For some reason it works well for me, lesser people might get kicked in the balls, maced, or shot though.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 17:50 ID:qfI5qN6Y

eye contact, smiling, making jokes, dropping subtle hints, touching, etc.

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 22:30 ID:BAQpw6Rl

It helps to be picky about women.

I usually make sure they believe in Valhalla and Odin before going any further than nice tits.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-17 23:22 ID:ivVeHkIX

Okay... what exactly is the meaning of "flirting" ? Can somebody define?

I want to know how that meaning applies to singles and to the ones in relationships.

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-18 02:34 ID:Y5Y4DfNf

I'm not sure that you can call flirting "flirting" if you're ina relationship with the girl. Flirting is basically doing things to make the girl know you're interested in her.

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-18 20:02 ID:Heaven

>>51 not really
flirt: playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest
is what google giving me.

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-19 08:10 ID:Pk8Mk5wa

If it's a definition you want, go look it up in a dictionary or google. I would always recommend go hang out in a uni / college bar or regular bar to see what people get up to.


54 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-19 08:23 ID:u0IS5lII

So flirting is basically stuff like compliments?

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-19 08:48 ID:Pk8Mk5wa

not so much compliments...but those would be incorporated when talking to the person you like.

Ultimamtely, through the discussion, will get sense if they are "in" to you or not...which culminates in YOU asking HE/SHE out...

56 Name: holdincourt : 2006-05-19 08:57 ID:Pk8Mk5wa

Being practical...agreed thumbs up