In this thread, let's debate over how much of a threat the dreaded "friendzone" really is. This is what I think:
The "friendzone" is a fictional excuse co-developed by both genders. Girls use it obviously to turn down guys they don't want to date without totally crushing their spirits, and guys use it as a crutch to ease being turned down, and in worse conditions as a barrier that blocks them from asking the girl out at all.
Totally fact. A good friend of mine is going through this very problem.
This is true. As I said, Girls are quick to determine whether or not you are a potential mate. If you fail, they might still be interested in you as a friend, but never as a romantic interest.
Yes, but it seems a lot of people think of the "friendzone" as some sort of level between friend and boyfriend, that is affected only by how long you are friends with the girl. I don't doubt its existence as far as "a zone that girls put boys in when they don't want to date them because they aren't interested in them romantically." But a lot of guys seem to use it like "a zone that girls put boys in when they have known them for a long time and like them too much to date them," so the guys don't feel like it's their fault. The guy is just trying to pretend that it isn't his fault the girl won't date them, but the girl's fault for becoming too attached somehow. It just doesn't make much sense in that aspect.
It all becomes clear when you first have to decline the advances of someone. You like them, but not in a romantic sense. Sure, they're fun to be around, but they're just not your type. Maybe she's a bit too insecure or a bit too clingy. You still want her around, you'd just never want to pursue a relationship her.
>>5 makes a good point. What would you do if someone you considered a good friend and never nothing more suddenly asked you out? Obviously you care about this person, but you wouldn't want to waste your time and energy and theirs pursuing a relationship you know you're just not going to be happy with. Most of the time "I think of you as a friend" isn't a punishment, but the truth. Nobody's "fault," really.
The point here really is that the word "friend zone" is mostly used when what starts as a romantic involvement slowly peters out, with the guy being far too clueless to actually noting this. Instead, he keeps on hanging around hoping for a miracle.
You'd still have sex with her unless she's ugly or you already have someone
Yes, well maybe if I was piss-drunk and not with someone and if she'd come on heavily, but that's a lot of ifs.
>>6 I am aware of this. But many people seem to have the mindset that they were only turned down because they waited too long. That if they had asked earlier the girl would have said yes. They don't want to admit that it's just because she was NEVER interested in them that way, and it wouldn't matter when they confessed.
I've never been 'put' in the 'friendzone' before, so I do no know how friendzone casualties must feel, although I did fall in love with my best friend. I think it helps to build a non-sexual relationship, so that your relationship is based on mental compatibility rather than physical appearance. I'd rather fall in love with a friend than risk being rejected, although confessing becomes a difficult task. So, maybe it's not such a bad thing that the girl you love is caught in the friendzone with you?
Yes. There must be some kind of misconception about the friendzone because the time part is not directly related to your chances of being seen as a potential partner or just a friend
Well I know for a fact that a few times it has been because I hadn't struck when the iron was hot. I was too timid to make my move, and sat around waiting.
>>13 How long did you take? If it took you a few weeks and the girl gave up on you, it's more her fault than yours. If it took you months upon months it's understandable, but I still don't think the "friendzone" has anything to do with it. If she still liked you the way she may have back then, and didn't have another relationship, she would say yes. If she wouldn't date you after a few months, what makes you think the relationship would have lasted as long as it took you to ask in the first place?
>>16 In the first case, four months. In the second case, two months. The latter case was a bit weird because I sensed her giving off some serious vibes. I was in fact so confident that I leant in for a kiss just to strike out.
I think it's very true. Be very friendly to a girl and don't drop hints = tossed into the friendzone.
If we accept the 'strike while the iron is hot' hypothesis, then perhaps my problem is that I am too attracted to women with varied interests, a good personality, intelligence, motivation, and a billion other things nearly impossible to diagnose without knowing them well.
If a girl likes you and then loses interest it's because you did something wrong. You can easily string a girl along for a very long time, even several years, depending on the person. Sure, she'll get a boyfriend and try to move on, but every time she has sex she'll be thinking of you and everytime her boyfriend holds her she'll be imagining it's you.
>If a girl likes you and then loses interest it's because you did something wrong.
No. It's because you didn't buy her things, or act like she wanted you to act, or did something against her word, or just generally decided to be a bit assertive.
>>22 there seems to be a lot of people on this board that think all women are like the women they have dealt with. Yes, the way you act is important. You should just act like you want to act, and not act differently just to appeal to a girl. What's the point? If she doesn't like the way you act, what does that say about how long a relationship would last? Buying her things isn't important unless she's shallow. And I don't know about you, but I don't like shallow girls.
>>23 aaa. uhm. No?
Sorry to break this to you, but all women are the same. I'd really like to talk to you after your second divorce.
>>24 is implying that all guys are the same too.
So, you're saying we're are like like one of the following stereotypes?:
>>24 yeah Mother Teresa was just after the money
Maybe you should stop chasing shallow whores and find a good woman instead ^__^
>>25 naah. Guys can be different. But deep down all women are the same. The sad part is they know it too.
For some odd reason I beat the other person to the punch.
I'm a fan of the "testing the waters" approach. Over time, I compliment said person on something, and over time certain compliments will escalate in niceness. If there's a positive response, I keep going, if there is a lukewarm to negative response I cool off or stop it all together.
The point is to hit the skins before she can think twice
I like 30 approach. But I'm afraid it only works with a specific attitude in life. If you do this the wrong way, you might be creating a glass ceiling for yourself at the 'friendzone' level. Still, Its the apporach I implicitly assume as well. Hasn't gotten me a girlfriend yet, but I'm confident.
She friend-zoned me last week. But last night i red-Wine-Zoned her into a blowjob. Tomorrow i'll fuck that bitch,
...or just kill her.