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Friends before dating (20)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 10:56 ID:Vc10Hk8l

Some people seem to advocate a "get to know her first, become friends, then try to start dating"-approach. I don't know exactly where this comes from, but I suspect a lot of it stems from fiction, where the whole neverending chase is a good set-up for drama.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 16:46 ID:JYRUfbSa

Well, the logic is that if the other person is a total creep, you can find out while still in the "friend mode" and therefore not waste time and have an emotional crash finding it out while in the "dating mode." On the other hand, if you find out that the person is tolerable but not someone you see yourself actually dating, then you've at least made a friend.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 05:47 ID:12RFFWms

it is best to be clear from the beginning.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:10 ID:KJIlDCcn

I'd say make your move within at most two weeks of first meeting them.

Yes. If you're the one that's interested, then there should be no questions about your feelings that far into a relationship. I'm tired of the whole beating-around-the-bush thing. Yeah, it's entertaining in fiction, but agonizing as hell in reality.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-12 06:39 ID:qFWlTMda

Two weeks?! No thanks, I like getting to know girls before I ask them out. There are different worlds of dating, I guess. I don't believe you can know someone enough to be interested in them romantically after only two weeks, though. I know waiting too long is an issue, but geez, two weeks after meeting them?

6 Name: 2 : 2006-05-13 04:47 ID:JYRUfbSa

What do you think dating is? Getting to know someone, just on an exclusive level. Romance is a major goal of dating, but it doesn't have to preclude it at all.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 07:59 ID:y28q1Z/T

"You lend them a book for an exam. You go for a cup of coffee once in a while. You invite them to your parties. And what do they do? After a year or two they suddenly come telling 'I love you'! It drives me nuts!"

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8 Name: 2 : 2006-05-13 08:27 ID:Heaven

You're selling yourself (and the rest of us men) short. Haven't you ever had any female friends whose company you enjoyed but who you would never see yourself dating? I did and I do; most of the time, they took the friendship at face value, and were absolutely right. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I'd never say that "just friends" is undesirable, but if you want it to be more, you've got to act quickly. The longer a relationship is just friendly, the greater the chances that it'll never be anything more.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 13:27 ID:6bDQEabK

you keep trying to be friends with the girls you like and youre gonna die alone. assholes win, end of story

10 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-13 18:52 ID:Heaven

In the end I don't think there's a right or wrong anwer. Love just hits you whatever way it wants y'know? Two friends could end up falling in love with each other and some people 'date' right off the bat. That being said, my personal experience is that waiting too long and not making your romantic interests known right away doesn't work out if you want to be 'more than friends'.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 04:38 ID:Heaven

the only place where friends become lovers seems to be in movies and such fantasy. I have yet to see it in real life. make your motives known or you'll regret it.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 16:05 ID:ZNE4FKm4

The whole bit about friendship before dating also is related to that people feel more at ease if they feel they can do things with no strings attached, and yet have a potentially favourable outcome of it (a lover or a good, important friend)

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 22:45 ID:Heaven

>>11 it has happened to me 2-3 times. Wait until you're a single, bitter old man before you guys start making up your mind in such a way as >>9

14 Name: 11 : 2006-05-17 05:49 ID:12RFFWms

i'm getting there

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-18 20:04 ID:7VMpp301

>>14 hey now. nomatter what everyone says, nomatter what politically correct drivel they push onto you, girls like older men and i'm experiencing that first hand.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-18 20:10 ID:Oad3V0vW


I am quite sure there is a limit, like a college coed going after a middle age man.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-19 01:26 ID:WVuaNPbt

Not so. I myself was friends with my first girlfriend for 9 years before we dated.
Our relationship was very enjoyable and it hurt me greatly when it ended.
We became friends when we were very young and romance was possibly the last thing on my mind back then.

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18 Name: holdincourt : 2006-05-19 09:15 ID:4xvbOtx2

wow...a GLIMMER of hope...

19 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-19 19:32 ID:Heaven

>>17 sniff

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-08-25 14:11 ID:cf7259FN

(some...) Black guys are rude. When I'm looking for a one-night stand, i go to certain clubs & see who bites. But (some) Black guys just walk up & say it straight out: "I wanna get with you."

I did 7 Black guys this weekend & made $2,300!