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Sex (or lack thereof) in a relationship. (37)

1 Name: sage : 2006-05-11 11:34 ID:yl2E9k0B

I'd like the hive to weigh in on the following issue.

I've been with my current girlfriend for more than four years, and we've lived together for more than two years. The problem I'm facing is the lack of sex.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 16:41 ID:FetSmtDQ

It sounds to me like this is something you need to address now if your relationship is going to continue to be healthy in the future. Have you talked to her directly about it? It sounds like you guys have been together long enough that you should be able to bring up things like this.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-11 18:50 ID:PHSLtD3e

I would say to get a professional viewpoint. Four years is a lot of relationship. Go to a counselor or something to find out what both of you think about it. Or call Sue Johanson lol

IMO though, it sounds like you just want to have sex at the end of the day? Do something sweet or romantic to get her in the mood. If she's not in the mood, try to get her in the mood instead of just submitting. If you both work and are busy all day, do it on a day off when you're not both tired from a day of work. Go out on a date or something I dunno, there's probably a ton of sources you can find to "turn your girl on."

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 08:07 ID:+0Lz1Kxh

Usually I would say...

3. Put it in.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 13:30 ID:qyfTiq1I

pull down her pants while shes making breakfast one day and stick it in her pooper, just do it. and are you retarded? you honestly think girls are gonna take initiative with sex? YOU do it, YOU take initiative, sex up the place and get her in the mood, find foods or watever that are aphodisiacs, or, you can drug her, whatever

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 16:18 ID:Heaven

I think you need to be a little rough with her. I'm not saying flat out raping her is the way to go but pinning her down and kissing her is always a good way to start

7 Name: 2 : 2006-05-13 17:54 ID:FetSmtDQ

Yeah, a good start to a break-up, a restraining order, and possibly a night or two (or more) in a cell courtesy of your local finest.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-13 18:54 ID:Hfpxo4VD


Do you have a reading block or something? The OP already stated he tried to take the initiative many times but she turned him down.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-14 15:49 ID:g8ZbVPOR

A lot of girls take the initiative. It's very enjoyable to experience..

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-15 03:33 ID:1+9X5hiJ

My woman always expected me to take the initiative, which didn't work particularly well, mainly because I always preferred her to. That was probably what resulted in the lack of sex in the first place.

11 Name: Jumper : 2006-05-15 23:57 ID:6gyeWKpt

I'd love to help, but I'm only 20, without a girlfriend anyhoo. So this is just stuff I read and agreed with. Perhaps as consideration.

As far as I know, relations change over time, and at some point the sexual drive of one or both partners can just give out. It's a new stage of a relation. However, you should find out why your girlfriend lost that drive. First you have to honestly answer the question (to yourself) whether it existed honestly on her part at all. It probably was, and if so, you'll have a good chance of bringing it back.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 00:32 ID:OfS4xMJM

Oh my god, you DO realize sex isn't everything don't you?

Shit man, learn to jack off or something.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 00:40 ID:yPGBD3ck

It is part of a healty relationship however

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 03:11 ID:Wp38clir


Not as much as you would think. How would YOU like it someone wanted to stick their dick into you on command. Believe or not it CAN be uncomfortable for a woman. Sometimes she just isn't wet enough down there or just doesn't feel like having a dick in her.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 04:42 ID:zEmBTQxc

>>14 that doesn't mean it's not part of a healthy relationship. In that situation sex isn't hurting the relationship, the man not caring if the woman is in the mood is.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 07:42 ID:Wp38clir

Dude. Listen. It's fun for guys I'm sure sticking their dicks into somebody else. But when YOU are the one getting a dick stuck in YOU it is a different tale to tell altogether. If you need servicing, learn to jerk off. Don't always try to get sex. Leave people alone. It does actually hurt for some women. A healthy relationship is two people getting along and knowing when to keep their damn hands to themselves.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 09:33 ID:Heaven

Want to tell us what this is REALLY about, darling?

18 Name: sage : 2006-05-16 13:48 ID:yl2E9k0B

>>14 >>16
You act as if no male has ever taken in in their pooper. Heard of a strap-on? Of course it hurts if someone just rams their dick in you, but why make it a straw man? No one is saying that women should service their partners at the men's behest, nor is anyone in this thread trying to get sex at every turn. Ffs, I wouldn't mind getting penetrated with a strap-on. I'm not entirely sure why you think it's a different tale if you are the penetrated, having been at the receiving end. Care to elaborate?

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 15:45 ID:6gyeWKpt

next time she opens that ole bottle of wine, don't have sex. play hard to get?

20 Name: sage : 2006-05-16 15:50 ID:om6Q1XCN


Not at all a bad idea. In fact she has even expressed dismay that I'm so easy.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 17:56 ID:XnL58qOz

a little humor

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-16 18:24 ID:lnjB1TBQ

>>21 wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

23 Name: Jumper : 2006-05-16 22:24 ID:6gyeWKpt

>>21 I adore you. Tell me your location, and I'll pray in that direction five times a day from now on ;)

>>20, after answering that to my questionpost 19, then simply following its suggestion might not be sufficient. If you're too easy (when did being easy ever become bad anyway?) that is a large problem which exerts itself in many ways.

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24 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-22 17:04 ID:xpb+xQDE

Yes! an interesting post!
How to heat up things to being like bunnies again.

Grant her a fantasy. Ask her to grant you a fantasy. Both willing, of course. (suggestion: as incredible as it may sound, teasing with S&M works. tie her up and let her crave for you.)

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-22 18:45 ID:6gyeWKpt

>>24 how about sex on top of a working elevator? it will take your sex life to new heights ;)

26 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-23 06:58 ID:6F6RhH69

>>21 now that is definitely some sweet revenge.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-25 12:52 ID:K14PMejM

She may be exhausted or fed up in her day-to-day life. Try helping her around the house and, in general, making her day better.

Also, try to open up emotionally and to make sure you are trustworthy and a soft, safe place for her to fall. Blaming, calling names and expressing your rage will only make the situation worse.

28 Name: Jumper : 2006-05-28 22:38 ID:6gyeWKpt

>>27 as far as I can tell, he already is talking to her on an emotional level, and perhaps already gets fed up with that. Your remedy is for those kind of relations that only don't fall apart because of the memories of better times.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 14:56 ID:BEZYpT24

When you provide a soft place to land she feels more in control. If she really wants to be with you, she'll want more of you. If she backs down then she probably didn't want you to begin with.

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30 Name: Jumper : 2006-05-29 17:20 ID:6gyeWKpt

Of course, >>29, but how soft do you like the matress on which you sleep? if its too soft, you'll get a back-ache. Know what I'm saying? Women want to know they can connect to their partner on an emotional plane, but they don't want him to be preoccupied with his emotions. Not too emo.

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31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 22:01 ID:OhlyOlT9

You're exaggerating what I said.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-29 22:30 ID:6gyeWKpt


33 Name: Cactus Tree : 2006-06-14 16:30 ID:/FTBpcNH

You shouldn't have moved in together.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-14 21:08 ID:6gyeWKpt

maybe. but how does that help him? He said it was normal around his place. But I also feel that it might not have been the greatest move

35 Name: timian : 2006-06-15 15:58 ID:0gd3Hyik

IMHO: The problem could be contraceptives! The P-pill simply kills the sexdrive. The same thing goes for the spiral too. Its to do with the all the hormones which upsets the balance of things in your partners body.

There is another thing too. Women are somehow programmed to want children. They may not be aware of it themselves, but its there. Sex without a chance of pregnancy may seem like a waste, but thats psychology and I'm not into that. Just a thought.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-15 18:06 ID:6gyeWKpt

So what do you propose? loose the pill and switch to condoms? Shouldn't be all too hard to convince her since they rarely have sex anyways.

But what if her sex drive never ended, but another guy is benefiting from it? Don't think someone asked that yet.

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37 Name: timian : 2006-06-16 19:44 ID:0gd3Hyik

> But what if her sex drive never ended, but another guy is
> benefiting from it? Don't think someone asked that yet.

Well, if the basic trust in gone, then what's left in a relationship? Can you trust your partner? Has he/she ever told a lie or how does he/she relate to lies in other circomstances?

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