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Sex (or lack thereof) in a relationship. (37)

1 Name: sage : 2006-05-11 11:34 ID:yl2E9k0B

I'd like the hive to weigh in on the following issue.

I've been with my current girlfriend for more than four years, and we've lived together for more than two years. The problem I'm facing is the lack of sex.

The situation currently is that we have sex once a month. It's been like this for a long time, and it's eating away at me. I've brought up the issue multiple times, but nothing ever seems to be resolved. Nothing changes.

When we first moved in, I was doing my compulsory military service, and we saw each other three or four weekends a month. Looking back, I can see that this time period is when the trouble started. Before we moved in, my girlfriend had a normal sex drive: after that, it took a nosedive.

Note that I am not equating sex with intercourse. That's not the issue. The problem is that there's just a general lack of sex. It's not that we're not intimate. We cuddle, we talk, but at no point does there she give off any kind of sexual energy. She doesn't grab my ass, she doesn't tell me I'm hot. There's nothing that tells me she has a libido. At least most of the time.

Once a month, she wakes up. I don't know whether she has a calendar or what, but she pulls down a wine bottle, we drink it, and soon afterwards she takes me to the bedroom. These times are the only ones when anything actually happens. Whenever I try to take the initiave, she ends up brushing me off. "I just wanna go to bed early.", she might say, or perhaps she'll say "You haven't done the dishes yet!".

This is slowly eating away at me. It's been like this for the past two years, and I'm getting tired of it. AFter we have sex, I'm happy for a few dates. I smile a lot, I feel confident. I feel closer to her. I feel hopeful, thinking that "maybe this is about to change?" After a while however, I notice that nothing actually changes. She's still as frigid as before and I end up getting turned down time after time. I'm not too good at dealing with constant rejection, so I just make fewer advances, instead opting to do other things than court her, such as play guitar or code or whatever.