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I like my best friend (102)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 15:58 ID:aglSe7mN

Well, I like this girl. She is my best friend. I don't know if I should tell her that I like her since she is in a relationship now, I think it may be inappropriate. I know it won't ruin our friendship and I know she'd go out with me.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 15:59 ID:aglSe7mN

It's a chemical imbalance. There are three outcomes...

1) She doesn't like you. You cry, and eventually become better
2) She does like you...your happy, stick it in her pooper, everyone wins

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 16:07 ID:q7/HKdXk

Well, if she is in a relationship now then I think you should just hold off. You should respect that fact that she is in a relationship, and not interfere (unless you had a good reason to, like she was being abused or something, but I assume she's not). If you do tell her, she might feel bad since she has to pick one over the other.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 16:11 ID:aglSe7mN

So I should wait till shes single or if shes unhappy in the relationship drop hints?

Thanks.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 16:17 ID:q7/HKdXk

Yes

I know if I was in a relationship and my best friend told me they liked me, I would feel kind of awkward. And I would be VERY careful around them, afraid of sending any signals that I might like them back.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 16:20 ID:Xcaac9MM

Do you want to be a rebound? Plus, if you're the reason that her current relationship doesn't work out, who's going to be the reason your relationship with her breaks up? Just wait.

Question: Are you one of the main people she goes to in regards to advice on her current relationship?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 16:40 ID:aglSe7mN

>>6
No

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 16:40 ID:aglSe7mN

>>5
I shall wait then.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 18:06 ID:aglSe7mN

Thanks guys

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 18:47 ID:s4N483Xc

>>7

that's a good start

11 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-02 19:31 ID:AForyWQb

>>10 what if the answer was YES?

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-02 23:27 ID:aglSe7mN

>>11
I was wondering about that too.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-03 04:56 ID:bPvejoxF

Since she is already in a relationship, you should probably not tell her. It is a very selish thing to do, and it puts her in an awkward situation.

Whether she feels the same or not, it is still pretty bad. What about the other guy? You never know how people will react.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-03 06:17 ID:QN2WKQ3w

Maybe you like her for the wrong reasons (eg: she's unattainable). Ithat case, the real thing won't live up to the fantasy. Just stop wanting her, leave yourself available for an even better female (one who won't appreciate you rambling on about how you're in love with your female friends).

15 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-06-03 20:50 ID:D3DS/wvL

I agree, hold off a bit. If you know she will go out with you under the right circumstance maybe she'll see she's better off with you than the guy she's currently with. Either way I'm with the rest of the folks here who say that you should wait.

16 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-04 18:12 ID:GmpnP5aR

While still answering on the previous question >>10 I asked...I agree with everyone else here. Do hold out a bit...and good luck!

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-05 07:48 ID:FEpVhaCH

I got a spin on the original poster's (>>1) post...

Been friends with a girl for about 2 years now...met her by chance on the basketball court and found many a coinsidence which brought us really close in a few short months (i.e., Parents knew each other, know same friends, play ball in same places etc). At the time, I really just considered her a friend...and someone else I think I should look out for (it's a common thing for me, I seem to care a lot for my friends in an overly protective way).

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18 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-06-05 20:07 ID:D3DS/wvL

Wow >>17 and I thought I was the only one who gets into these kind of situations. I'm glad I'm not alone. ;) Nonetheless, not an easy choice. A huge part of you is dying to love her and truly hoping that she'd love you back. But it's just hard to say. Not much of advice here, just empathizing.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-05 21:00 ID:s4N483Xc

>>17

but how will you know she's ready to date again? I don't think she's going to declare it. maybe she's just waiting for someone to help her be ready again. I'm just worried you're going to wait to long and by the time she's "ready" she'll be dating someone else again.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-06 00:12 ID:9btnde8i

>>13
Sometimes being selfish is necessary though, otherwise it's just the other person hogging all the selfishness to themselves.

21 Name: >>17 : 2006-06-06 01:51 ID:FEpVhaCH

well, RedMuppet, am also glad to know that I am not alone in this. And >>19, thanks for the reminder..I also am aware of that fact. Guess it''s up to me on making a move or not.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-06 21:54 ID:bPvejoxF

>>20

No, no one is hogging anything if both give and accept. It is only hogging if one only accepts but never gives.

23 Name: 19 : 2006-06-06 22:22 ID:s4N483Xc

>>21

i'm not trying to push you or anything. I'm glad you're making the decision yourself instead of just doing what people tell you. It's just from my personal experience, things are very delicate at this point and there are so many ways for this to go wrong. more ways for it to go wrong than right.

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24 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-07 10:54 ID:FEpVhaCH

I don't get the LoTR reference...but the rest of your comments I understand, >>23.

I am thinking about the friendship in this case....coz this girl has been a big influence on my life since 2yrs ago. I'm a totally different person than when I first met her, and all because she was willing to be friends with me.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-07 14:28 ID:coalPz6k

>>24
I'm the OP, this girl means a lot to me and I have changed a lot since I met her. She has helped me out a lot. I wouldn't want to lose her. I have decided to wait and then tell her, I know (or hope) that if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same way, it won't ruin our friendship.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-07 15:07 ID:doW9BQj0

she aint worth it - kill the bitch

27 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-07 18:34 ID:q71rrgFL

ignores >>26

To >>25, you'll wait and tell her? How long a wait you mean?

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-07 19:28 ID:s4N483Xc

if she doesn't feel the same way about you, be sure you're going to be able to get over her while in the friendship. it seems being so close to someone, it's hard to do anything but have those feelings deepen. in which case, there will come a point (perhaps tomorrow, perhaps years down the road) when you still have those feelings and everything goes wrong and begins changing you for the worst and twists you inside.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-07 23:31 ID:tU+5UFSA

>>27
Until she's single or unhappy in the relationship she curently has. I won't wait forever though.

30 Name: ThaRealDensha : 2006-06-08 03:08 ID:inlK9nuE

I was in a situation like this once, but the friendship (Really strong, by the way) had developed before the love interest did. After I was finally set up to ask her out, I had found out she had
gotten' a boyfriend a month before. I knew something bad about the boyfriend that would greatly upset her...and I held it in forever. Then one day, she was upset with her boyfriend...and I told her what I knew. She was really mad and was on the brink of breaking up with him. I asked her out that night...but she had said she could not..she said that maybe if I had asked her out before, she would have said yes. She just could not. My point is, girls become very attached after a month or two, and at that point, I feel one can only let it dissolve. I have a girlfriend now, but not that girl. Why don't you show her that you can be a better boyfriend? Be funny, and witty. Do something cool in front of her. Say something deep, or mix something up in the conversation about how you see life, and maybe mention how you would treat a girl. Make her think about the fact that there may be better guys out there for her. Ganbaruze!

31 Name: Anonymous : 2006-06-08 05:01 ID:tU+5UFSA

>>30
Are you two still friends?

32 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-08 06:35 ID:FEpVhaCH

My question, too...

33 Name: ThaRealDensha : 2006-06-08 18:16 ID:inlK9nuE

Yes, we are. Not as much as before...but that's only because we started hanging out with new people. We hung out just as usual two weeks after the event until we became interested in different friend "groups".

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-09 16:18 ID:iAamlt7b

The same thing happened to me a while back.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-09 18:06 ID:q71rrgFL

Same in what way? Did you confess to your best friend?

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-09 18:14 ID:iAamlt7b

>>35
I asked her out and she said she would have said yes if I had asked her out before.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-10 06:38 ID:Heaven

>>36
That was a lie. You can't believe everything people tell you, especially not what girls you're "hitting" on say

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-10 07:06 ID:s4N483Xc

>>37

many a stalker follow that same philosphy :P

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39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-10 07:27 ID:Heaven

>>38
I assume you know from first-hand experience :-)

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-12 06:57 ID:Mw4NxZan

I have to agree with >>37 girls who are eager and "don't want to hurt the guy's feelings" end up telling all manner of lies

41 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-12 09:50 ID:FEpVhaCH

Eager?

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-13 03:33 ID:nqmbrOPl

OP here. What if she ever asks me if I like her (wgile she is in a relationship)? Should I be honest and tell her or wait like you guys said?

43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-13 05:02 ID:MpRXKfGI

Seeing that you don't know to yes or no to that question OP, just avoid it, with a bullshit answer. Ask her if she feels insecure about the relationship she is in and if she is trying to subsitute the lack of affection from her current relationship with yours asking that question. And ask her if you said no, would she feel even more alone because noone likes her, then say yes to make her feel better.

44 Name: holdincourt : 2006-06-13 06:08 ID:FEpVhaCH

Isn't that the equivalent of "leading her on?"

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-20 14:20 ID:CGSwyzoo

OP here.

We have been hanging out a lot lately. Somehow we got into the subject and she said that if she had the chance she would go out with me. :D

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-20 17:15 ID:ciMsYpgi

wouldn't that be your queue to CREATE the chance?

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-20 17:29 ID:s4N483Xc

>>11
then you'd be in the same boat as me and well...you're fucked.

>>45 I don't know...sounds like she's just leading you on. Either she leaves the other guy for you, or she doesn't. this "oh i'd go out with you if I had the chance" sounds like BS to me.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-20 20:39 ID:2o5FEnCc

>>47 I don't know. I will keep this updated.

Thanks guys.

49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-21 05:39 ID:s4N483Xc

I can tell you from experience, it will only end in tears.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-21 13:10 ID:4Vr8e2ZB

She asked me if I like her. I told her that I do like her. :D

>>49 :[

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-22 01:07 ID:U1FeMDSg

I'm currently going out with the girl who was (and still is) my best friend. We have our ups and downs, and things were really rocky at the start... but we pretty much live together now. It all depends on your situation. I had liked her a long time ago, but I put it away and even set her up with one of my friends. They went out for a year and eventually broke up. We got closer, and one day she just came out of the blue and told me that she liked me. (Actually it was one night about 3am we were working on a project together before the end of the semester, and she phoned my house. Angry dad inquired in the morning XD;;) I've learned things about her that I never even knew. She's made me the happiest person alive. Sure, I don't hang out with some of my friends as much as I used to but... she's worth it. I know it seems like this won't get sorted out for some of you guys, but sometimes there are happy endings to this stuff. Just hang in there!

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-22 10:45 ID:mDLs4hUK

I think you are better off having told her that you liked her, I missed an opportunity similar to this before and I still regret it. We eventually lost touch because I couldn't deal with seeing her with her idiot boyfriend.
You have been braver than me, I salute you and hope I hope it all works out for you

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-22 10:45 ID:mDLs4hUK

I think you are better off having told her that you liked her, I missed an opportunity similar to this before and I still regret it. We eventually lost touch because I couldn't deal with seeing her with her idiot boyfriend.
You have been braver than me, I salute you and hope I hope it all works out for you

54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-24 03:13 ID:YikyWRFX

The girl I like told me that she likes me.

I was talking to a friend earlier. She knows I like my best friend.

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55 Name: Chill-Anon : 2006-06-24 14:53 ID:k0lp9ikf

Ask her out,and... unless her boyfriend is a cool guy.... BUT if he's lame just go ask her out.

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-25 02:54 ID:PAVzFGdS

>>55 I don't really know him. He doens't seem like Cool Guy. But I've been thinking about a lot of stuff and maybe I should just forget about it.

57 Name: Chill-Anon : 2006-06-25 02:59 ID:nKVDecVP

-_- If you forget about it now, you'll regret it later
ACT ON IT!!!

58 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-25 03:16 ID:PAVzFGdS

I don't know. I feel really sad and lonely now. I know that my feelings for her won't ruin our friendship and perhaps I may have a chance with her. I don't know what to do. I've been thinking about this too much. I feel sick, my head hurts really bad. I feel like I want to throw up.

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59 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-25 03:16 ID:PAVzFGdS

>>57 How can I act on it? She has a bf. I have never done this before. I don't know what to do.

60 Name: Chill-Anon : 2006-06-25 03:24 ID:nKVDecVP

How serious is her relation ship with this other guy?

61 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-25 09:54 ID:PAVzFGdS

>>60 How could I find out? I don't really told to her about and I rarely see him. :\

Also, I was thinking about what my friend told me and maybe he's trying to discourage me from pursuing this because he thinks I am gonna get hurt. Maybe.

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62 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-25 09:54 ID:PAVzFGdS

*talk to her about..

63 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-25 09:56 ID:PAVzFGdS

*I meant "How could I find out? I don't really talk to her about him or her relationships and I rarely see him. :\" I'm half-asleep. --;

64 Name: sinner : 2006-06-25 14:27 ID:ExJNQN59

Are you stupid?
Just ask the girl out.

No wait, just tell her how you feel.

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65 Name: sinner : 2006-06-25 14:29 ID:ExJNQN59

Even if her boyfriend is cool or he's a bully who will beat you to a pulp, just tell her and be a man for god's sake.

66 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-26 01:46 ID:+8TNQoZG

>>64 >>65 I already told her about my feelings.

67 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-26 04:53 ID:s4N483Xc

if she said no, then it's time to move on. hang around and things will only get worse.

68 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-26 05:28 ID:+8TNQoZG

>>67 She said she likes me back. But that she thinks she shouldn't since I am her best friend and she is going out with someone.

69 Name: sinner : 2006-06-26 08:37 ID:LM1oVC2b

Tell her that you also thought about that, but that you still want a relationship with her because you think you'll regret it if you don't try.

Also say that you'll always be her best friend no mather what.

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70 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-27 03:43 ID:+8TNQoZG

I've been thinking a lot lately. I feel better now. I am just gonna go for it. I have a chance with her. Even if the relationship doesn't work, I know that we will remain close. And even if she chooses for us to remain friends, it's still cool, I appreciate our friendship. It's a win-win situation.

71 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-27 04:35 ID:Rr8uDbL9

Go for it!! Good on ya!

72 Name: sinner : 2006-06-27 11:42 ID:LM1oVC2b

That's the spirit.

73 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-27 13:54 ID:eydW+0fv

and remember to tell us what happened

74 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-27 15:57 ID:+8TNQoZG

I won't forget to post whatever happens. Thank you al for your support and advice.

75 Name: KIRA : 2006-06-27 19:02 ID:EvSGNdin

IKE!!!! Combate!!! =)

76 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-28 04:18 ID:+8TNQoZG

I am going to hang out with her tomorrow. We are having some friends with us too. But her boyfriend is gonna be there. _| ̄|○

77 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-28 05:30 ID:weoAHivC

>>76
Challenge him to a duel for her hand in marriage!

78 Name: KIRA : 2006-06-28 06:21 ID:vqavQqba

challenge him to pistols on sunset. that would settle everything.

79 Name: sinner : 2006-06-28 07:20 ID:ExJNQN59

"I am going to hang out with her tomorrow. We are having some friends with us too. But her boyfriend is gonna be there. _| ̄|○"

Not cool, but it's a good opportunity to talk to the guy.

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80 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-29 01:09 ID:uqvgKrnx

I am back from the park. Her bf was there so I didn't really talk to her a lot since he was all over her most of the time. I don't think I can bring myself to tell him. I don't know why but I am scared. I am not afraid of him hurting me but of her getting mad at me. I don't know. we hung out all afternoon. Then I got home and everytime I have a fun time I feel bad about it, I don't know why but I feel really sad. Today she hugged me, which is not unusual, but today she kissed me on the cheek. :D

81 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-29 01:17 ID:JbyoIt4y

You fool.
what if she gets rid of her boyfriend for you, what are the chances she will get rid of you one day for another guy?

anyway. every minute you are with her and her boyfriend is there too, its a signal every minute that you are ok with them being in love with each other. don't go if want her. wait it out.

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82 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-29 01:36 ID:JbyoIt4y

in no way did I propose a homicide! ^^^

83 Name: sinner : 2006-06-29 09:10 ID:ExJNQN59

Don't listen to them, make up your mind and go for it.
If it doesn't work out, it doesn't, too bad.

Even if I'm a fool, I rather be a fool in love than a coward.

84 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-29 21:06 ID:s4N483Xc

>>51 you are a really lucky person.

but really, you have to get it over with asap. ask her out or whatever. the longer ou hold onto it, the worst things will get. then one day, she'll be going out with some other guy and you won't be able to put it down even if you want to.

85 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-06-30 10:21 ID:zcfxDU/U

uh no offence, but what kind of a girl kisses other guys behind their bf's back? i am just questioning her authenticity especially because you seem like a vulnerable guy who hasn't had much exp with girls.

i smell a fish..

86 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-01 04:50 ID:s4N483Xc

85 may have a point...

87 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-01 05:37 ID:dUpeyzL8

>>85
Fishy? Yes.

In which case, forget about the skank. The best case scenerio: She'll laugh in your face and leave you with the dinner/breakfast bill.

88 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-14 03:25 ID:721TW9hE

We were hanging out yesterday, she had to leave and when I was walking her to her ride home, she grabbed my hand and we held hands for a few moments. I am confused.

89 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-14 04:33 ID:JoevTYgf

>>88

WTF are you doing, and all your shithead supporters here? Do you people have spines or is it all dick holding you up straight?

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90 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-08 19:12 ID:ZBIsWKlf

He just broke up with her. I feel bad, I don't know why.

-OP

91 Name: TokyoJapan22 : 2006-08-08 23:24 ID:syZ2jtxE

Now's your chance. HE broke up with HER. So you should try to help her out through the whole breaking up thing. AND THEN, tell her how you feel. This chance only comes 1 in a million years.

92 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-08 23:30 ID:ZBIsWKlf

>>91
Yeah, we are gonna go to a concert soon. Just us. :] And school starts soon so I will be with her a lot more.

93 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-09 08:59 ID:Heaven

>>91
oh nice move. guaranteed friend-zone.

94 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 00:45 ID:h3tYKstB

she just broke up = free game

say you like her and.......STICK IT IN HER POOPER! end of story

95 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-16 01:24 ID:Y8BJqCTf

I don't see why she would do the same thing to him. Just because she's been acting friendlier doesn't mean she's a slut, but probably is confused and has lost interest in her (now ex) boyfriend. Besides, she probably feels safer/more confident/whatever with OP than with any other guy, so she may have told her former boyfriend something about OP and her feelings toward him that angered the guy, leading to the break up.

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96 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 02:58 ID:u6nFvwJF

>>89
this is the only dude i agree with in this entire thread. remember, when she changes her mind about you, she'll do it the same way she changed her mind about the last guy.

97 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-16 08:15 ID:z3iCmEBQ

>>81>>89
read >>95

I too have sort of been in the situation. I was in a bad relationship for several years with a spineless and greedy bastard who tried to have the cake and eat it at the same time (refusing to dump me when he clearly no longer loved me, wanting to have some sort of backup girlfriend if any of the dates with some other girl would backfire), and I didn't get out of it because I was desperately and blindly hoping he'd return to being the same way as when I first met him (i really would have needed 4-ch to exist back then to shake some sense into me). Alas, to no avail. There was a cute guy I really liked, my best friend for several years in fact. At one point, I kissed him, and found out that he too had feelings for me. We've been together ever since (and it's been several years now). We're very happy, and we're even engaged.

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98 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 08:06 ID:tmdqldsP

>>89 speaks the truth.

99 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-25 14:39 ID:Heaven

>>89
I think it's cool how you have Joe in your i.d

100 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-26 04:40 ID:Heaven

>>89 is KAMI!

101 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-27 01:33 ID:Heaven

>>100
congrats anonymous get

102 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-09-20 23:58 ID:eftxPDR5

:( FISSION MAILED

-OP