As those who've read my posts here might know, I'm currently trying to go for this girl at my work. I have gotten pretty good encouragements from pplz here telling me to go for it. But recently, I tried to sms the girl. She did tell me before that her mother is using her phone atm, and she's on prepaid and I'm on plan, but so far, none of my sms were replied. Considering all these so far, is it a bad sign?
perhaps it's not the case with this girl, but i have to say that i've used this excuse before.
I try to tell myself that. But because she didnt reply I sms her around 3 times (with a few hours in between... I think). And her msn was on Idle so I send her a message and send some more, went off came back and sent some more but no one replied. She might or might not have read my messages. I did sms telling her her msn is still on, and a few hours later it went offline but still no reply. Did I weird her out? I really hope I didnt.
i think that you may have. I have been involved in a situation like this before and it is worrying when you get sent many messages in a day or two
Send her a message once and wait a few days for a reply, if she doesn't reply, send another one. By the way, stick to one thread.
Tomorrow I'll see her at work. I'll see how it goes.
Agreed with >>6, you shouldn't be SMS-ing or msging her so often in a day...just from reading your original post, makes you sound desperate and needy.
Well, he is. I think he should give up. And above all he should stop posting here or, if he must keep posting, he shouldn't make 5 threads about the same shit he is failing at.
Word, the fact that you are posting so much shit means you are nervous/scared/insure. She will see it and you won't have much luck. Just calm down.
What everyone else is trying to say (I hope) is learn self-restraint and patience. Seriously, if you continue to pursue it the way you are, then you might end up scaring her and pushing her away.
When we all mentioned for you to make time to see her and spend time with her, we didn't say "pursue like a dog chasing the mailman's truck", just take your time. If she isn't replying, she must have a reason...and you need to face the truth that one of those reasons may be because it is you who is texting/msging.
Well, I actually am nervous, scared and unsure. But that doesnt matter now. I screwed it ... again... makes me wonder abt the value of me as a person. Thing is, today she was supposed to work and I was asked to take over someone else's day today. She worked last night, she must have seen the roster for this week coz she skipped today's. And ID:heaven, I only posted in different threads coz what I was wanting to talk abt was different from the subject in the thread title. And perhaps I'm desperate, I mean, I tried at least 8 times (I guess "so what?" would be everyone's reply), and each time I tried a different approach (in my opinion) but none works. Kinda makes me afraid being single is what I will be for life... Do one need a complete personality overhaul in a situation like mine? Or can I still be true to myself and still get a girl?
Well, if you're nervous, scared and unsure...can't help ya there. Something you need to figure out yourself.
Suggest trying to find something else to occupy your time (if you aren't already), coz if you are focusing your thoughts and daily routine on a girl...that "KINDA" makes you obsessive, no offense.
thanks for that holdincourt, maybe better luck next girl
over-thinking, damn me and my obsession with trying to see hidden meanings
By the way; "ID:Heaven" is not a specific poster, it is simply the ID given to a sage'd post (a post where the poster has chosen to not bump the thread)
Well, it's how I can tell you apart from the other anonymous pplz
wait, D.Otoko-no-ko, how have you screwed things with this girl up?
Well holdincourt, I'm not 100% sure but I'm being ignored by the girl. Possibly coz I might have weird her out or something... But I still gonna make sure on Thursday since she did not cross it out... haha, even one of the chef at work was trying to get me and the girl together... I dont seem to stand a chance. I did try to call her last night to see if she want to do something today but since there's no reply, it more or less confirm my suspicions. Stupid perhaps but I've been at this for since junior high and each time I dont get a reply it ususally mean I've been blown away.
and to be specific about how I screwed up, holdincourt. All I did was just 1) she phoned me to tell our bosslady she can't make it to work coz she's ill so I sms her after work asking if she's better. 2) I thought she might be just pulling a sickie to get off work so I asked if she wanna do anything on Saturday since she's free. 3) I didnt receive a reply so when I came home I saw her MSN was on. Even though status said idle, I msn her asking if she received my email. No reply and it seems that it was accessed not from her usual msn. So I msn her some more asking if there is any1 in front of the comp. I msn her again after I came back from hanging out with my friend, no reply. 4) Next morning, her MSN was still on so I send another message to see if she's there. No reply. 5) So I sms her again saying her MSN is still on. After a while her MSN went offline. 5) As I pointed out b4, I'm not sure but the girl may have seen that I'm rostered on Monday along with her, and may have cancelled the work that day bcoz of that. I checked the cards from last sunday, it might not have been busy because she finished around 10:30pm so her cancelling work couldnt have been bcoz she was dead tired or something...
Did it ever occur to you that she may just be busy? I mean, her mom is in town and she could spending time with her, or its just a busy time for her. Maybe thats why she changed her schedule too, to accommodate for something else. You can still save this, just lay back for about a week. Don't feel pressured you have to talk to her every day, even though there is that other guy, you two work at the same place and will eventually run into each other. So for now, calm down, or else things are going to get from bad to worse. Just hold off from calling her and talk to her in person.
yeah, I have msn, didnt I post that on the MSN thread in General section?
in case it's lost, it's Darth_Darimus@hotmail.com
dude... you sent requests for a date by email at several times? I dunno about her, but I hate spam.
eh? I never said I sent requests for a date by email several times? What r u on abt?
ok. sorry. msn and sms spamming then
oh, if it's that, I wasnt requesting a date via msn or sms. 1) SMS: just asked if she is ok since she said she was not feeling well so she didnt go to work and also because her msn was on overnite when usually she logs off. 2) MSN: I only asked if she was online, when 1st no reply I said my ttyl and went out. Came home, still online so again see how she was doing when no reply I just asked twice if there is actually some1 on the other side. Next morning her msn was still on which i find strange so msn her again... even so I would hardly call it spamming. A bit too much in a day or two but it's not like I constantly bombarded her with messages.
Today I happen to see the girl on my way to the bus station from work. She was all dressed up and she was with a white guy, who was not so dressed up. I was practically right next to her as she came towards my direction but she either didnt see me as she walked past me or she was ignoring me on purpose. As she walked closer I looked at her hoping she would say hi or something but I swear I saw her eyes looked to another direction... I dont know if I'm just paranoid or what, perhaps I will get confirmation with her behaviour tomorrow at work.... sigh
dunno, Desp.Otoko. Sounds like she is being a ***** and just ignoring you on purpose. You might have to prepare yourself to move on...
Speaking of moving on, a friend once commented that each time I tried to hit on a girl and got blown, a few weeks after I have another 'target'. My friend's point was that I seem to never commit to anything, is that a fair perception though? I mean, I can't stay pining for a girl forever (I did once, almost throughout my highschool years).
Please tell me you're not really asking a girl out through either sms or msn.
You friend is right, and there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. No point on staying on a girl if you know you are going no where. The best thing for you is to move on.
>>33 When I ask the girl out the 1st time (read the thread "How soon is too soon") I did use sms to ask her out to lunch and she came on MSN to confirm it. Yes yes I know abt the 'class system', a friend already told me abt it: in person face2face is 1st class, on phone is 2nd class, msn is 3rd class and sms is 4th class.
We were just work friends then (still are, or not), so there really is nothing wrong with asking through sms is there?
Nothing wrong if you want to get rejected. Its best to ask in person, if not the phone. Nothing beyond that.
Well, at that situation then, I couldnt have ask her in person.
>>39 what situation would that be? You could have been patient and just waited to ask her out over the phone or face-2-face, but you went ahead and asked her through SMS.
Again, patience, man...you really need to learn that NOW!
See, the day I sent the sms she was free from work. If I delayed it to another dayI wouldnt have been able to go out with her at all.
Anyways, today @ work when she saw me she was waving and saying "hey, long time no see". I mentioned abt yesterday and she told me she really couldnt see me, that I should've said hi (I would have but I wanted to see if she noticed me). She then later asks "You thought I was ignoring you didnt you? Did your inside feels knotty? Were you unhappy?" I didnt answer her (wise decision?)
PS. I also asked her abt the time last week when her msn was on for ages. She said she was never online, said perhaps it was her lil sis back in HK. Asked her abt the phone too, seems to be still with her mum.
Anyways, all in all, I dont know if I should believe her or not coz I have experience b4 that girls can lie through their teeth because they dont wanna 'hurt your feelings'.
frigid onanoko, can't tell... >_< Information too ambiguous. Everything = possible still. Have courage, boy!
Yesterday at work, I asked the girl out to a movie. At first she said maybe, coz if her mother goes out then she have to stay back to look after her grandpa. When I got home, her sister rang me, by mistake, but then tells me that the girl says that she wont be free that night.
Is it a sign I was rejected? The girl did tell me she would call me but got her sis to do it instead. But when I think abt it, how come her sis can't stay back and look after their grandpa?
Well... since she gave you a positive response last time, then it means she hasn't written you out yet. She did warn you that since her mom is there, she wouldn't have alot of free time and this excuse is consistant with it.
Well, she phoned me tonight, again asking if I could help her out with telling our bosslady she can't go to work tomorrow (I sure hope she isnt calling me only when she need something). Turned out she couldnt go last night coz she was asked to work. Anyways, I told her to give me a call again when she knows what days she is off. She said ok so I'll have to see. And I end up not helping her this time asking for leave from our bosslady. Just gave her the restaurant's phone number and told her to call up herself, coz I'm beginning to suspect she might be another one of those girls who only calls me up when they need something from me (I had a few experiences of such pplz)
How many times has she called you up just for a favor? Its possible she trusts you and wants your help, I've had that experience before, girls trust people who are just generally nice to them.
The best thing to do is just oblige her and see where it goes, don't make calls like "she only calls me when she wants something" without really looking at the evidence, you don't want to make that mistake.
Well, this would be the 2nd time. Yes I know I'm making hasty judgement but part of me is sick of being used. Guess my experiences have made me paranoid. Well, I did help the girl though, just not the do everything for her kind of help.
I know where Desp.Otoko is comin' from on his point of 'being used'.
I think in this case, though, you did right by helping her out. Its only bad when she keeps calling ya for stupid things and getting your 'opinion'.
Well, problem is now she is working somewhere else during day and my workplace at night, when I'm not there
This is stupid, if she really gave a shit about then you she would have made time for you. It's far more likely that she's uninterested in going out with you and mildly creeped out. Trying to ask someone out through msn or sms makes you seem obsessive and pathetic, that's a clear sign from the start to her that you have no confidence and if her first impression is that you are unconfident and pathetic then she definitely will try to avoid anything that resembles going out with you. If you had been confident and talked to her in person about everything then you might have had a chance but now it's far more likely that you're a possible emotional tampon for her at best and an irritant at worst.
well >>54, as I said, if I waited to ask her in person, I wouldn't have another chance since she took that day off from work when usually she works almost everyday. Would that have been better then, missing a chance?
Actually speaking to her over the phone was the other option mentioned...
But I almost stammer! Almost like Densha!
Get over the stammer, or work through it. SMS or MSN date asking will just make you a laughing stock.
How is stammering like Densha going to help you? Did you fight a man on the train to protect a woman? NO stop acting like him. You are not Densha! It seems like you are sinking faster than the Titanic and there is nothing to stop the leak. Learn from your mistakes. Don't be so desperate and needy, that is a real turn off. I mean, you can get annoying sometimes, and I am a guy. I'm not going to lie, you probably lost her. The best you can do is hope she has a cute friend and go after her.
Don't worry, if she fucks you, who gives a shit? You'll get fucked over like a little bitch for opening up and taking chances, fact of life, you just have to learn to deal with it. Just set your mind to that she is a nice person, that she has good reasons whenever things don't play into your hands and if you with certainty eventually find out it is not so, realize that the only one who have done something wrong is her, you have nothing to feel embarassed about because you have not even suspected her for being a bitch, your intentions and thoughts have been pure.
quit masturbating? because it not pure?. Whatever is pure about sex anyway? Another nutcase christianophile, you, do you even manage yourself what you preach?
but frigid onanoko sees good point also in >>61. Try open up. What that mean? you get less risk-adverse! (FO is economist....;) meaning you less afraid if you screw up... sux. Frigid onanoko also has hard time doing this.
Whatever is dirty about sex? Nothing but our faithless, rapist minds, disregarding the reality of things to satisfy it's desires on whatever it pleases, if that is the case. However, love transforms a person to immidiately build a ground for fidelity and committment, from the very center of our being. If this ground is undermined even in your own mind, already before love has been answered, it will set the tone for how your entire relationship will be lived out. You must have felt how love cleans your soul sometime, no? Or were you so hooked on your own sexdrive that you didn't bother to give a shit?
>>60 no I'm not trying to be like Densha. But I do get all tongue tied when I'm talking with the girl who I want to go out with. I guess every guy has that but yes I have lil confidence which is why I go behind the mobile or msn. It sucks I know. But yeah, confidence is built from successes and I dont have much of that.
>>62 frigid onanoko just got fed up reading freud for sociology. Now you write same nonsensical... mumbo-cheapsciencefictionthemes-jumbo... mähhh :-( but evaded question:
>you, do you even manage yourself what you preach?
Okay, like the first 5 times I asked out a girl I got rejected. If confidence is built on success, then I would have no confidence. Actually by all those rejections, I just got use to the hassle of asking out a girl. By the 6th time I didn't stammer, I didn't sweat, I was calm and cool because I was there so many times and I have been rejected so many times, that I knew what to expect and it wasn't a big deal to hear 'no.' When I was calm and cool (basically acting like my normal self), then I started to get success.
Desperate Otoko, me, I also pessimistic about situation :-(
From what I can tell the situation since your first post nearly two weeks ago has shown no improvement whatsoever. Right now you are chasing a girl of whom you don't seem to even know if she'll remain interesting in the medium to long run, as you didn't proceed beyond small talk yet, as far as I know. Furthermore, I can't dismiss the feeling that you are approaching this situation half-heartedly since the majority of your posts express great doubt about the viability of pursuing this girl.
mmm... hang on a min, what do you mean by "beyond small talk"? And well, I guess I'm approaching this girl half-heartedly coz the last time I tried not to be half hearted I almost went into depression for a whole year.
>what do you mean by "beyond small talk"?
have you ever had a conversation with her on a different plane than simple banter?
well, I'm a bit dense so perhaps you can enlighten me as to what do you mean by "on a different plane than simple banter"?
so do you think you and her ever talked about stuff personal to her?
was there ever such a time that she talked to you, not because there was nothing else to do but because she wanted to?
what do you mean personal stuff? Talked abt her sis' friends and her mother for a bit during the lunch thing.
To the second question, I really wouldnt know if she talking to me is just for time filler or because of wanting to talk to me.
By personal stuff, Secret Admirer means things that she would not normally tell people.
waah! me gave you advice. If you not gonna be decisive in any way, frigid onanoko be bored. Wanna see action! either yes or no will do, but not this void of doubt. something! you can wait when you're dead. You ask for help, then don't just neglect our input-do you know I alone spent half an hour thinking and typing post >>69 together??? and other people also spend their time here, for you.
This isn't about you, your expectations and whatever time you choose to invest here, it's about the person we are trying to help. Give the guy a break, it's shit easy to be smart when you're not entrailed by painful emotions, it's easy to say "act" when you don't feel like you've got the world on your shoulders. A crush can make you fly if it is well fed, it can also bring you to your knees if it's not. "Love" is obsession and if it goes badly it can turn ugly.
Listen to this person, they know their stuff.
>This isn't about you, your expectations and whatever time you choose to invest here, it's about the person we are trying to help.
>>77, I know that. Frigid onanoko wanna help first of all. But I have right to be disdained. Desparate otoko is 23yrs, not a child anymore. Should I tolerate childish behaviour from a man who asks for help? Only if he has a motivation to do stuff. Remember this is a bulletinboard... you can think twice before you write, instead of reacting on the first thought entering your mind. He doesn't seem to do that. Besides, I think the duty of an OP is to respond to ideas that are entered here.
I'm aware that I don't have any experience in this sort of thing. However this isn't related to this thread, but I'm curious to know something about Desperate Otoko. I acknowledged that you have asked a lot of girls out but none of them would go out with you, I happen to wonder why.... since I know that appearance plays a big part in success.... no offense but how do you look?
Sorry for not reply, I was at a friend's house for the past few days. Frigid, yeah, I know what you are getting at, less thinking and more doing right? I'm trying to do that but I still need to know what do people mean by certain things.
>>81 I'm 1.65cm tall, wear no glasses. My dress style is the loose kind since I hate tight fitting clothes but a friend commented that it made me look more younger than I really am. Not to mention that being an azn, my true age doesnt show.
>>Desperate otoko (no ko)
Really I don't have any rights to give you advice if you have already read my other posts throughout this forum. But I'll try to offer some seeing that you seem you try your best not to go down and I respect that. Maybe you should try wearing tight fitting clothes, which I know is against your preferance. I have intuitiveness to your response as you said that your friend comment it made you look younger.. and if the girls likes a more mature look, then maybe it is time for you to change your fashion style. But you cannot be sure and thats the thing you need decide on. And maybe adopt a more aggressive and active approach, seeing that you attitude is bit soft and that your co-workers commented that you don't have a personality. If you have seen Shuffle, you could see Shia(Lithianthus) changed her attitude to much more aggresive and literally took control of the date. I think you need to not ask a date but demand one. And work on your muscles too, you need to fight other guys if necessary to own the girl. Some girls can't get through the message that you like her by being soft, maybe you need to place the girl to where she belong, and if she doesn't follow make her suffer or abuse your power and make her fear you.
>Give the guy a break, it's shit easy to be smart when you're not entrailed by painful emotions
>>77, do you really think he needs a break? au contraire, I'd say he needs a break from his break! Don't you think desparate otoko comes here to hear advice untainted by such emotions?
You have to learn to be strait forward with women. They like to play the games, they don't like YOU to play the games on them. You must show her exactly how you feel in a pseudo-machismo/emotional way (depending on her mood.) You need to take a gdamned risk. Girls like it when you stick your neck out on the line for them. Lay it out on the table with confidence. Find a way to gear yourself up so you can be confident. Think of the bigger picture of life, and how your life does not end no matter what the outcome.
Life works in weird ways I think bcoz even though the girl @ work still maintain a distance wif me I think I was given another deal. It seems that at my anime club there's this girl who has a thing for me, when I weigh the possibilties I have decided to go with the girl from the anime club instead. I appreciated everyone's advice in this thread, and I will take them into this relationship.
Keep us posted, I guess. Good luck.