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Feeling Lost, Hopeless (27)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-22 23:54 ID:3cbhEXEq

Hi all,

I am new to this and I need your advice, I am in a relationship with my gf who is currently abroad at the moment, and will be for the next 2-3 months. It seems that she doesn't trust me...and wants me to go aboard to where she lives. She keeps mentioning over the phone that she could have choosen anyone she wants since she is currently working at a tv station, where she sees all sorts of celebrities, but she choose me because she loves me and tells everyone that she has a Bf.

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2 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-23 00:46 ID:3cbhEXEq

~Bleh~ do I sound like a bad guy? ^^;;

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-23 01:02 ID:LOdafuXe

if you have friends you can trust and who know her, ask them. btw

4 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-23 01:10 ID:3cbhEXEq

Well the thing is her friend and mine (who introduced us) dont want to have anything to do with us anymore, her friend was trying to split us up apparently, by saying that shes not good for me and vice versa

other than that theres no one that I know I can trust and know her well enough.

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5 Name: Strawberry Cake : 2006-07-23 01:19 ID:aztxHwtZ

Perhaps you should tell her how you feel about all this... She's sounding kinda unfair. If she can't trust you more, really, why is she with you? You sound like a really nice guy and if she's making you feel like that maybe you should consider finding someone else...

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-23 01:43 ID:agdxr3Cz

>>1 She keeps mentioning over the phone that she could have choosen anyone she wants since she is currently working at a tv station

Sounds like she's manipulating you.

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7 Name: Andrei : 2006-07-23 01:47 ID:e1Iyo2e8

Dude, she's totally acting like a child. Put your foot down, and tell her to cut this out. This is manipulative and unfair, and if you don't get her to stop, it could snowball into somethin' seriously evil dude.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-23 01:53 ID:3cbhEXEq

That thought has come across my mind a few times, but I dont want it to end like this, since I personally dont think its enough to end a relationship.

I am afraid to mention this to her because it'll just create another fight, which I dont have to strength to deal with at the moment.

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9 Name: 3 : 2006-07-23 02:08 ID:LOdafuXe

hmm. sounds like you are afraid that because you aren't together when starting an argument, the risk is much greater that you're going to break up than if you could approach her while she is at the same place as you.

I don't think you should keep trying to even out the small problems. The big problem is that you don't feel respected enough and/or not taken serious.

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10 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-23 02:18 ID:3cbhEXEq

How should I appoach her about the repect issue?

That is partially true, I am trying not to get in an argument, but not because of the break up, rather, I dont want her upset.

11 Name: Haruhi : 2006-07-23 05:18 ID:xlorjQPa

Maybe if you tried getting into what your girlfriend is thinking, it'll help you out.:3 I'll help out. Pretend you're in your girlfriend's shoes: You love your girlfriend dearly, but lately you've been arguing with her a lot, and you're getting sick of it. In response to this, you start eyeing other girls, flirting harmlessly. You feel guilty about this internally, but don't realize it enough to stop. So you put it on your girlfriend; really, you don't trust yourself, but you pit that distrust against your girlfriend. She ends up taking the heat, not knowing what to do when she didn't do anything wrong, and you're the one to really blame.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-23 05:32 ID:Trk7nESx

Okay, she's makes your existence pretty crappy from the sounds of it and she's not even next to you. Do you think it will be the same problems when she comes back after the 2-3 months are over with her saying, "oh I can have any guy I want, but I'm staying with you"? I think if this goes on for 3 months, it's going to be hell.

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13 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-23 23:06 ID:txcn9ZQD

Somehow today's conversation didn't go too bad, started out with "are you ok?" then we sort of ranted on about what she did, then I said that the reason I didn't call for the past 2 days was for her to calm down, since she'll be more rational and won't think with her emotions. She said why I always bring up what happened, so I just thought its best explained where Im coming from to her. Then we talked about her job, and my frustration over finding a job, which leaded to us talking about how we miss eachother and how it differs, since she is working, there is less time for her to think about me, also, she's constantly surrounded by people. Where as in my case, I'm either at home trying to find a job or out trying to find a job/ buying groceries. I explained to her that it was lonely, and Im not happy, but this is needed to be done. It was hard to admit that to her. However, she said she feels bad because she should be more forceful and ask me to come with her. I would have been much happier with her she said. So now she's trying to get me to go over to her. I told her that I'll have to ask my sister, because I have no money to get a plane ticket, let alone the spending money to stay over there. I don't want to be a burden to her and let her pay for me all the time, even if it's just food - But I'll try to ask my sister for the money, knowing that she'll say no, but theres no harm in trying I suppose.

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14 Name: Haruhi : 2006-07-24 05:12 ID:xlorjQPa

Well, it's definitely a good start.:3<3 Huhu, see? Confronting her was a good idea after all.^_^ Anyway, I'd say try your best to look for jobs(here where you are or there where she is), because otherwise this whole thing'll be impossibly tough to get through. Ganbatte! I'm rooting for you.<3

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-24 09:38 ID:aVelMsJg

Man, it sounds like that this girl just enjoys the situation and plays with your emotions. You should better dump her soon and find yourself someone wotrhy.

16 Name: 3 : 2006-07-24 12:33 ID:LOdafuXe

what kind of a job do you need? where do you live?
and good job on the phone.
Anyway, I don't think you need to go to her, especially because of your financial restraints. But clear this up please: does she think you need to come over there because it is better for you, or because it is better for her (or something else). Its kind of important to know her motivation

17 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-24 23:48 ID:txcn9ZQD

Well at the moment I just need to get any job, just to start up my cash flow again.

Funnily enough, we were talking about it today, about her agenda of why she wanted me there, I also expressed my concern with her work, she said that she can take a vacation anyway, since she's not getting paid or anything. So I suppose I've voiced my concern, she is willing to pay for my plane ticket to get there. However, I don't think I'll be doing my job as a boyfriend if I just say yes.

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18 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-25 23:23 ID:txcn9ZQD

Apparently she told me something today, which I still don't know how to take in or advise her and such. Her boss, the person who her dad entrusted her with said he likes her (O__o)9. He is married and is around 40 yrs old. He treats her to facials today, which I find it was completely innocent. But after hearing that he told her that he likes her, it felt like he has a hidden agenda. I'm not sure, but I told her to tell her parents, atleast that way, he couldn't do much since her dad will keep calling her and such. I also reminded her to just becareful, since her boss has been a little more "touchy-touchy" than usual. At first she tought it was because he can teach her stuff, but now it seems to be getting out of hand, she said. I told her not to think about it too much, but just keep an eye out, if he does anything funny, just leave. I strongly advised her to talk to her dad and mum, not sure if she'll will listen though, since she had a argument with her dad before she talked to me.

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19 Name: Haruhi : 2006-07-26 03:42 ID:TUdi38gu

That's definitely a good move you made, having her talk to her parents about this. If it gets really out of hand, have your girlfriend tell her boss she has a boyfriend, and is not interested in her boss that way. If it gets even more out of hand, tell her she shouldn't be working in that sort of enviornment, and should quit that job ASAP.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-26 06:49 ID:Heaven

>>13 "However, she said she feels bad because she should be more forceful and ask me to come with her."

... That doesn't sound good. I already think she's being needy and forceful. She shouldn't try to be MORE foreceful...

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21 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-27 01:27 ID:0/6WY4ZN

So how do you think I should deal with my gf as it does seem that shes a little too emotional/ needy?

22 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-27 10:51 ID:0/6WY4ZN

Guys, I don't know what to do anymore, shes called me today and so I've called her back, she was a little upset and said shes pissed off because I'm not gonna go there, apparently it shows her that I don't miss her she said. It feels like im her slave or something, she knows my financial situation, she knows I have to do stuff here, I'm trying my best to deal with it, but I don't have the energy to do so anymore. It feels like I HAVE to do what she wants and not what I want/have to do. Do you guys have any suggestions on what I should tell her, other than breaking up with her?

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-27 15:09 ID:Heaven

Well how about this.

Obviously she knows your situation and is still demanding more than you can offer. And I think you can't just keep giving in to her. Or else the relationship would be very much one way.

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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-07-27 16:19 ID:Heaven

As I see it there's two possible ways for you to choose:

a) Stop being so week ! Just tell here that you are not going to please each and every one of her silly caprices. Tell her that relationship doesn't work that way. Tell her that she should consider your feelings and wishes too.

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25 Name: Anonymous : 2006-07-27 22:43 ID:BNqIDtY7

>>23 Yeah, I've been doing that now, se doesnt like it, but I also think this is the best option, like you said I can't always do what she wants, I also have my life also =) thanks for the advice

26 Name: Piano Boy : 2006-08-06 03:30 ID:M9X0LpbZ

I agree! Stop being so weak, don't let people walk all over you, from what I've read, she was probably playing with you from the start. Don't give in to her, you should break up with her ASAP, don't let this one girl ruin your life, do you even love her?

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-06 03:46 ID:6rcWzrKY

really, even if she was playing you could still win her heart