Ok guys, I'm 26, I never dated/kissed/sexed and barely speaked with girls, until 23 I barely went out of the house.
Now I have a full time job, where I recently met a girl of my age. She seems interested, probably because at work I'm normally at ease so I may not leak the "natural born loser" aura too much. But I'm sure she will forget me when she realizes I'm a geek. Anyway for now I got her number (bad move because now I'm in so deep shit that I can't see the sky anymore.)
You have her number. While it doesn't say much, at least it says that she doesn't hate you, so you're not on her bad side.
For going out with her, seriously try to find a nice and comfortable cafe, preferably with couches so you 2 can sit near each other, or at least sit comfortable. If cafe is not an option, parks are always a good way to spend some time, wandering around, sitting on a bench etc.
There is no problem with waiting a week to call her and ask her out. If you rush you will seem annoying or desperate. It's better to wait a little, so wait until the weekend when you both have time, and then you will have time to look around the area beforehand for a nice place.
Hm. Well. If you're worried about not being able to talk to her comfortably, maybe you should watch a movie. That way, afterwards at least you'll have a topic to talk about.
But lots of times, movies get kind of... Boring. Actually, now that I think about it, bowling would be fun too! Bowling you can be bad at 'cause not everyone plays all the time. And since you'll be taking turns, you won't need to talk much, except for encouraging her and stuff. Yeah... Actually, bowling soudns good.
This is the fifth day that I have anxiety, even my mother just told me that I'm not eating anything lately. The tought of having to seem normal is killing me. I can't confront the girl AND the place at the same time. And what is a cafe` anyway???? Couches???
Give her a call tonight or now and ask her if she wants to get coffee at a coffee shop (aka cafe`) or a nice quiet place where you just spend 30-45 minutes where you can sit down and just talk to her. Just make it anytime during the week, try to avoid the weekend and evening because she might be busy and it also gives her the impression that you are busy.
I'll call on monday... hoping to be less agitated than now... I wish I could find that quiet place...
Good luck on the date.
Keep cool. Nothing terrible will happen if you meet her. Don't be afraid or ashamed, only yourself. You may or may not get to know each other better. Just act normal, don't act like you are under pressure or afraid, that will only ruin anything that could come out of it.
Don't be worried. Treat the 'date' like a walk in the park. Hey a walk in the park is good. Again spend about 30-45 minutes with her, to get to know her better. Think of it as you are giving an interview to her to see is she is worthy for an actual date. The cafe'/coffee shop date is nothing but a scouting report. YOu are the driver of your life and you want see if it is okay for her to ride with you. Remember you are in control. By the way give at least a few days between the call and the meeting to show you are not desperate for her. OP where are you from or at least what city? We can help you out with finding a place.
I made the first date with my gf kinda special...took her to a decently nice steak place, and then spent the rest of the night talking. She made the suggestion afterwards that we go to a school playground near her house, where we continued our conversation. I've found that conversation just comes naturally with some people, and as long as you remain confident she'll want to talk with you more. Your tone of voice conveys a lot about you, keep it cool. And don't be ashamed of being a geek, if she can't accept that part about you then she probably isn't worth your time. Do not hide that aspect about yourself, admit it in your conversations, or she'll think you're hiding things from her.
..and barely speaked with girls
I can tell.
you only meet her for several hours at work? easy! order in and eat with herin thi office! I mean this is your first time right? take it easy first.
or take her to a cafe
I called and she said she wasn't sure & would call back. (Yeah, sure...)
Later she sent a mail saying she had already an appointment with her friends. (Yeah, sure...)
I suppose it's the end already.
Whoa there, keep it cool. As alien as it sounds, some people ARE busy going out with their friends. Yes, I know, it CAN mean the dreaded "I don't wanna go out with you but I wanna be subtle about it", but you could also have catched her on a busy point. Try asking her while at work, this makes it a little less awkward(not that phones are awkward, but still) and you can then see if she is really as disinterested as you think.
dont give up!! maybe she really had a appointment! have confidence and beleive in your self! try and talk to her more at work so you two would get to know each other, one thing i know is its normal to get rejected when you ask a girl out so dont give up yet! lol talk about rejection... i got rejected 3 times when i asked girls out, anyway wish you best of luck!!
don't lose hope just yet. it is possible she really did have something to do with her friends.
i also suggest talking to her at work. talk to her as much as possible, ask her about things she likes, what she does when shes off work, talk about the job even. the more you talk to her and become her friend, it will become easier to talk to her without freaking out.
I'm totally depressed. At work we won't see each other anymore because of different work hours. I must forget her because thinking about my loneliness makes me want to commit suicide.
This was the only chance in 26 years to go out with a girl, I knew she would have dumped me anyway but I wanted the experience.
To make things worse I'm still desperate because I'm an otaku and a half hikokomori and convinced that no girl will go with one like me, I don't even know the city, if go by car I get lost in an instant, I never went on a vacancy in popular places of my country, I'm scared of entering a bar..... if at least I knew a story of someone who succeeded, but it's unheard of..
Well, Densha Otoko succeded, and he was an otaku :)
I also got my first girlfriend at the age of 21, since I used to be a huge nerd and anti-social before, I also was for a short time a hikikomori myself, until I read Gantz and realized how much I ruined my own life.
Besides, what do you have to lose if you do actually go out?
Even if you fail in a spectacular manner, they will eventually forget about it and give you a second chance.
Negative thinking gives off a bad vibe. If you keep on thinking that you are a piece of shit, girls will think that you're right and don't even bother. How they do that, I don't know.
Oh shit it's getting complicated, she sent a mail saying 'sorry I didn't go with you last evening'...
What is this supposed to mean????
I'm not replying nor calling for now... if she's really sorry then let her be for a while :>
My advice is to wait at least a week before you call her, to let things die down.
You're a retarded guy for doing the "she hurt me, so I have to toss her number away" scenario, but I like you
It's that what it means: She's sorry she didn't have time to go out with you. Realize that you are not the center of her universe, and sometimes there are priorities to meet other people. Doesn't mean she generally dislikes you. Wait 1 or 2 days and go "Oh hey I was busy so couldn't respond. My offer for a meeting still stands. I though about going to [place] on [day], are you free then? Oh, you aren't? Well when will you be free? Oh, [other day], I gotta check if I'm free then, hang on.....yeah, [other day] sounds good" and take her out then
agreed with >>26's advice.
and indeed. dumping her number is the manly thing to do! giggle
>>24 you're so deseperate I'd kill you if I know you
do you in anyway look like or act like Milton from office space?
Damn you are desperate!
And by the way, you're reading too much into the msg she sent about feeling sorry for not showing. It's not "complicated" at all, she most likely just wasn't able to show for some reason, it's a simple apology. Just call her back or whatever and ask to reschedule for another date. If she keeps trying to avoid you repeatedly, that's when you should assume that she's trying to tell you something. And for god's sake, don't come off so desperate!!
Thanks. You may be referrring to that first date I went on back in March...but I stopped talking to that girl because she gave me the whole "we're dating, you're a great guy, but no relationship" line, plus school got me too damn busy.
This afternoon I ringed her.. she ringed back.. and that's all for today. (I suppose this doesn't mean anything in particular, too..)
[to ring == to make the phone sound one time ..... not sure how they say it in real english]
I forgot to put the name on the above post, it was me anyway... thank you.
That sounds like and acceptable thing to do.
Although "ringing" her phone is not a very good idea IMHO. It makes it look like you did the old "I'll just dial the number" then you chicken out at the last second after dialing it so you hang up routine.
Why do you only make the phone sound ring once...?
Uh... As for elevating public-self-esteem... Um. Why don't you just like practice with your friends or go out and try talking to random people.
What will really give you a bit more public self-esteem is this: go to a park, walk around and just say "hi!" to every person(bonus points if it's a cute girl) you see. Do not quit doing this until you got 100 hi's back at you. It's a great way to start building that "I don't care" attitude which everyone to some degree has
Ok, this evening I ringed then sent her the following msg (rough translation): "I hope to disturb you. Yesterday I ringed.. now I message you.... but I decline responsability for what happens next time:)"
She replied: "You don't disturb... I'm at work... you abandoned me..." (<-- referring to when we were in the same work shift)
In my last reply I made fun of her for that ('poor one... blabla').
>In the "hi" exercise I'm easily discouraged by those who ignore and don't respond, it puts me in a bad mood, I start thinking no one cares about me etc.. -_-'
You shouldn't be. When you think about it, you don't know these people at all so the normal response for alot of them is going to be to not reply at all.
I have also just turned 26 recently, I understand your disposition. Not knowing friends and not aware of where to go since you don't go out. I can sympathize with your hardships because if I ever go out with a girl, I wouldn't know where to go and because I don't have friends, I wouldn't know who to consult for answers. And being in your room most of the time, there just isn't anything that one could come up to telling her what sort of interest one do in a conversation if she were to ask you what you do without falling down into the spiral for not having a social life outside of your room and begin making something up to hide your hikki tendencies.
>>I mean, staying in front of a computer all day is very >>uncool... how can I think I'm cool if facts make evident >>that I'm the opposite?_?
Whats cool is being yourself, if you find your lifestyle to be somehow inferior or spiteworthy, present yourself as an oppertunity for development rather than a failiure. If you're such a loser but still go out of your way to catch this girl, it should be so much more about that to appriciate, rather than if some slick don juan swept her away with ease. Don't even think about being a hipocrite, motherfucker.
I have no expectations of long term relation, I just want to be able to say that I went out with a girl once. It's a small step for humanity but a huge one for me :)
When this is over I'll bounce in a deep depression.. again, but when I rise I'll be better off than now.
She will probably be scared to death when she discovers that I never go out etc. , she will lose all interest, she will say I'm sick and must be cured.... the usual stuff.
If you go in with such a shitty attitude, you doom yourself to fail.
Well you are sick and must be cured, and you should embrace that. If you want one thing, you need to sacrifice something else. It won't hurt you to get out every once in a while. Why sit around watching others live an imaginary life, and pretend to do important and meaningful stuff, you play games and watch movies mostly for a hobby don't you? At least you should have learned some things from all that. Stop being a coward and making excuses for yourself, you'll just end up sitting there wanting stuff you can never get, living a cheifly unsatisfying life.
I tried to call her today but I couldn't find the courage. You are right, what a useless coward I am. I sent another stupid message for now. But I'll get that date some way or another. I don't give a damn about the outcome because DOING the date itself will be THE victory.
I'll worry about actually keeping the girl.. next time -_-'
yup thats it, keep thinking positive!
You think too much, cut that shit out. Look at yourself, do you sound like you're trying to help? You're slaying your own ass off, you wouldn't want to meet you, you're an asshole to yourself, beating yourself down all the time, getting worked up over the tiniest issues, would you bear down on someone else like this? No matter if you actually do suck or not, you have to disregard that when you get down to business. Stop thinking so much about yourself, noone sane gives a rats ass about your worries.
Warez, you need to develop a strong social network of friends before you start going out on dates. That will provide you with more and more social skills. Also, having a supportive social network will help to improve your self-esteem, without that self-esteem your problems will only become worse.
I agree to this having friends to aid you and all, but the fact remain is that, well lets start with me, I don't have friends, neither does he as he said so himself. I'm willing to go out, but the thing is I can only go out by myself since I don't have anyone to go out with. Unless I know someone and he/she is willing to introduce his/her friends to me, in that case I can make friends easily. What makes it hard by befriending people is that they blush you off or ignore you simply because they don't know you. Plus many factors that they choose to not befriend you, if they do mostly they just look at you as an aquaintance, people that just say "hi", and other greetings and thats it.
No, I don't need a girl to be happy. Certainly I don't need a social network, apart from the Internet. Normal people bore me as I bore them.
And I must have lost the part when Densha throws away his hobbies to transform into an extravert social animal...
You don't need to throw away your hobbies or become a party animal in order to make more friends. Make yourself look presentable if you aren't already and find a place where people who have similar interests hang out. And stop beating up on yourself! I know it's kinda hard to accept but you have the same basic setup we've all got. If you keep telling yourself that you suck then others will start to think that you really do.
I managed to call.
She refused again.
Looks like she wasn't really interested after all.
Is this Megatokyo?
well done for calling! thats a good start! now you can learn from that experience, and move onto meeting more people, and applying what you have learned from this event.
mmh yeah.. girl #1 is gone, but in fact I have one more phone number left... I don't even know this girl #2, a colleague talked to her and gave me her number, he said that she wants only sex and no relationship...
(What sex I wonder as I am a virgin and total n00b... but the hydraulics down there are functional at least....)
It's probably another dead end but I think I'll call her too.
Perhaps you should try to develop your social skills some more before you try dating. We all have a lot to learn about such things, but it would help your cause a lot if you were confident in your own ability to socialize. Its not terribly difficult to make friends, it really depends on the social group you hang with. Never went to college? Give it a try, or if you did, do some grad school and escape the evils of the corporate world for a while. Religious? Join a, for example, non-denominational church group, they tend to be the most welcoming people you'll ever meet. Total geek? Seek out fellow geeks in club activities in town. These are just examples on how to best socialize, but with practice you'll get better and better. Good luck.
so okay, i like..... uhm. i really like japanese, you know, japanese anime and um, bishoujo games. that means beautiful girl. they're games where you..... you make friends with beautiful girls.
then, watch 'densha otoko' and follow the otaku's way