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Solution-less problem? (67)


1 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-20 17:14 ID:bPtDnAG7

Just so you know, you can skip the next three paragraphs and read the actual problem, all the other rant is just background information about my experience that might (hopefully?) help finding a solution.

It's been a while since I started having sexual experiences. I find masturbation (just by myself) not very appealing, and aside for some experiences with a boyfriend I'd rather forget, most of the stuff I've tried have been with my current mate. We had dated before, and he was my first sexual experience, which basically was groping and masturbate each other. He wasn't a virgin and has always been a bit of a pervert, so sex was something he had been looking forward since the start. On the other hand I was a naïve virgin with the firm decision of waiting until marriage. Because of other some problems, but I personally think because mainly of the whole sex problem, we ended up breaking up. My childish attitude broke us apart and we pretty much stopped talking to each other for two years.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-20 18:07 ID:puBawmj3

I like the word anorgasmic.

Knowing this kind of stuff probably makes me quite the perv, but here are some tips. It would be better if a girl were to answer this though.
-An orgasm is something personal, not shared, so you need to focus a lot on yourself to get one. Basically you need to keep track of the good feeling in your vagina and make it grow. An orgasm is not an explosion of happines, but the climax of stimulation.

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3 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-20 19:15 ID:bPtDnAG7

>>2 WE ARE.

But aside from that, I think I may be obsessing to much about it. Before my problem was taking too much care of pleasuring him and fulfilling his needs instead of mine, but now I don't concentrate enough on my body. And I'm stupid for not saying it enough in the first post, but yeah, I want to have sex with him because he's the only idiot I would ever come back to (in other words, I love him so much I would give away everything I believe in, then smack him in the forehead and call him an idiot. And then kiss him and snuggle with him).

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-20 22:10 ID:Heaven

>>2

On the other hand Jesus made clear that there is only one relationship, one marriage, and marriage is who you stick your dick into, not the symbolic ceremony, hence the law to marry a woman you've forced yourself on in the law of moses. God thinks no differently of this today, so don't throw your bullshit around. If you remarry -and get it right now that I've clarified(so you don't say that people who hasn't exchanged rings can go around and fuck at will)- you commit sin. For whatever reason, you are not even allowed to remarry if your wife fucks someone else, you may deny her yourself if you feel so inclined, since she has in reality divorced you, but you may not take another wife yourself, only reunite with your current one. Only if your partner dies you are free to remarry, since marriage is only an earthly union and is dissolved when we part with this world.

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5 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-21 00:13 ID:bPtDnAG7

>>4 Now I have two different opinions :D.
I'll never stop thinking on ways to pleasure him, but what I meant is that a couple of years ago all I could think about was make him happy, give him pleasure, do what he wants, and not for a second thought about me. I was like this with everyone and gave me lots of lonely sad nights (I was such a cry-baby.. Ah, the angsty youth). But yeah, if he's enjoying the ride I couldn't be happier... But yeah, gotta start feeling rather than thinking.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-21 01:17 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>5

Well theres nothing wrong with being a bit shy about being honest as long as you are, it's just another sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. You have no reason to cover anything from him, if you do it will eventually break you apart. At first it's only cute, but as I said in the long run it will lose it's appeal and create rifts instead.

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7 Name: 2 : 2006-08-21 10:41 ID:puBawmj3

Yes.. Thank you for putting everything in extremes again, >>4 and >>6, although I have to admit that you do raise some issues that would otherwise just be waltzed over.

First of all I never implied that a relation in which the sexlife is not fulfilling cannot last. Secondly, and perhaps I wrote this a little less clear - I never wished to imply that during sex you focus only on yourself. The point there was that focussing on your partner continually is probably not the way to orgasm. Fortunately for me, >>4 hasn't made any effort at all to show that he's better informed about orgasming than me (so we're both nitwits).

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-21 15:36 ID:Heaven

>>7

Matthew 5:31-32
Matthew 19:3-9

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9 Name: frigid onanoko, 2, 7 : 2006-08-21 19:04 ID:puBawmj3

All three gospel passages say the same thing. Married people should not divorce unless there's a really good reason. I'd like to point out btw that it seems as if only the man can divorce his wife, not the other way round.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-21 20:21 ID:Heaven

>>4

My bible interpretation is more right than your bible interpretation.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-21 21:42 ID:Heaven

>>1
Personally, I've never had an orgasm when I've been nervous or stressed, in spite of that my fiance is damned good in bed and normally is great at getting me off.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-21 22:39 ID:Heaven

>>9

Excuse a long answer.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-21 22:42 ID:Heaven

>>11

I never said you should concetrate on how to please I said you should just go with your lust, let yourself go I said, and you will naturally be turned to please because that is the essence of lust, unless you've somehow messed up your mind and thats no rarity at all.

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14 Name: frigid onanoko : 2006-08-22 00:30 ID:puBawmj3

don't like this christianity. It's so strict! as creatures of God, why do we have to follow all these rules? why can we not enjoy life? I thought 'everything is permissible before the lord'?

Frigid onanoko also unhappy about God's inefficiency. I don't see God. I tried to talk to God, let God into my heart. But the only voice replying my questions was Frigid Onanoko... waah! Why did God not give Jesus straight away? with all these convents he made, Adam and Eve, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, etc, and all the friggin' prophets.... Seriously! what else can I say than that he's just blundering about? And then this communication thing. Why is it that regardless of who you talk to, the people who can hear God are always 'other people?'

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-22 02:51 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>don't like this christianity. It's so strict! as creatures of God, why do we have to follow all these rules? why can we not enjoy life?

What makes you think we are creatures of God? You are born of flesh and have no likeness in him, then ofcourse you can't appriciate what he loves. To a spiritual being his words are love and life, to an earhtly being they are a pain in the ass.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-22 10:09 ID:puBawmj3

so really, noone can understand God, but christians understand hi m better? I don't percieve Gods soul... OOOPS! so I can't talk to him? What about Paul before he was converted by heavenly intervention? Anyway, so I'm not a spiritual being, unable to perceive God. Not even in church. Please don't tell me I need Jesus to become a spiritual being.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-22 20:40 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>so really, noone can understand God, but christians understand hi m better?

No the ones God have decided to show himself for may see him. And this will happen by them becoming one with the Word, the will of God. Paul got that mercy because in spite of his actions, God had planted something of value in him that he wanted to cultivate.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 03:59 ID:vsP9mvkA

Scientology for the win!

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 04:09 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>18

Get a clue

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 08:48 ID:Heaven

is this board love and romance or religion? i think i'm lost.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 18:50 ID:puBawmj3

>>20
arguably there is a love relation with Jesus and or God. Besides, I think the thread title is very fitting for this subject.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 19:15 ID:9CGuuudE

THERE IS NO GOD

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-23 19:34 ID:ZVSFuNNl

THERE IS ONLY ANONYMOUS

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 10:21 ID:JkFG/yhm

>>8
What relevence does the fucking BIBLE have in this conversation?
No proof that God exists -> entire bible worthless.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 11:34 ID:Heaven

>>21
sounds kinda fucked up, having a love relationship with a dead person, and a male one at that. don't you religious folks frown on shit like that?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 18:02 ID:puBawmj3

I don't associate with religious folks, 25. If you take a little time, you should see that >>21 is phrased in a speculative fashion, which hints at my position in the subject.

You bring up the "God of the gaps" theorem. If you read the whole wikipedia article, you'll find that theologists are well aware of the weakness of this argument. The same wiki also links to "Deism" which you would have done well to read. It is the belief that a god should be accepted through logic and reason only. This is an appealing idea, but is it fair to truth to accept it?

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-24 18:03 ID:puBawmj3

>>24, sorry if I mixed you up with >>25 by accident

28 Name: 8 : 2006-08-24 18:13 ID:Heaven

>>24

>>What relevence does the fucking BIBLE have in this conversation?
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29 Name: 24 : 2006-08-26 08:48 ID:JkFG/yhm

>>28
There is no proof that god exists. Therefore, the bible has zero credibility.

In your earlier posts you were counterattacking an idiot. A low tier atheist with little experience breaking down the ignorant.

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30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-26 13:42 ID:Heaven

>>29

heh, low tier eh? And you're one of the late level bosses I guess?

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31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-27 03:54 ID:JkFG/yhm

>>30
way to fail. try again.

1 Provide proof that god exists.

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32 Name: frigid onanoko : 2006-08-27 08:24 ID:puBawmj3

I'm a low tier atheist! (>>29) nyah! Frigid onanoko unhappy about the way this thread evolving.. For a selfrespecting person, >>30 is way too much of a slanderous rant to be constructive. What all this slander for? it no help fo, it no help >>31, it not helping anyone. Maybe helping show christianity in bad light...

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33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-27 14:28 ID:Heaven

>>Anyway. If >>15, >>17 is Christian, advise to quit ranting in defence for christianity.

Sure why not.

34 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-29 19:14 ID:nNI4PFxM

Wow, when did my problem became a religion thread?
Well, I don't really want to know. I'm back here for some more suggestions...

So last week we went to a concert. I'd been sick for some days by then, and later that night it started raining. I kissed him once so I guess my infection plus the rain got him the flu, too. A couple of days before I failed to get to a date to the movies with him (had a partial proyect to finish and one of my my teammates started bitching a lot when I told her I was leaving earlier, and I couldn't manage to convince her), and since then he had been acting pretty serious and indiferent to me. The night of the concert I confessed that I wanted to be his girlfriend, that I was ready to start going out with him as a solid couple, and at first he was a little surprised but happy, and said he wanted to be my boyfriend, too. An' it was good.

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35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 08:37 ID:Q8jEkvoG

>>29

> 1 Provide proof that god exists.
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36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 08:58 ID:Heaven

>>35
That's not proof, that's belief. WHERE IS DA PROOF

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 09:54 ID:Bpd6Xgbh

people who believes god exist purely based on faith are insecure

people who reject god's existance based on lack of evidence are idiots

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38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 10:06 ID:Heaven

people who post >>37 need to learn to sage, not post useless posts and die.

39 Name: sage : 2006-08-30 11:06 ID:D9caLTkp

>people who argue about religion in a love and romance thread in this BBS needs to stay off the internet

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 11:06 ID:Heaven

>>39
i fail at saging D:

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-30 20:12 ID:/U0KIwfd

You all fail for ignoring Tanuka's pleads for help in favour of this shit. Especially >>38 for doing what he thinks others should die for.

>>34

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42 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-31 05:50 ID:bPtDnAG7

>>41

I was planning on telling him on friday, he usually comes to my house that day (except last friday, he had some stuff to do at school or something.. sigh Don't really know the details), and most of the day no one but us is at home, so I think maybe being just the two of us will help me grow the balls to actually tell him how I feel and ask him to tell me what he feels/wants/thinks. I absolutely agree with you, relationships must have a good comunication level, and an honest one. I really wished it would be easier for me to tell him openly how I'm feeling right now, but he's always (and with always, I mean ALWAYS) with the three stooges he has for friends at his classroom, and when I actually go and try having a conversation with him I end up talking to his friends! I mean, one of them was my classmate on a previous year and this is the first time I actually talk to him. What the heck is that all about?

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43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 06:57 ID:/U0KIwfd

Ok. Well you better have a talk with him.

And you know nevermind the fucking stooges, you're his girlfriend you come first. I mean he said himself he wants to marry you, you don't marry someone who is less than one of your friends. The one you marry is your best friend, IMO that holds true for the one you choose to fuck too as it's the same thing in my eyes, but hey I'm a minority so what does it matter?

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44 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-31 18:34 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>43

The stooges are not a problem, just an example of how he's almost always too crowded or busy to be with me. I actually like them and one of them is a good friend of mine, but when I approach them at school I'm not there to talk to them, if you get my drift.

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45 Name: Tanuka : 2006-08-31 18:34 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>43

The stooges are not a problem, just an example of how he's almost always too crowded or busy to be with me. I actually like them and one of them is a good friend of mine, but when I approach them at school I'm not there to talk to them, if you get my drift.

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46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-08-31 19:48 ID:/U0KIwfd

>>45

It's too early to say anything for certain, it was just a heads-up, so in case I'm right, you'll be somewhat prepared for it. But I'm not saying you should worry about it, just be aware of the possibility. Because his conduct invites to such notions.

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47 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-09-07 15:37 ID:xyK4BNZB

This is miscommunication. His situation is a little in the kid's love where he stays with someone as long as he gets what he wants. He doesn't intend it to be that way, but it has just turned out that way because you put him in that comfortable position. You obviously feel a much greater need than he does. Make sure he understands that. To him right now, he's getting enough from you, but he doesn't know you're the one that wants attention. You want to be the kid, not the mom. (Right now you're the mom.) What you feel is natural, usually the man has to be the strong caring, active one, and women have to be the passive, receiving ones. The balance has tiptoed too much in his favor without him knowing. The answer? Just let him know you feel needy and want attention. Tell him to give you what you want, and make you feel loved.

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48 Name: Tanuka : 2006-10-26 16:45 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>47

Yeah, that's more or less how I'm feeling right now, but now the situation has gone a little bit worse...

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49 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-10-26 21:33 ID:xyK4BNZB

I'm so sorry to read about your situation, but it's good that you are taking on the problem with such a constructive attitude. But there is a limit to what you can do, and others are better left to God.
I would like to listen to you more, so if you decide to talk, you can find me in irc.freenode.net by the nick Renderer. Click my name to go to IRC and /msg Renderer <your message here>

50 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-10-26 22:01 ID:xyK4BNZB

You need to register a nick and add a password to it in order to /msg. I forgot IRC was so complicated.

51 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-10-27 17:07 ID:xyK4BNZB

I've been thinking about your situation. He is not healthy; it seems like he grew up doing whatever he wanted to. Sometimes women confuse their need for someone with love. The truth is, you don't need him, and to be honest, I don't think you love him. The influence he has on your humor is something you make happen, not something HE makes happen (it is biological as much as it is psychological). Women feel more vulnerable and are more susceptible to feel attached when a man rejects or deprecates her. This is consistent with "assholes getting the girl". Usually even simple statements like, "I had such a bad first impression of you," have this effect on women. You are feeling you need to show your worth to him, and since he does not appreciate you, you try harder. I don't know the details of your relationship with him, but you should try finding a good friend (either sex) to help you avoid this guy at least for a while (a month or two, and pray for yourself and for him). Then, you can decide wisely if it's better to stay with him or bid him Godspeed.

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-28 01:27 ID:BtBo4fe8

>>48
wtf. jerk. he got bored after getting into your pants. you deserve much much better. stick a carrot up his ass. no lubricant thanks. STOP TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF TO HIM. he won't know what he has until he actually loses it. notice that all those times he makes an effort is when he is insecure about your feelings to him.

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53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 01:04 ID:BtBo4fe8

Print out and memorise:

You: Hey Jack, we need to talk.
Jack: About what?

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54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 02:38 ID:Heaven

Don't forget to give Jack a copy to memorise too so he can get his lines right.

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 09:22 ID:Heaven

>>54
no worries, jack is a natural jerk.

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 11:00 ID:Heaven

>>49

Why can't she talk to this thread?

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57 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-29 14:29 ID:Heaven

>>56
Haha. So true. Only you saw through him S.A ;)

58 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-30 05:20 ID:Heaven

Mirelle Guy, I know he likes to steal other people's girlfriends if he knows he can succeed. Tanuka, in her position is likely very to be stolen due to her in this situation and condition.

I claim that Mirelle Guy likes to steal girlfriends from others, it is not without strong clue and intention in his past threads and posts he made. Remember he gave advice to others and try to encourage the person to compete and court the girls even though she has a boyfriend? He goes on to imply in what he says that those who are weak should not be worthy of having girls. Physically stronger and mentally stronger who give the best sex is the one worthy of having girls despite personalities. Mirelle guy is the type who live for pleasure and vainness and arrogance, that his philosophy.

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59 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-10-30 16:44 ID:xyK4BNZB

Laughs out loud. I would steal a girl's heart, but only with her consent, and only if I am not betraying loyalty to a friend of mine. I have a few physical features going on for me, but the main attractiveness is something I'm trying to teach in this board; it is called manliness. A better word for it exists in Spanish: caballerosidad. (I do not know its translation in English). Wimps who cry in the presence of women are the opposite of what I am trying to teach. I do not know about how straight my ethics are, but I am just an altruistic guy.

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60 Name: Tanuka : 2006-10-30 18:07 ID:nNI4PFxM

>>53 I lol'd.

>>56 Thanks for the advice but there's no way in hell I'm falling for such cheap tricks, and there's even less chance that I'm falling for them in a board. I'm not someone you can take advantage of (with the exception of a certain person I started this thread for), nor be stolen, at least not without problems. Several times I've been given hints of romance in the internets, but I prefer to leave that subject for real life. Although I don't really see any bad intentions in Mirielle Guy's advices, I do find rude that he dissmises my love for my boyfriend so easily, over time I've learned to difference what's real love and the simple need of company, so I'd rather prefer that this isn't questioned again.

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61 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-31 02:10 ID:YlOrC7ZP

He totally sounds like he's just in it for the sex. Personally, I think you should just stop trying to put up with him and leave him. You deserve much better.

62 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-10-31 20:03 ID:ZikWhVGx

I think the best thing you must doing, nobody canhelp you, is your choice, and you must use your words, Is my opinion. And sorry if i did mistake because I'm french...

63 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-11-03 01:27 ID:xyK4BNZB

It is correct. Gentlemanliness is the word (I thought that word was wrong, but it is in the dictionary.) I'm sorry if I sounded to simply disregard your love for him, but in >>51, I said to avoid him for a while, not to avoid him completely. I do not remember if you mentioned that this he is Christian or not, but I could tell his relationship with God is not very good. You should boht plan together to stay away from each other for a while, for his own sake. You have to be willing to sacrifice time for him that he needs to grow up spiritually and personally. In this time, you pray for him. I typed before that you cannot change a person by your own means, so let me add: God can change him, so you should trust and leave that work to Him.

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64 Name: Mireille guy !2dC8hbcvNA : 2006-11-03 01:47 ID:xyK4BNZB

So I always ask myself a few things to see if I am in love:
Is it deliberate?
Does it involve self-sacrifice?
Is it controllable? (If it's not, then it's a syndrome.)

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65 Name: >>2 : 2006-11-03 10:38 ID:K5ho0z14

How interesting that this thread is still going!
Tanuka, do you think your problems are solved/not important anymore? After all, more than two months have passed since the first post.
Alternatively, what do you consider to be the main problems now?

66 Name: Mg : 2006-11-03 18:22 ID:Heaven

>>65 Good point. It would be good to know how things are after 2 months.

67 Name: OP : 2007-11-17 23:43 ID:Heaven

Just to answer >>65, things were still going kind of not awesome, but sex was a regular thing still. In the end he went overseas for a whole semester and we broke-up because the damn guy wouldn't try communicating with me (or anyone back here at home, for that matter). I got tired and everything is history now. We don't act awkwardly in each other's presence, which is good I guess, but after a few more slips I've become pretty much not interested in sentimental or physical relationships. Bad end.