At least in Toronto, the goth scene and the fetish scene are sorta intermixed. You might try looking for some goth or fetish sites that are local to the city you are in. You should learn to be careful though. There are assholes that will look for submissives to abuse... and I mean abuse as in go further than the subs want to go. They rely on the fact that submissives probably won't put up much of a fight, or will just go along with it even though they don't like it. So I would really get to know some of the people before jumping on into trying to act out your fantasies with them.
Also, in Toronto the gay scene is kinda off to itself. You don't see many gay guys/couples at goth/fetish/industrial clubs. This could be different in other cities, since Toronto has its own gay section of town. Though the gay scene meets up with the fetish scene at certain events like the annual Northbound Leather bash (Northbound Leather is a company that makes leather products in Toronto).
An example of the kind of site you are trying to look for would be something like Toronto-Goth.com.