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Feeling attraction ... to your lecturer?! (37)

1 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-01 12:19 ID:lZqU4kD6

I have a problem I think. In my two years of studying Japanese, I've grown an attraction to my lecturer. Despite she's probably around 40, she still single. Should I let her know how I feel? I never had good luck with women around my age, would my lecturer be an impossible venture then? And yes, I know it seems a bit desperate if I feel attracted to a much older woman.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-01 14:23 ID:p434uPXj

How old are you?

Also: If you're in the middle of a class of her's or have to take any more classes with her, I would recommend that you wait until you finish all of them.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-01 22:17 ID:Heaven

Oh yeah, your semester should be ending in like 2 months, right? Good luck!

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-01 22:45 ID:wD8N7Ump

Oedipus Complex lol

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 00:38 ID:g7tA3RIa

>>And yes, I know it seems a bit desperate if I feel attracted to a much older woman.

Not really.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 01:23 ID:4wxWwKMW

start talking to other girls and you will stop feeling attracted to your lecturer.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 01:42 ID:PVLT6ic/

Question: Did your Japanese study affect your English?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 04:13 ID:JWCffEqp

It happened to me. Studying a language like Japanese can make you forget how to spell words.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 04:13 ID:JWCffEqp

It happened to me. Studying a language like Japanese can make you forget how to spell words.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 04:36 ID:wD8N7Ump

Yes really. He says he can't get women his own age, so it's obvious he's desperate.

11 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-02 11:23 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>2 I'm in my early 20s. The lecturer must be almost forty (she still looks young though). And yes, this year's my last year in her classes.

>>4 I dont see how it's the Oedipus Complex, it's not like the lecturer's my mother.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 17:11 ID:Heaven

>I dont see how it's the Oedipus Complex, it's not like the lecturer's my mother.

If if was Oedipus Complex, you would be looking for a mother-like figure, not necessarily your actual mother. Around what age is you mother? Did she baby you while growing up? :p

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 21:16 ID:Wd0rLsgi

I've had a similar feeling before. It's not all too uncommon, at least I don't think. But I do agree with >>6. If you talk to other girls, generally, a shallow attraction for another person usually dies off. Maybe all you really need to do is to find someone who's mature or more your pace. Age doesn't mean too much. Maturity at a particular age does.

14 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-02 22:05 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>12 My mother would be around 45 I think. I never get told my parents age. And I don't feel close to my mother, not since I was around 11 yrs old. And the lecturer is Japanese and I know other Japanese women, around my age, but they ain't available so to speak. While this teacher of mine doesn't share my interests per se but I feel I can talk with her about more serious and mature topics. I doubt that many girls around my age would like to chat about politics or other stuff that is not centered on the entertainment industry. And I used 'dont' instead of 'don't' as a shorten way of typing it. I believe most do this when they chat on msn or icq?

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-02 23:38 ID:gTwjeOvM

You have to be careful with what you look for with a relationship with an older woman. 20+ years difference is possible, but it takes a big deal of giving. Ask her out to some coffee with the excuse of discussing about class. When you meet her, smile a lot and give her some hints by touching her arms or hands. Then you can just tell her she's sexy and you want to meet her in some other occasion to do something.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 00:39 ID:Heaven


>And I don't feel close to my mother, not since I was around 11 yrs old.
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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 10:26 ID:vBJ/JpV1

yes, very good idea, >>15.
That is, if you want to make the total creep act.

The relation you are currently in with her, is one of her servicing you (teaching you). As far as I know, also from some experience, Japanese will take this servicing very far, leading them to be very very nice to you. That's the business they are in after all: If they are rude to you, you might switch class, and they have less income --> so, better be nice

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18 Name: 7 : 2006-11-03 11:55 ID:HzRcVeeP

OP: Your english is very bad. Hint: English isn't all about spelling. "Feeling attraction...?" "Despite she's probably..." "grown an attraction.." "as a shorten way of typing.." I could go on, but hopefully you get the idea. It's generally the way you phrase things that make you sound like a esl (English as a second language) person. Anyway, just made me curious as to if you were an esl, studying japanese.

19 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-03 14:37 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>18 Yes, I'm Hong Kong Chinese, but have been living in an English speaking country for 14 yrs. And I wouldn't say my English is very bad, otherwise I wouldn't be in university and my papers would have been returned with tons of mistakes (which I don't, I only have less than five per page). And the point here is not about my English either.

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20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 17:27 ID:Heaven

The purpose of touching someone's arm is to make her feel trust and be comfortable. Of course, smiling is a must to make her feel comfortable. She needs to empathize with you, and touching her arm is something you do in a date, when you greet her, not in class. Muster the courage to do these little things. Women interpret such moves as friendliness, as long as you keep a straight face. There's nothing wrong with being nervous.

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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-03 17:46 ID:Heaven

I recommend watching TheMysteryMethod's videos as well:

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 04:07 ID:HzRcVeeP

Are you sure this isn't some crush?
Lol, platonic relationship? Even in the best case scenario that would be very improbable. Plus I really don't think this would be a good idea. In the event that you did manage to go out with her, there would be shocking effects. Like I know for a fact that your parents being Chinese, would probably disown you, or it would start discrediting rumours about you sleeping with the lecturer to get good marks.

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-04 05:10 ID:Gyh3F2qw

I agree that >>15 is a bad strategy.

I'd say go to her office hours. Does she even know your face? If not, office hours would be a good opportunity for her to get to know you on a more personal scale, without being too drastic I think.

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24 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-04 07:28 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>22 What made you think that my parents would react this way? If it was 20 yrs ago or more than probably, further back in time I would have been put in a bamboo cage and drowned. However, not anymore.
>>23 Yes, she knows my face, since I've been in her class since beginning of last year.
>>22 It just maybe a crush, there's that possibility. Right now I'm not 100% sure of what I'm actually feeling. Only advice I really took to heart was "go and see", worst is I look like an idiot ... again ... but then I have already how many years of being that already?! What's one more time then?

25 Name: 17 : 2006-11-05 16:30 ID:vBJ/JpV1

I live in HK as an exchange student, and I noticed that people here hardly hate Japanese at all. There's tons of Japanese restaurants (and cheap ;) and basically all candy comes from Japan (Still, wtf is 'fleecy pork' doing in a candy shop?)

And when did sleeping with the sexy teacher for better marks become tainted?

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26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 08:25 ID:Heaven

>> sexy teacher..


27 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-06 11:50 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>25 I envy you where you are right now. Wanna swap bodies? LOL To your question, why then are Russian girls has bigger bulge than other girls of Western countries?
And the lecturer I'm having feelings for is already starting to age so she's not exactly the 'sexy teacher' type of person. It's not about looks that attracts me to this teacher. Sometimes she looks like her younger self and other times you can see the age in her. It's her younger self that I'm attracted to.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 15:15 ID:vBJ/JpV1

haha, i'd love to go to japan, also to leave stressy university for a while. I like my body though, so no bodyswap, sorry.

I think you should love the person, not a single aspect of her.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-06 16:07 ID:gTwjeOvM

One more:
Watch the seduction video and then tell me if making out in the middle of the street with someone you just met is

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30 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 00:09 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>28 ... awww no fair, I wanna be in HK. Really, I rather be in HK than in JP, for one, living in HK saves your wallet.
Anyway, yes, I know if I do like my lecturer I should like her as a whole and not in parts. First though I need to know her first, and still trying to sense the go ahead. Maybe I'm a bit rash about things but as a friend of mine suggested, I arranged an appointment to talk to her (she doesn't know what it would be about) then in person tell my lecturer my attraction to her and make it not so open by asking her out to something sometime. Right now though, I'm terrified if my lecturer confirms the appointment.

31 Name: 28 : 2006-11-07 04:10 ID:vBJ/JpV1

save your wallet eh? yeah. still trying to find a figurine shop.

I'm unsure about your plan, but hey, its an interesting thing to do. Definitely interested in hearing how this works out.

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32 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 08:09 ID:lZqU4kD6

>> 28 oo, what sort of figurine shop you looking for? I know one that had quiet a few. It's somewhere around Jordan Road, sorry couldnt give you any exact details.

And I did it, sent her an email instead but. Anyways, here's what she sent to me:

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33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 11:59 ID:yfy2aZNr

I want to say "I told you so", but instead I shall commend you for having the balls to go through with it.

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 13:25 ID:vBJ/JpV1

yep, duffinateli.
now leave it at that and don't write back to say sorry.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-07 16:39 ID:p434uPXj

>I want to say "I told you so", but instead I shall commend you for having the balls to go through with it.

36 Name: Down and Out : 2006-11-07 23:40 ID:lZqU4kD6

>>34 I did reply but only said "Oh I see (in JP). Anyways, thanks for letting me know" Then went on to ask her about the upcoming assessments.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-11-08 02:52 ID:+zIzHCpE

speaking of lecturers, i wanted to fuck yiannis papadopoulos for a while. it wore off. quite possibly because his lectures are incredibly boring and my god he won't shut up about the time he worked on aircraft safety systems