Guys, I think I opened up a seriously dangerous can of worms... last night my best (female platonic) friend and potentially-future roommate was over at my place, and we were quite fine until watching a movie led to cuddling, and then cuddling led to... well, HELLO! We were up till 3:00am last night going totally NUTS on each other.
I reckon you should tell her of your mistake. She might be alittle hesitant at first to see you and such but if you can talk about it and explain that you're sorry and how much the friendship means to you WITHOUT sex then she should understand.
Just let her know that you thought it was a mistake too. Hey, it worked in When Harry Met Sally.
Just remember this, it takes two to tango. She could of stopped it anytime, and don't make it seem like sleeping with HER was a mistake. Just the action, make sure she doesn't feel like you didn't like having sex with her.
Well, I just got a message from her... she said nothing of last night, but simply asked me if I want to go see that new movie [i]Short Bus[/i] and then go get a beer Wednesday night. Tried calling her back, but got no response.
Soooo... it seems I haven't TOTALLY freaked her out, but I'm still worried... maybe we can talk it over at the bar.
just so you know short bus has wall to wall hardcore sex in it.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT
I think he knows what it is about, his took his name from it.
>Soooo... it seems I haven't TOTALLY freaked her out
Maybe she thinks she freaked you out :p
hi to you too!
No, I took my name from the young man Severin von Kusiemski, the protagonist Venus In Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.
Frigid onanoko not sure, but think you no have big problems. Must have been quite fun night both of you - great!
She only scared of, maybe, difference in longterm relation you gonna have now. What to tell best platonic friend? truth. You liked that night, and you wanna communicate that. and you wanna talk about the rest.
Tell her your feelings like you just shared with us. That you're worried and you hope you haven't just destroyed one of your most treasured friendships with a one-night fuck. Be careful.
Don't give any hints of intimate sexual interest on her, because you have already that older gf, correct? A man may be overcome by temptation, but it does not mean you are a slut and jump from woman to woman. (Being your best friend, she probably knows you have a gf.)
Don't invite her to your house again like frigid onanoko says. If she is a bit freaked out, it'll also be a bit awkward with sexual tension.
So ask her. I agree with >>12, but approach the subject carefully. You're not sure if she liked the night or not. Don't make it sound like didn't like it, but also make sure you're not encouraging it as well.
Older woman has mysteriously dropped off the radar and supposedly has a new man in her life... a man named Jesus Christ =(
Although that's the thing, I hope I'm not unconsciously using my homegirl as a rebound fucktoy... cuz then I'd TRULY be a fuckwad
Lol. And how did the king of kings caused your ex to stop the relationship? Did she see it as wrong for an older woman to go out with a younger man?
Well, I am a very outspoken and militant Atheist, and she I met through the Fetish and Goth community, so her supposed conversion might have her seeing me and her old friends as "bad influences". However, I'm going to give her another week, and if I don't hear from her before then/if things with my friend get interesting, then I will consider the thing over.
You can have sex with someone you're not attracted to?
Fuck... sighs Point taken. Or should I say I don't want to be attracted to her... As gorgeous and awesome as she is, this is definitely not good.
I am definitely all about taking it slow, feeling things out, and not getting attached; also I am wanting to talk to her but she told me in her message she would be busy until Wednesday when we're supposed to get together. Still, it's scaring the shit outta me.
It seems that in your situation, you both kind of want to forget what happened. But just make sure that this is true somehow... I would try being up front probably a week or so after the incident. If you both want your friendship to stay as it was, then you will work to keep it that way. Though, I don't think it's a good thing to forget it ever happened, only to put it aside.
But he is going to see a movie about sex. I say confront it as soon as you can.
>>19, hell yeah, you can. Esp. if they're pushy and you're sort of wimp. That was an annoying period in my life. Grumble.
>>24, nah. We're just talking about giving in to avoid emotional conflict here.
>>18 I also have a fear of the 'friend zone'. I worry about getting too close to a girl and wind up in the dreaded fz. However, I now think that's all a bunch of crap. I know my ex's aunt and uncle, they told before they were friends before they became lovers so the FZ isn't a black hole in a relationship. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realise that the more any of us single guys fear the FZ, the more unsuccessful we become. In other words, our fear of it feeds it and wind us up with nothing. All I can say is befriend the girl like you normally befriend a guy, I think most of us try not to discuss sad stories with other guys so we shouldnt do that with women. If we do women will treat us like women since it's women who discuss sad stories together.
Talk to her, knowing that most girls will wait for the guy to make the move. Just explain everything and tell her you value and treasure her friendship.
In my experience and observation, "The Friend Zone" is just a self-imposed subconscious barrier that socially retarded people create to prevent rejection. As >>26 points out, it does not exist.
In fact, there is a thin line between lovers and friends, and that barrier is easily crossed by becoming a little more appealing to the person in question.
>>In my experience and observation, "The Friend Zone" is just a self-imposed subconscious barrier that socially retarded people create to prevent rejection.
That's right. You must overcome your human limitations, >>1! Over come them and excel!
That... was suprisingly successful!
Basically, the agreement came to this:
An actual happy ending? UNPOSSIBLE!
Not quite yet... the thing that worries me is that the last time this happened with another female friend, it ended with shit goin' down... so we are still hesitant.
>>31 Good for you. You went you saw and you conquer (so to speak). Man, someone should go and seriously rough up the guy who started saying all this FZ stuff. Maybe also get the guy for the ladder theory too while at it.
Girls are retarded. I can't see how this is anything but a good thing. I have sex with my best male friend all the time.
Talk to her. The friendship isn't ruined AT ALL. Girls are stupid and petulant and emotional about sex. Ask her how she feels. Tell her you love her as a friend, and are attracted to her. Ask her what she wants for the future, and how she felt about the experience. If she didn't like it, then just apologize, remind her it takes two to tango, and that life moves on. JUST DON'T BE AWKWARD, and make sure you strongly advise her not to feel awkward about it.
i wouldn't worry about it, infact i envy you.
there are so many friends i have i wish i could shag whenever i felt like it :(
Update: Last night was her birthday, and having her come over to my place so I could cook her a big meal, then smoke her out (in before gb2/420chan), and the watch Silence of the Lambs (sexual tension galore) was a VERY good idea. She got a very good present last night ^_^
Happy ending Kita!! (ｷﾀ━━━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━━━ !!!!!)
So, you actually got some game?
Uh, rock on, dude.
Your adventure with your best friend will turn out to be your new love.
And your post >>40 sounds like a déjà-vu. Actually all of this feels like a big déjà-vu
OH TEH NOOOOOES!!!