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Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? (11)

1 Name: OP : 2006-11-10 02:37 ID:BqhVm2WY

Ok l&r, I have a situation which has been bothering me for awhile now. To start off, I'm a male and 15. Back in 8th grade I changed schools from my 7th grade, and as a result I had no friends. I'll be honest, to most people I'm annoying and most my life I was that one annoying kid that everyone hates. Due to some kids thinking it would be funny to make up stories about how I sexually harassed them, I wasnt in regular classes. I was in "emotionally handicapped" classes, which means I spent my whole 8th grade in the same room, being taught things I learned in 3rd grade (I would go more into this, but that is a whole different very long rant).

I did get one regular period for math class though. In that class I sat next to the girl that this post is about. She was really funny and so was I, (not to brag but I am really funny, and I think my humor is the only thing that keeps me from being completly friendless) we could talk, and she actually defended me when the rest of the class would say how much they hate me. Back then she was my only friend.

Soon we became best friends, and we would hangout out of school often. She even said how math was her favorite class even though she hates math, just because she could hangout with me. Then one day as a joke I said that one of my other friends (actually, probably my only other friend) was madly in love with her, and that he cut her name into his arm. Later when she met him I told her it was a joke and all three of us hung out and they became friends. Eventually they went out. I didnt know why back then, but whenever I saw them together I didnt feel so good. And after they started going out, he seemed very annoying to me. They broke up eventually and everything went back to normal.

Summer came and went, and we went to different high schools. We hung out less (because she always said she had something to do when I asked her). But after a couple months straight of her denials, I got mad and confronted her, which led to a fight. After that, she always said she was grounded. Even though she said she was grounded, she always had new pictures and bulletins of her hanging out with all her other friends (which she made up the bullshit excuse of her parents know them, so they let her hangout with them whenever she wants, even though she's grounded.)

I didnt know why, but the fact that she didnt want to hang out with me bothered me ALOT. I cried about it several times. She wasnt my only friend anymore, I made other friends which I hung out with more than I ever did with her. I thought about her everyday, times when I would think (like taking a shower or lying in bed) ALWAYS ended up with me thinking about her. My friends said that I joked and laughed less, and I was always really depressed when alone.

I got the courage to ask her out, only for her to say she had a boyfriend. I really hate the kid. They went out like literally 5 times before. But I think the real reason I hate him so much is because she always goes on about how he's her best friend, when she used to do that with me.

It's wouldnt bother me as much if she would just tell me she doesnt want to hang out with me. But instead she just makes up bullshit excuses. And when she talks with me she's all like "youre my very best friend", but what she puts on her myspace (she's a borderline scenester and uses myspace religously) and tells other people is totally different. Quite recently she talked with my friend (which she is good friends with). She talked about me and how "different" I am and how she doesnt want to hang out with me anymore. Now she's smart (gifted & AP classes like I was) so she must of known that he would tell me (we're best friends). Yet she keeps up the whole sherade of how she really wants to hangout but she cant.

(Continued in next post)