I am obsessed with this girl. I stare at her and think about her all the time. I think she likes me too. One day we will travel to another universe and make a new civilization with my immortal sperm. The End.
The steps involved:
I love this girl, she's a friend.
More than anything or anyone else.
That's pretty harsh... what makes you think you have no chance?
I'm shy, short and perhaps some would say boring, and I'm such a reclusive, nit-picky, near-autistic geek that no HUMAN --- male or female --- would want to have my company for longer than a session of D&D once a week.
No wonder you have no chance... you're too pessimistic.
How are girls supposed to like you if you don't like yourself?
I like myself, I am still gonna ask her out sometime soon. Even though my chances with her are like 0.000000001%, they are still not zero.