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Do I Take This Exit, or Just Keep Going? (21)


2 Name: Reinov : 2006-12-16 10:42 ID:BF19qH4l

So, I told you that story ot tell you this story, and I apologize for the length:

Now I am going to college, 2 hours away from where I used to live. I talk to him mostly through letters. Over the summer, we got together and spent some quality time: particularily during a movie, wherein we held hand through most of it, and another time in my basement on the sofa, cuddling in front of an old 007. I went hme for Thanksgiving and stayed there an extra week, just so I cold see him. I didnt tell him I was going to be there so I could surprise him. I waited by his locker at the end of the day and he came walking down the hall. When he saw me his eyes lit up lke no other, and he bolted down the hall screaming my name and knocking over two football players in the process. He lept on me and gave me the most enthusiastic hug I've ever had in my life. After about 10-13 seconds, enough time for me to steal a quick kiss, he regained his composure. We spent 2 hours with eachother everyday after schol that week, he told his parents it was a thing for Creative Writing club.

We sat around and tlaked mostly, when noone was around he would get really close to me and we would enjoy one anothers company. One day, he asked me where the ring I used to wear went. I told him I gave it away because white-out spilled on it. He quickly responded, "oh I see how it is. Yo udont get me a ring.". I asked if he wanted one, and he blushed a little and said yes. He also expressed an interest in movin in with me when he finished school.

He is the most amazing person I ahve ever met in my life. He is funny, smart, sensitive, creative, caring, and deep. I am fascinated by him in every way, and I love him very deeply. The problem thouh is that I live two hours away., and his parents hate me. It is difficult to communicate without help from a third party. He has not openly admited that he is gay, but he has talked to other people about it -who then mention it to me- that he is totaly in the dark when it comes to his sexuality. From my experience, he keeps sending me all these mixed signals and messages. For instance, when we are alone, he becomes very open and very affectionate. Sometimes when I confront him on the issue, he quickly changes the sucject. He may say one thing and act oppositely, or vica-versa. One time I even caught him looking at a gay porn thread on my we site -server logs- for 10 minuites. Any attempts to ask him about it lead to complete ignorance of my question or an immediate subject change. According to friends, all he ever does in school is talk about me.

Of late however, it seems that our strong relationshp is not so strong. He's been acting unusually lately, I havent reccieved any communications from him, except one 5min IM session. When I ended the conversation with "<3" it was responded to by a "GROSS" and then a 'usr has signed off'. From what I'm told, he has been hanging around this video gamer/evangellist, who I'm told further, hates gays. This was made all the more clear to me when I found out he was the one who was screaming "**** Does not want to have sex with you! Go away faggot!" when I visited in November.

So my question to you is this: What the hell should I do?

I'm totally lost here. We live far away and we don't talk except via the weekly letters which never came this week. I still love him, and I still want to believe that we can be happy together. I know he loves me too, I hear it all the time from girlfriends of mine who talk to him. But I dont know what to do. It seems that whenever I meet a guy I really really like (only twice), some variety of hell breaks loose that makes it near impssible to have a meaningful relationship with them. And that is really all I want; to have a meaningful loving relatinship with him. But I need some direction: should I take my leave, or should I stick with it and hope for the best??