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Flirty girlfriend, i trust her but it hurts anyway. (47)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-07 07:52 ID:q3lQR2Ed

My girlfriend goes out and flirts with cute guys. I know shes only having abit of fun and nothing would come from it but i hate it. It makes me feel like im not good enuth for her.

How do i know this? Because she told me, it came up in a conversation - "What ya been up to today? well, we went to the mall, guess who was there! The thorntuns guy! so we flirted with him, hes so cute! I love it when he blushes". We talk about EVERYTHING, its as if we're really close friends rather than partners.. minus the fact that we stare into eachothers eyes and 'make love' etc.

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2 Name: fart man : 2007-01-07 10:49 ID:kk+gipTq

maybe, u dont have to take it so seriously. if she really needed to flirt or even more, she wouldnt tell u anything, and just kept things secret.

she tells u everything, maybe because she loves u and she hasnt done anything to look down on you.(what she or u call "flirt" might not be such a serious one as u might imagine)

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-07 19:15 ID:q3lQR2Ed

Its all good now, just a case of worrying because i care.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-07 19:29 ID:7Lo8FqN7

Your probably the cutest guy in the world, dont worry!

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-07 23:44 ID:Heaven

Wow, that sounds like the opposite of me. My longdistance boyfriend can't imagining having any romantical feelings for others, while as I frequently do, but just not in the love kind of way (i.e. just infatuation). Flirting is fun because for me it's a no strings attached compliment to others, and I frequently comment to my boyfriend about how cute x or y is. The difference and main reason for why he doesn't feel threatened or worried, I think, is because he does know that I do love him from the bottom of my heart, and that even though I do find plenty of others attractive, there's nobody who could top my attraction to him (as it's not just look-based, but also heavily personality based). My raving about people's cuteness and good looks/fun personality doesn't excluse his, so he frequently gets both verbal and behavior confirmation of that I love him from the bottom of my heart (as opposed to casual infatuations), as well as that I find him just as attractive as every one of the others I feel attracted to, and a great deal more than that...

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6 Name: : 2007-01-08 00:21 ID:lyEhYuXi

Flirting is a way to feel good about yourself, because if the person flirts back it becomes a "Im still attractive". The problem is however how the flirting is being done.

If a person is going to a night club and flirting with people it is a problem in my eyes. More so if the partner is going without YOU.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 02:44 ID:Heaven

>>5 I'm suprised he's not heated up with jealousy because of you. Maybe he's just bottling it in and pretending it's ok

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 05:11 ID:Heaven

Not really, he knows (not just via words) that I don't want anyone else. I've shown/proven that again and again. I'm very honest with him (and he is with me), and he had been my best friend for years and years before we actually decided to be a couple (i.e. he knew very well exactly what he was getting himself into). Also, he has a rather laid back attitude.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 05:14 ID:Heaven

I would keep an eye on her. Her flirting with other guys might be more than harmless fun...

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 11:48 ID:Heaven

It might, it might not. It depends on how well OP knows her.
There's quite a bit of a difference to try to pretend that someone isn't showing signs of cheating on him, and to trust someone who is "just" being playful. Only OP can tell which is the case.

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11 Name: fart man : 2007-01-08 11:49 ID:kk+gipTq

athough u can make him understand how much u love him, because u tell him this from the bottom of ur heart, some pple just cant understand it.

ok put that this way, u have a boyfriend living miles away, and he tells u he loves u, but u cant know if this is true or not(even if he does from bottom of his heart) since he lives far and cant see u often. And he says "Sally is so cute" or "Kate is so sexy" all the time, and flirts with them. wouldnt u get worried??

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 12:49 ID:QrCJmnWg

>>9 "keeping an eye on her" would just show how clingy you are, I've learnt this much. And if you feel crap everytime your gf flirts with other guys, OP, you are feeling insecure. And insecurity in guys makes us less attractive to girls. And if your gf is doing exactly as you fear, OP, that she's seriously looking at other guys, then perhaps you are not doing enough to keep her interested in you.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 18:43 ID:Heaven


>you are not doing enough to keep her interested in you
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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-08 21:28 ID:q3lQR2Ed

OP Here!

I do trust my girlfriend (i thought i said already?).

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-09 05:24 ID:Heaven

Compliments from a wide range of people may be more desirable because it feels more unbiased? Maybe compliments from just you "isn't enough" because you're looking at her through mushy pink glasses, and she knows it. That doesn't make your compliments less worth, but she perhaps want to get a more universal confirmation on her status, than just from a single person, even if that person happens to be the one she loves the most. Second opinions are often seen as good.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-09 15:14 ID:9BVsY1cA

You think he's not worried. He may look like he's not worried. But in actual fact, it dents his ego every time you do that.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-09 23:35 ID:oNd8yy6r

You know this how? Remember that there isn't just one kind of personality guys can have. We're horribly honest with each other, and he knows that if he doesn't state things, then nothing can be done about them. Both of us have made behavior changes in order to make being together easier, he knows (yes, he seriously does) that I'm willing to discuss anything without any hard feelings, and that I'm open for suggestions. We're brutally honest with each other (without insulting each other/being rude and so on). Having been friends for many years before hooking up does that to people sometimes. He doesn't "not look worried". He doesn't act worried, he doesn't sound worried, he doesn't feel worried according to what he's said. I'm terribly sensitive to body-language, so I would notice pretty darn quick if he'd feel bad about it. Unlike my ex who kept bottling some things up inside (even though I wasn't flirting with anyone else the slightest bit during the entire time I was with him - he was too traumatized by his exes and kept assuming I'd react in the same retarded ways they did). People who are afraid to speak their minds are no fun.

18 Name: fart man : 2007-01-10 11:13 ID:kk+gipTq

hey dont fight guys. calm down and be more productive

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-10 15:50 ID:9BVsY1cA

It is true that I don't know your guy. Hence, I am making generalisations. And this is a pretty damn accurate one for the majority of the guys. Girls are always complaining when their bfs check out other girls. So do they seriously think it wouldn't bother men if it was the other way around? Remember, we don't express our feelings as much as females do, hence we don't look worried.

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20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-10 19:10 ID:Heaven

We're not fighting :-D


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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-10 22:56 ID:9BVsY1cA


> Ah, but I thought I didn't sound like the average girl, from my posts.
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22 Name: Mr. Concerned : 2007-01-14 17:04 ID:4hnH9FXE

I have a problem and I am a little confused too... maybe one of you can help.

I am a 23 year old male and every relationship I have ever had has been sex based, and have never really been in "love".

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-14 17:30 ID:y+jJHoiR


24 Name: Captain Obvious : 2007-01-14 20:27 ID:Heaven

She's very insecure about the relationship, to the point where she doesn't want to burn her chances with the other guys when your relationship ends (yes, when, even though it probably just is an if consciously in her head). After all, she has not met you yet, and most people tend to fear that they've just missunderstood the person they've fallen for online, that they're not like what they seem to be (no, it doesn't take lying, some habits are unnoticable via the intarwebs, some are greatly magnified and others are shrunk down etc - it's easy to get the wrong idea about people). The excessive flirting might be due to craving attention and acknowledgement, and she may be afraid of losing that if the others find out she's taken, and therefor get less interested in flirting with her as she's taken.

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25 Name: fart man : 2007-01-15 04:43 ID:kk+gipTq

break up with her. she wont change and u wont either at least in the short run. but make sure u have sex with her before u ditch her.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-15 06:08 ID:Heaven

It doesn't take the internets to get the wrong idea about people. It's easy, even in real life.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-15 11:07 ID:Heaven

She sucks. She wants to keep other guys attracted to her, hence not letting you tell anyone. It's obvious from her opinion on cheating, that she likes the idea of having all these guys at hand to play with. Either that or she's dating other guys in your server. Date-raping you is also another possible option.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-15 11:34 ID:Heaven

I absolutely despise girls like that. They know perfectly well how girl deprived these guys are, and they go about wrapping them around their little fingers so they themselves can feel wanted. As a girl, I'm a pretty serious gamer and granted, there's nothing wrong with the odd flirt, but I still prefer to play under the guise of a male. It's distracting, and makes the whole game more boring to play when all the guys are flitting around a "female". It's especially pathetic in rpgs, when I get 3 "confessions" a day. That's when I drop the "I'm a 32 year old" gag. Hence my advice is that those type of girls are more often than not, not worth your time, they just crave the attention.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-15 14:47 ID:Heaven

Stop playing as a male for the sole reason of not having to put up with flirting from guys. Be firm about unwanted behavior. Those guys need to be taught that girls are not objects to swarm around. The partymembers I tend to play with are all IRL friends of mine, which includes several chicks. We're used to them, and we all play for the sake of playing. They're good at what they do and we give them as much respect as any male players. It's rather annoying to see immature guys who have been trained to see the sight of a chick as an invitation to act like a retarded asshat. They're giving male gamers a bad name, and need to be put in their place. Hey, if girls like you stopped hiding under a male guise, asshat chicks like >>22's wouldn't hold as much power. Who'd you get attracted to? Some chick (or in your case probably a guy) who's good at what they're doing, great personality and a good party member - or some attention whore who can't cover your back because they're too busy flirting with everybody? If the guys at your server learn to respect you and others like you, then you'll get less retarded "confessions". The ones who really get interested in you will take less annoying routs.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-01-16 15:14 ID:Heaven

Yeah, you have a point there.
I do play as a female on rpgs (my guy friends wouldn't let me play as a guy). It's just the fps games that I choose not to put up with all that baggage as a girl. It'd be heaps funny to see the look on their faces when they do find out though. I'll contemplate the idea, it's just so much easier being a "male" atm. Also for the reason that I'm not looking for love online at all. I don't even give away my email address because it'll only lead to niceties and shallow conversation.

31 Name: divine lord : 2010-03-04 17:15 ID:UGm2GCI7

hey dude i really like the way u r thinking(talkin to the girl who said that flirtin is casual), i study NLP psychology so i kinda understand what u mean....yet I just came across this and really apologize coz I have to go now and don't have time 4 posting my opinion, don't even know if the thread is still active!! so if u guys r there and interested in a somewhat more science based discussion drop me an email@ later!!

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-03-05 04:19 ID:Heaven

Don't know if this thread is active? Look at the date for the last post: 2007. It's definitely a dead thread.

33 Name: i feel ya : 2010-08-29 04:03 ID:LfUDZgdp

my girl does the same thing, it irks me so bad! just wish she would quit and be completely MINE!

34 Name: THE BIG DICK : 2010-11-02 06:31 ID:rm2nRjSK

its simple just act that you dont get hurt by what she is doing and flirt and fuck with other girls do sex every day and tell her that you had sex with other girls

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-03 16:47 ID:q+pHQRdJ

>>33 What if she says "break off all connection with your "girl" friend and be completely mine!!" im sure you will think shes crazy

36 Name: GLady : 2011-07-01 18:49 ID:u+qkkG3Z

My husband has a friend girl at work. They said they were just friend but they text each other every time, meet each other after work, just the two of them somewhere where there's nobody there in the dark. And now going out for lunch. Insaw them one time and they were trying to run away from me. Can anyone please tell me what kind of friendship is that?

37 Name: jheezy : 2011-11-11 15:42 ID:kdPa1WNc

Be careful, I was super chill about my ex wife flirting with other guys because we had been together forever and she constantly told me I was the one. Then she left for one of the dudes she flirted with. Now I have issue with it all.

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-11-12 00:18 ID:RuUa4Chn

Pretty much this. If your partner has a problem with the fact that you have a problem with their flirtatiousness, chances are they won't stay with you for long.

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-11-14 01:30 ID:CqCYtrnr

lol this was 4 years ago

40 Name: marshan : 2011-12-13 06:14 ID:jUzGG5mi

how did you solve your problem? im in a similar situation

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-12-13 16:33 ID:Heaven

Dump her.

42 Name: claudia : 2011-12-14 16:42 ID:Z+QMepd1

any japanese here i want bf?

43 Name: How i do It : 2012-02-07 17:38 ID:Z8Vce8Pt

I personally have a flirty girlfriend myself (She wont commit though). I've serveral times considered to dump her. Also i have quite the suspicion that my first kiss with her actually were a prank but turned into something real.

Anyways even today she still flirts with guys over the internet and generally everywhere.

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44 Name: Herman : 2012-07-24 14:29 ID:SmjSBKmD


45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-01-10 13:26 ID:j201fF+e

The truth is, although I want to find where they are

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-01-10 17:20 ID:Sar4pN1Z

I wonder if she still flirts with other men.

47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2014-01-16 15:45 ID:j201fF+e

I want to go in there as soon as possible