Ok, so maybe this should be in the personal issues section, but I've met this really great black girl, she's sweet, funny, and a little weird like me. She digs me, too, and I'm thinking about becoming serious about this whole relationship. Unfortunatly, I live in the ass-crack of the south (Tennessee) and my family (immediate, extended) would disown me then kill me! Not to mention what kind of ruckus it would cause her and her family. So really, what the hell do I do? If she doesn't want to be anything more than really close friends, that solves the problem, but if she wants to get serious,too, then...well...augghh! HELP!!
Ok, how old are you? If you are 18 just go for it. Fuck them, just ask the chick out. :3
PROTIP: Never ask her if her vagina is purple, I learned that the hard way. ;_;
#2 Ok, let me clarify some things. We are already going out. We have already done it. I am 23 years old and a veteran Marine. I'm a grown man with a real problem here people. I'm worried for the both of us. What can I do to maintain this relationship if she wants to get serious, too?
This is choice for longterm relation, seriously considering marriage eventually. Otherwise your question irrelevant and not worth Frigid Onanokos time.
If you think such relationship will damage family ties, you must evaluate value of damage against gain of relationship. What is each worth to you? FO wonder about that
You're 23, goddammit. It's 2007.
Your families will just have to accept it. But if you don't think it's worth going for, give up. In short, do what your heart tells you to do. What do you consider important?
Follow your heart...
i agree on >>5's opinion. u havent found out if she wants to get serious or not, right? u dont have to rush to decide what u do next, i guess
Ok, I'll see where this goes. I'll ask her what she really wants to do and tell her how I feel. If we end up being together for the long haul...I guess it's time to tell the folks. #5 Yes I know what year it is. And yes TN is STILL that fucked up, but thanks for the pep talk. #4 Well put. To all: I realize that there's no way to make everyone I care about happy in this situation. It's just that both the communication and the bigotry levels are not where they need to be! I live in fuckin' backward-ass cracker land, where there is still the KKK and the law still functions as a good ol boy club. The blacks and hispanics around here are just as racist as the whites and only a few of us younger ones can see past the bullshit and get along. I was lucky enough to see a bit of the world in my travels in the military, so I lucked up. Now I have to try to figure this out. Thanks everyone. I'll let you know how this goes, soon.
well, black women with pink nipples would look weird. so black should be fine.
I am a half black girl who has had plenty of problems with the families of the white men I date. I am in California where everyone is supposed to be tolerant! So, in a way I kind of know where you are coming from.
As said before you can't make everyone happy and if you are serious about this woman your family should accept it. They do not have to like it or like her but you should not sacrifice your own happiness because of the intolerance of others. You are old enough to not be ruled by your family and you are your own person. Make the choices that will please you in the long run.
Its funny, the places that are suppose to be tolerant are the least tolerant of all. People complain how racist the south is but in reality, the North can be just as racist. The difference is they don't say it out loud, they just they keep blacks where they can't see them so they don't have to deal them.
To #11, thank you for your insight and yes, how this will affect her is one of the issues as well. To #13: I spent two years in Hawai'i and I learned very quickly what it felt like to be the minority. I will admit, I grew up in a very rascist environment and I was a hater for a long time, well into my teens. However, after many years of soul searching and a little bit of life experience (college, Marines, church) I slowly distanced myself from those kinds of thoughts and learned to love not just my own, but the entire HUMAN race. I am proud of my roots, heritage, what have you. I am proud of where I've been and who I've known, because of all those influences I am now a better man, a better human being. To All: I talked to her on the phone today. I'm meeting her after lunch tommorrow. I'm going to ask her then.
It seems so easy doesn't it? You've got your own life and have found someone you care about...then it's the most insignificant and immature things that can tear down all you've built up for yourself. My family has always come first, they've helped me through so much hell and hurt. And I've never intentionally hurt them before, but this situation...I know it will hurt them. Is my relationship with her wrong because I know it's going to hurt someone? Should love take precedence here? This is really upsetting to me. I really emphathize will anyone who's ever gone through this.
[I know it will hurt them]
u dont have to worry too much it at this stage. u r not getting married with her now and u dont even know if the girl want u as her boyfriend.
To 16: Thanks for the reassurance. To be honest, in regards to our races, I don't even see her as black. To me, she is just a beautiful, great, intellectual woman. To me, we are just people. I guess, posting the thread titled as "I'm white, she's black..." might make you think that I am overly concerned about our races. The only thing that worries me about that is how our families will react. Our backgrounds are very different (and very similar at the same time), but our hearts and minds are where they need to be. I am going to tell her how much I care for her tommorrow and that I want to see her exclusively. Hopefully, that's where her heart is at too. To All: Thanks for the mature comments that you all have made. I see that, at least, some of us are capable of understanding each other.
You are quite right on that and it is very unfair when people from the North call southern people "racist rednecks." Like you said, we are just quieter about it. Well, that is us until you are in a group that is all one race. Suddenly they quite embracing different cultures and that goes for everyone, not just white people.
Ok, guys. It's 10:00am Friday and I am heading out the door. I have one class today and them I am going over to her house. Going to meet my brother at 7pm. He's a tatt. I should have an update about 9 or 10pm tonight. Thank you everyone.
Just got in from the tattoo place. My brother got some sick ink done. I met with my girl today after school. We went to a sports bar for lunch then started shooting pool. After we left the bar, I took back to my place, sat her down, and we had "the talk". We are now seeing each other exclusively! I told her how I felt about her. Then I told her how much I loved her. She started to cry, then she told me that she had been waiting for me to say that for a long time. I was so happy. we just held each other for a while. We started talking about what this would mean for us and our families and she really heard me out. She's really worried for me, but she thinks that things will be ok on her side. She's an only child and she doesn't have a dad. Her mom's a really sweet old lady, but I can't imagine her letting her daughter see a white guy. I think her friends might give her some shit, but besides that I think things will work out on her end. I on the other hand still have to face my dad and brother, then my mom. Neither of us want it to be a secret, but I know it will take some time for me to make my fam understand. I'm just so happy right now. I don't even want to think about them. I just want to think about me and her!
Happy for you! Talking with girl should first priority yes. now thinking about sorting out family problems. Got advice for you: Never, never underestimate parents. Careful at thinking you can see through them. Maybe you already consider that.
>continued from previous post because too long! nyah!<
At some point you wanna show parents person that make you happy. They expect you to, because they interested in how you fill in your life. So no keeping it secret for too long, it mess up trust between you and parents (and unhappyness may be focused on scapegoat.) Seeing her is their 'right.' Introduce her same way they would expect you to introduce any other girl. This show them she equal in your eyes. You no need make sure parents no racist anymore. Meeting not need be fun, maybe stressful, lot of tension. But objective not fun get-together, rather let parents know what's going on, that you are serious (how serious you are, is implicit message, no need to mention it.) Also not let introduction be like a confessional, it only give parents idea that you feel you did something wrong. So no “mom, dad, I have to tell you something (maybe you'd want to sit down?)” because that give atmosphere of guilt. This not environment you wanna create. You happy that can show parents nice person in your life. Still (FO starting to rant now, sorry) you careful with parents. They perhaps not superhappy at first with your girl, so no putting her inside birthdaycake to jump out as surprise – it no make parents happy. Afterwards there probably evolve some discussion. Be good to parents (and other family.) Just because have silly ideas, that not make them stupid.
sorry, need to make correction in >>22,
>In own opinion, racism is set of prejudices against stereotypes (race in this case,) formed and expressed often more habitually through deliberate choice.
Frigid: Thanks for you in depth post/s (?) :) I am a speech major so I'm always concerned about being longwinded. Thanks for all your support!
dude, just go for it. Im black and my last girlfriend was white and did my folks or hers give a damn,hell no? and even if they do care it yourlife and you can do what you want with it.Move away if the situation is of that scale but just make sure you dont make the wrong decisions with all this you know?
Maby you could dim the lights when she is over for dinner so she could hide in the shadows
What the hell is that supposed to mean, thats not even funny!
>>30 think thats a quote from a movie.
good luke OP
fuck her so far up the ass she'll scream out mr. t!
You fuckers are hilarious. Well this weekend is going to be fun. We're bar hopping again. Getting her the ridiculously large stuffed teddy bear for "Vlad-n-tines" Day (Gov. Schwarzenegger)and a chocalate rose. No progress with the folks yet, but I am thinking about moving to FL. She wants to come with. Money's the prob there. My brother's still got my back and that gives me some hope. "My chocolate goddess is pleased." She's discovered Guitar Hero 2. She WILL not defeat me on HARD mode!! "Laid to Rest" still freaks her out. Her: "Why are all white guys crazy?" Me: "Cause we stay horny. Some honky-tonks just like guns and bombs more than pussy."
Well, it sounds like everything is going really well for the two of you. Interracial relationships are not easy so congratulations!
I can't really complain. I have a great woman in my life right now. Things aren't simple though. We've both got school and social lives (jobs, athletics, friends, fam, etc...) We try to spend as much time together as possible and take it one day at a time. I really can't explain how it works, besides knowing that we really care for each other. I want to tell my folks what's up. They need to know. I'm not ashamed. I should just go and tell em. Riiiight. Telling my parents about dating a black woman is like making excuses for not quiting smoking. "I'll do it tommorrow. Or the next day." Man. Fuck. I need to step up and get it over with. Frigid had some good advice back on 32 and 33. #28: I'm glad it was like that for you. Not gonna happen with me. That's not insecurity, that life experience talkin right there. But, damn it, I LOVE MY BLACK WOMAN!!!! Fuck it. I gotta tell em.
Youre thinkin about my baby
It dont matter if youre black or white
Valentine's Day! Good luck everyone! Let somebody know that you love 'em!